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Old 12-27-2009, 06:45 PM   #1
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SamF HB User
Communication and other intimacy problems.

I have been talking online with a guy with aspergers for a while now, and we are planning to meet in person soon. I was wondering if there was any tips that anyone can give me with making him comfortable around me?

is there any intimacy tips, like, how to make him okay with hugging/kissing?

I don't want to be too forward, or to make him uncomfortable. any help would be welcome.

 
Old 12-29-2009, 05:40 AM   #2
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Streetlimitz89 HB User
Re: Communication and other intimacy problems.

I have been diagnosed with autisim and aspergers when i was a child and i have over the years found that personally it depends on the type of person and how bad the condition is if its a mild condition it might be a more of a relaxed feeling for him but if its more severe he might be tense .. i for me when i meet a new person i just want to keep a small distance and im kind of shy at first but i have to get to know u .. after a few hours and i get more comfortable around u i become more open to you when u first meet a hug should be okay i wouldnt try to sweep in a kiss unless he tries .

im going off of how i am affected by this and what happens to me when i meet new people.

 
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Old 12-29-2009, 07:52 PM   #3
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roses4lace HB User
Re: Communication and other intimacy problems.

Give it time, go slow. Be a friend first. Friend=not threatening; Romantic partner=very threatening. It takes us a while to get used to a new person, new places, new activities. Most of us are uncomfortable being touched or hugged by strangers unless it's the briefest of hugs. Try to meet somewhere he feels comfortable. Suggestions - quiet place (restaurant, book store), not much activity, one-on-one is better, not having to follow multiple conversations or compete with noise. Movies may not be the best choice for a first meeting, not enough private interaction and too many people milling around, but you would have that as a "topic" afterwards. Even walking around the mall, seeing what he likes and what you like can break the ice (music, videos, books, magazines, computers, etc). Ask him questions, but don't push, and don't make it sound like he's being grilled. When he answers, find out more about what he said, later respond with your own "stuff". Or even, gee, I've never done that, do a lot of people do that, is it something you could teach me. Just non-threating conversation. Show an interest in what he says and does. (If you really aren't interested, perhaps this isn't the person for you. If he isn't interested in "your stuff", he may seem bored or rude and not know how to handle it.) Avoid personal topics in the beginning. What's your favorite thing to do, favorite author, favorite game, foods you don't like, etc. He may not know to ask you questions, so you may have to say things like "guess what I did for fun last week". Or make it fun, joke with him and tell him it's his turn to ask you a question. Be prepared for anything, he may not know what's appropriate

We're all different, but there are generally two extremes - Most of us rarely talk and don't know how to keep a conversation going. (Describes me - I married an extrovert, but I later learned how to "do" conversation. ). Some talk non stop and don't know how to let others participate in the conversation.

Hope your meeting goes well!

 
Old 01-10-2010, 05:56 AM   #4
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ted487 HB User
Re: Communication and other intimacy problems.

I have been an extrovert most all my life,I have never liked it,but didn't know how to come out and tell somebody.Now I'm starting to get in my older thirties and would like to
meet somebody.I've got a friend who has helped me,I have also had epilepsy since birth.My friend has let me stay with him for the last four years,and has been a big help.I'm very apericative.I would like to start talking to people more often.Over the internet,I seem to have no problem.My problem is up close and personal,as I tend to be a very timid person.I would apperciate any ides on what I can do to change.
Thank You,
ted

 
Old 01-10-2010, 03:39 PM   #5
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lacy1893 HB User
Re: Communication and other intimacy problems.

Sam,
Since you know that your friend has Aspbergers, I guess he/she has disclosed this to you...so the subject has been brought up. So, I would recommend just asking him what he would be comfortable with. (hug or no hug, etc). The best way to have a great relationship is for you two to be honest. Just ask him to be sure to tell you if you do something that makes him uncomfortable...talk and everything will be great.

 
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