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Old 03-27-2010, 07:04 AM   #1
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UhohKris HB User
Adult Autism!?

Hello,
I signed up on this site just so I could post my story for some advice. I'm 21 years old and recently I've been researching autism and the symptoms in fear that I have some form of autism and I'm in need of some good advice.

I've always been really strange as a kid, never made any good friends and to this day don't have many good friends. I've always felt like a backwards person. Not like writing backwards, but thinking backwards. I've always rocked back and forth on the couch as a kid and continued the habit to this day but now I listen to music while doing it. I learned that this is a stimming. (sp?) I also have that nasty habit of sucking my thumb...I don't even realize half the time I'm doing it. I spend a majority of my time doing those two things.

Whenever I'm at work and I have to talk with customers I feel awkward for no reason, like I should be ashamed of something. this was happening even before I assumed I had autism. It's hard for me to make eye contact with people, which is another symptom I unfortunately came across while searching on the topic. People seem shocked, or embarrassed of things that come out of my mouth sometimes...like I just can't tell if what I'm saying is hurtful or what. I've mentioned this to my family before and they just laugh at me, because to everyone else I seem like a pretty functional person.

I can't keep a damn thing clean ever, I start to train myself into the habit of keeping things tidy but I always get so distracted and end up never following the same routine ever again. I was raised by my single mom who worked a lot and I found myself at home by myself most of the time. My lack of friends never helped the situation. I would do weird things like sit in the closet for a long periods of time, talk to myself while sitting at the computer or watching tv.

I barely passed high school, and now I can't pass a gen ed class for the life of me in community college. I want help, I need to know for sure if this is autism or what. I feel like I'm on a constant mental block, and it's frustrating so I rock back and forth and suck my thumb.

the only time I feel truely ok with myself is when I make art, which is the only classes I can keep up with now, I want to major in fine arts and eventually get my masters. This feels like such an impossible goal and I feel so depressed. I have no one to talk to about this in my life. I have no health insurance because I'm not a full time student. So naturally, I turn to the internet.

I guess I didn't mean to tell my life story BUT! I believe ALL of this has something to do with AUTISM. Maybe it's just some other disorder or no disorder at all. I just feel like I need alot of help understanding what's wrong before I can start living my life.

 
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Old 03-30-2010, 01:57 AM   #2
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Gaelfish HB User
Re: Adult Autism!?

Sounds like you are on the spectrum anyway hun, but you are so adaptable and willing to learn that it has not set you back too much, from my perspective which is that of a mum of an autistic kid.

I think you are great and fabulous for achieving what you did, passing high school and getting a job involving customer contact. I think life is very tough for you, especially as you dont know why you feel and react the way you do, and it sounds like you are always beating yourself up. The best thing you can do (without health insurance) is to join up with an adult asperger (aspie) group in your area, do an internet search and you should find something.

Google Donna Williams; she is also an autistic female with an incredible talent for art.

Obviously you should try to get an official diagnosis, but you can only do what you can do given the fact that you have no health insurance.

You say you did weird things like sitting in a closet. My boy does this aswell. It is not for no reason, it is so that you body could feel defined space and this probably had a calming, reassuring feel. You were also able to shut out other stimulation to your senses like light and noise and odours in the closet; all good soothing things if you are susceptible to sensory overload, like my kid, like many folks on the spectrum.

I think you should read books on Sensory Processing Disorder, author Carol Stock Kranowitz or Sharan Heller - Too loud, Too Bright Too Fast Too Tight. These might give you an insight into why you react the way you do, and also ways to make you feel better.

Please be gentle with yourself. You have a different way of seeing the wold than Neuro Typical people, but if we had no folks like you in the world we would have not made the same advancements in art, maths, music, science or technology. To vaguely quote Temple Grandin (another autie female, google her TED talk) we would still be sitting around a camp fire outside our cave gossiping.

I hope you find relief and insight in your further study of the autism spectrum. Best of luck and big hugs

 
Old 04-02-2010, 05:34 AM   #3
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UhohKris HB User
Re: Adult Autism!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaelfish View Post
Sounds like you are on the spectrum anyway hun, but you are so adaptable and willing to learn that it has not set you back too much, from my perspective which is that of a mum of an autistic kid.

I think you are great and fabulous for achieving what you did, passing high school and getting a job involving customer contact. I think life is very tough for you, especially as you dont know why you feel and react the way you do, and it sounds like you are always beating yourself up. The best thing you can do (without health insurance) is to join up with an adult asperger (aspie) group in your area, do an internet search and you should find something.

Google Donna Williams; she is also an autistic female with an incredible talent for art.

Obviously you should try to get an official diagnosis, but you can only do what you can do given the fact that you have no health insurance.

You say you did weird things like sitting in a closet. My boy does this aswell. It is not for no reason, it is so that you body could feel defined space and this probably had a calming, reassuring feel. You were also able to shut out other stimulation to your senses like light and noise and odours in the closet; all good soothing things if you are susceptible to sensory overload, like my kid, like many folks on the spectrum.

I think you should read books on Sensory Processing Disorder, author Carol Stock Kranowitz or Sharan Heller - Too loud, Too Bright Too Fast Too Tight. These might give you an insight into why you react the way you do, and also ways to make you feel better.

Please be gentle with yourself. You have a different way of seeing the wold than Neuro Typical people, but if we had no folks like you in the world we would have not made the same advancements in art, maths, music, science or technology. To vaguely quote Temple Grandin (another autie female, google her TED talk) we would still be sitting around a camp fire outside our cave gossiping.

I hope you find relief and insight in your further study of the autism spectrum. Best of luck and big hugs
This reply was so helpful! Thank you so much for reading and responding. Brilliant artist you had me research. That's one thing that got me wondering if I was autistc or not because they say that autistic people are good at math...which is something I am terrible at.

Thanks again

 
Old 04-03-2010, 05:26 AM   #4
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Gaelfish HB User
Re: Adult Autism!?

To solve the math question, listen to Temple Grandin's talk on TED, just google it. I think she says there are autistic types who think in pictures and those who think in patterns. The pattern folk will be strong in math and music and the picture folk better in art and design. I think that is the gist of it, though I am not 100% confident.

 
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