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Old 03-02-2010, 03:51 PM   #1
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adalinep HB User
insensitive people

The hardest thing I find about Autism is people's insensitive comments. The really disheartening thing is when people you wouldn't expect do it, like someone you consider a friend.
My son covers his ears when around noises that bother him or make him fearful. A friend of mine's son mimicked the behavior and she made a comment a few days later how he said he only does that on Fridays, which is when my son is with him. She was laughing when she said it. It really hurt because this person's child is receiving early intervention as well, but wayyyy more functioning. It sucks people say insensitive things.
Anyone else had comments that have upset them with respect to Autism? How do you deal with it?

 
Old 03-04-2010, 06:56 AM   #2
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Re: insensitive people

I have learned to have more of a thicker skin with people and their remarks. SOmetimes , I try and make a joke out of it. NOt that autistic behaviors are funny , they are unusual . Many people have not been around others with autism , so they do not know how to react or respond...
I am so use to my son's behaviors by now that it really does not bother me . He is who he is , and their is nothing more that I can do about that.
In regards to people and comments, unless it is really mean or hurtful , then I justmight say , lucky you to have such a perfect child >

 
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:48 PM   #3
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Re: insensitive people

Quote:
Originally Posted by avigneau1 View Post
It's incredibly annoying having to deal with that kind of ignorance. I think the best advice I can give you is to educate your friend on how serious your child's condition is. Your friend may not know or understand how you are feeling.

Make sure to look at it from her end as well. Her child is going through early intervention. She may just be saying what she said in an attempt to add light to the situation. You don't have to take everything so personally, but it's totally understandable to do so.

Hope this helps.
Thanks and you are right there are two angles to look at it from

 
Old 03-05-2010, 10:24 PM   #4
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blessedmom HB User
Re: insensitive people

Try to put more positive people in your life. If this was a friend she would not allow her child to do that. She have to think about what she would do if somebody marked her child for something he does. It's not so funny if the shoe was on the other foot. Our children have feelings too.

 
Old 03-25-2010, 07:01 PM   #5
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Re: insensitive people

Quote:
Originally Posted by adalinep View Post
The hardest thing I find about Autism is people's insensitive comments. The really disheartening thing is when people you wouldn't expect do it, like someone you consider a friend.
My son covers his ears when around noises that bother him or make him fearful. A friend of mine's son mimicked the behavior and she made a comment a few days later how he said he only does that on Fridays, which is when my son is with him. She was laughing when she said it. It really hurt because this person's child is receiving early intervention as well, but wayyyy more functioning. It sucks people say insensitive things.
Anyone else had comments that have upset them with respect to Autism? How do you deal with it?
Gosh, that's so sad. Especially since her son is receiving intervention, too. Maybe she meant that your son was only covering his ears when her son was around, because HER son was so loud? Like she was being self-effacing?

The only thing you can do is clarify. Ask her to explain what she means. Of course, she's going to laugh to cover up, and then tell you that you're making too big a deal out of it, but you're never going to get anywhere if you don't say anything.

Best of luck.

Oh, btw, I have had very few people say things ... I'm either living in lala land or selectively deaf.
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Old 04-02-2010, 05:45 AM   #6
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Re: insensitive people

Quote:
Originally Posted by adalinep View Post
The hardest thing I find about Autism is people's insensitive comments. The really disheartening thing is when people you wouldn't expect do it, like someone you consider a friend.
My son covers his ears when around noises that bother him or make him fearful. A friend of mine's son mimicked the behavior and she made a comment a few days later how he said he only does that on Fridays, which is when my son is with him. She was laughing when she said it. It really hurt because this person's child is receiving early intervention as well, but wayyyy more functioning. It sucks people say insensitive things.
Anyone else had comments that have upset them with respect to Autism? How do you deal with it?
For a while I worked as a manager at a fast food joint. One day some kids were jumping all over the seats and being loud, and one regular customer asked the man "do you let your children do this on your own furniture? Why do you let them do it here?" and then man began yelling saying they had autism. It started a huge fight that I had to get out of the store.
I guess some people just don't know, and if you inform them in a rude way they won't respond in a very kindly manner. I guess the moral is you can't assume everyone is ignorant...I had no idea what autism was for a very long time.

 
Old 04-02-2010, 07:38 AM   #7
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Re: insensitive people

I had a issue just happen a couple of days ago with a abusive woman who was at my brothers home . SHe told my son that he needed his *** beaten > because my son could not say her name correctly .
I left my brothers home after we were planning on staying and having dinner with them. I could not stay around this person , who was so mean and unkind . Nor , was I going to subject my son to such cruel behavior .

 
Old 04-03-2010, 08:49 AM   #8
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Re: insensitive people

Wow! That's so mean. It's not just insenstive to say he needed his *ss beaten, it's just plain mean. What kinds of friends does your brother have? (That's a rhetorical question. )
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Married 31 yrs, 18-yr-old NT daug in coll, 13-yr-old Aspie, adopted 2 days old. Poss mood dis. LD but only 1 gr behind; priv school; wheat/gluten-free, milk-free diet; Adderall, Imiprimine, Clonidine.

 
Old 07-17-2010, 09:31 PM   #9
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Re: insensitive people

well adeline, my son has autism also. He is higher functioning but was initially diagnosed as mild functioning. Early intervention is the key, whether it be diet, or therapy-based, whatever the child responds to is most important. However to deal with the situation of ignorant people ie strangers, and sometimes your friends, is really to develop a thick skin, so many people say thoughtless things, and if I got a nickel everytime somebody said something insensitive, i'd be rich right now. Another thing to do is to be your child's advocate, inform every Tom, Dick, & Harry you encounter who don't know alot, or if anything about autism. Sometimes we are inclined to feel that people should understand what we go through, but truth is people in general don't get it. And they don't care to get it. Yes you will have some very understanding and loving people who may take an interest and want to help. But the majority of people will never understand what you have to deal with on a day to day basis. But that's okay. Remember that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And when you see your child deveolp to the best of their ability with your help, you can be proud that you are a very good mommy to him. Just keep as they say "a stiff upper lip!"

 
Old 08-26-2010, 11:28 AM   #10
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Little Miss T HB User
Re: insensitive people

Quote:
Originally Posted by adalinep View Post
The hardest thing I find about Autism is people's insensitive comments. The really disheartening thing is when people you wouldn't expect do it, like someone you consider a friend.
My son covers his ears when around noises that bother him or make him fearful. A friend of mine's son mimicked the behavior and she made a comment a few days later how he said he only does that on Fridays, which is when my son is with him. She was laughing when she said it. It really hurt because this person's child is receiving early intervention as well, but wayyyy more functioning. It sucks people say insensitive things.
Anyone else had comments that have upset them with respect to Autism? How do you deal with it?
You're absolutely right. One of the hardest things for me to handle as his girlfriend would be seeing the intensity of how much it upsets him - the victim.

(Call him ''Y'') - Y was told, very spitefully by my brother in fact, that he...
"Was a stupid little boy who struggled to get into Sixth Form higher education."

I have never been so ashamed of anyone in my life as I was then. It's heart breaking. Particularly as he had simply knocked Y flat after all my encouragement and gaining of confidence in his own ablities. He is just like anybody else and I challenge anyone who defies me saying so. Insensitive people.

 
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