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Old 06-18-2011, 07:43 PM   #1
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In limbo all the time, help.

Hello everyone,

My son will be 3 soon. He is a very loving, happy child. Before I get into the "negatives" Here are some positives,

Generally follows our commands, does stuff on his own he knows he should (like get refills of his milk, throws trash away, takes off his clothes before bath.. etc)
Responds 80% of the time to his name
Makes good eye contact
Follows along to TV shows (if they are getting out musical instruments he takes out his, if they are getting out a ball he gets his, etc, claps when they do, etc)
Plays well at the park, climbs and slides
Colors
Has a very strong memory of places and people
Listens to us if we tell him to stop or do something (which generally goes back to commands but I wanted to add that)
Loves books "reads" all the time.
Gives us hugs and kisses.
Helps clean up toys

"Negatives"


Picky eater. He eats about 20 foods, most of which are "dry" except macaroni and cheese, yogurt, and of course fruits. So if anything I could see a sensory issue.
Cannot talk. He grunts and drags us everywhere he wants to go or when he needs something he cannot reach, he doesn't point but will reach and make a pinch motion
Absolutely hates going anywhere he may be unsure of going (like somewhere he hasn't been or somewhere that looks like he may not want to go in which I really attribute to a terrible dental visit last year which is when that started, literally the day after he was like this in new places)
Will flap his hands during "exciting" moments like really active play or something funny on TV
Won't really try to repeat anything we tell him, he will watch very closely and I swear I can see his little wheels turning and its like he almost goes to say it and sucks it back in.
When he was 13 months old he would hold up one finger and say one (not clearly but it was def. one) and stopped doing it.
Last year he would say "na na na" for "no no no" and stopped doing it after about a week, those are the two instances of "losing language"
Doesn't wave hi or bye
When strangers talk to him he acts like they aren't there. If its someone he knows he will look at them and smile accordingly.
His "vocabulary" consists of eeeeeeee, aaaaaaaaahhh, b sounds, m sounds, occasionaly r sounds, a lot of grunts, something that sounds like bottle (yea I know, he should be weened by now), and says UP sometimes when he wants us to get up.

He does not have repetitive behaviors, he doesn't "obsess" over things. He does play with his toys but not really how he should, I guess. He has recently started going pee on his potty when we tell him to.. he seems to have caught on quickly to that.

He's very tall for his age, has always been more physical than mental (he is smart though). He even started swimming by himself a couple weeks ago.

I am just so on the fence. I am writing this today because a lady commented on how cute he was today and when he didn't look at her and then he flapped his hands when he was running so she walked by me and said oh does he have autism? I felt tears rush to my eyes and I felt hot and simply said "no" and then she asked how old he was and I said almost 3 and she said she thought he was much older, around 5 and apologized.

I go back and forth on this. Sometimes I think he does have it, sometimes I think no he just is stubborn and has a delay with his speech and has some quirks thats just his personality. It just really stings when someone says something like that. It hurts my feelings and I know it shouldn't.. it just does.

It also stings to see younger kids talking up a storm when mine isn't. I haven't ever said any of this I have kept it to myself and it's been an internal battle of mine for about a year and I just don't know what to do. My husband sees no problem, though he has admitted googling the symptoms and having once been concerned but isn't anymore because of all the amazing things he has picked up recently and his receptive language has gotten so much better that his expressive will bloom any time.

I'm just hurt, I'm sad, and I am mad at myself for both of the following: If he DOES have it, I feel like a terrible mom for wasting so much time when he could've gotten help because part of me feels ashamed and embarassed (I feel awful for saying that oh my god) and I keep hoping he will grow out of his "quirks". Then on the other hand I tell myself to shut up what is wrong with you look how amazing your little boy is, be grateful he is so smart happy and healthy and don't worry about this he will be ok!

I just don't know!! Any advice, input.. sympathy would feel wonderful right now because I feel in the dumps. I love my baby so much and I just want the best for him. Help.

Last edited by rhooc; 06-18-2011 at 07:47 PM.

 
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Old 06-19-2011, 01:29 AM   #2
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

I think you should not dwell on what you could have done, but focus more on what you will be able to do right now and in the near future. If there is an autism or language delay or autism spectrum diagnosis your son will qualify for services and a preschool program in your local school system. Call the director of special education now while they are still around and explain the situation and say you would like to see what services might be available for your son in the area of speech therapy and a language oriented preschool program. They might want you to get an evaluation first in which case I suggest you get a reccommendation from your pediatrician to see a developmental pediatrician for an evaluation. The develpmental ped will provide the diagnosis that the schools probably need and also other suggestions for services.

I think the important thing is to get the speech services going and in addition to the above, it would be excellent if you could begin speech therapy this summer. If you have the names of S.T.'s with good reputations in working with young children, get an appointment asap, or ask your pediatrician's office who they reccommend.

Again, the important thing is to get the ball rolling for services and I think you will feel a lot better once you know things are starting to fall in place. Let us know what develops. You sound like you love your son very much and he is lucky to have such caring parents!!

Some of the things you describe are more language delay but either way the important thing is that you are behind him 100% to get him the services that will help in the areas he needs. My guess is that with speech therapy and a language based preschool program you will see a lot of changes in the area of language. He sounds like he has a lot going for him!

Last edited by Suzanne44; 06-19-2011 at 01:35 AM.

 
Old 06-19-2011, 03:26 PM   #3
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

It is very difficult as a parent to think that something might be "off" about your child. Their is a actual grieving process that takes place , for that "perfect" child every paret dreams about. After this then their can be acceptance. No self blame, because it ie never the parents fault if the child is diagnosed as "special Needs"
The really important thing you can do for your toddler is to take him to a Ped. Specialisit. Such as A Neuroilgist, Child Psycholigist , someone who specializes in Developmental disabilites. This is especially important because once the child has a confirmed diagnoses then a service plan can be made and early intervention services can be started. Try contacting your local regional center. They speicalize in children with developmental disabilites and even will do a evaluation by a professional , at no cost.
Autism is now recognized and not a hidden disability anymore. Their are Many different programs out there. But again, the child must recieve some kind of diagnoses. With what you wrote does fit into a Autistic spectrum disorder. The language loss is a very big one. I remebr when my son was your childs age , I was teaching other parents children , but still could not see any behavioral warning signs in my own son. Even though I had been around young autistic children. It is not easy,however, with the propper intervention and services a child can learn new and approiate behaviors , wiping out the old ones. But all this takes time. These are the most difficult years. A lot of change can happen though.
My son is nearly 18 now. Has autism with cognitive delays. But I think he is high functioning. Sometimes I do not want to see whats in front of me either. Bit , he is doing well. Has had a lot of services since a diagnoses was made.

 
Old 06-21-2011, 01:43 PM   #4
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

hi i am in same situation my son is 26 month old , but i act bit early from u i already have some appoinment with dr regarding this , and he did not give me any dignosis yet but they allow me to take all services b/c even if there is a delay .it can be improve or if there is autism it can also improve with services , so i suggest dont waste time. talk to your dr .some time child might have some behaviours or red falg but they eventually get out from this cycle if u help them properly . if there is delay he need help .just need to ask some question regarding child ,
- did he maintain eye contect , how social he is with his age group and with adult ,
- if he ask some thing from u how he ask , did he point , or move his hand toward the thing or he point by his eye like crying and look at the thing he want and then look in ur eyes
- did he show things to u by pointing or by talking
-how is his hearing test(is his hearing is ok )some time hearing loss also cause this type of problem , when my son,s hearing test done he have some hearing loss , so i am waiting for ent appoinmnet
-dont feel bad about this if he is improving with time like u said in your post, it could be delay , my son is only one kid in family and we r living alone so the expert also suggest me to enter my child in preschool program to see the progress in child

Last edited by muztech; 06-21-2011 at 02:06 PM.

 
Old 06-21-2011, 10:49 PM   #5
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rhooc HB User
Re: In limbo all the time, help.

Thank you everyone for your input. I still am at a crossroads on what exactly to do. It's so hard to separate high strung -at times- 3 year old behavior from pssible other issues. I do know he obviously has a speech delay.

The post above let me say that he is a very good non verbal communicator and yes he does reach for what he wants and makes eye contact when doing so along with a grunt or an ah sound.

He seems to pick up a new thing everyday or get a new interest everyday which I feel is progress and he is a very understanding little guy.

I think I will be calling EI though, to be safe and maybe rule out sone of my fears or if they are validated fears he can get some help he mAy need.


Any other feedback is welcomed

 
Old 06-22-2011, 01:20 PM   #6
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

same thing with my child he can maintain good eye contect very social and convay his message very well . but still b/c of there delay in speech we r worry about him . to get an assessement and thearpy is not bad thing. b/c now days autism is a big monster in all mothers if there kid have speech delay .take to your dr as soon as possible .plz post u r child update and stay in contect

 
Old 06-22-2011, 10:08 PM   #7
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

This sounds similar to how my son was acting. He kept losing the words that he did have, and only had about 20 words. He is very sweet and affectionate. He does not yet have a diagnosis, but continues to improve. We know that he does have sensory issues (possibly sensory processing disorder). One book I can recommend is The Late Talker. We also noticed an improvement when we put him on fish oil (Nordic Naturals - ProEFA). The BIGGEST improvement in speech and behavior came with the GFCF diet. It only took 3 days for us to have a huge change (the first 2 were horrible - like withdrawals). I know it's tough, but it is SO worth a try!

 
Old 06-22-2011, 10:20 PM   #8
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rhooc HB User
Re: In limbo all the time, help.

I have read about fish oil.. Where did you get yours from? Is it a "kid approved" one that doesn't taste bad? I want to start that ASAP.

 
Old 06-23-2011, 09:08 AM   #9
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

I get our fish oil < edited >. I get the Nordic Naturals ProEFA Lemon Flavor. We just open the gel cap and put it into his juice. We have found that it's best to use those disposable 'take-a-long' cups because it's nearly impossible to get the fish oil residue out of other cups. We just have a couple designated ones that we replace from time to time. Our son is 3 (22 lbs) and we give him one capsule twice per day. We can definitely see a difference if we're out and end up missing a day.

Last edited by hb-mod; 06-23-2011 at 10:36 AM. Reason: Please don't post unapproved websites, per Posting Policy. Thanks.

 
Old 06-23-2011, 10:48 AM   #10
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

Thank you so much I'll get some today!

 
Old 06-24-2011, 09:56 AM   #11
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Talking Re: In limbo all the time, help.

hi kindly mention the age of child and progress they made to encourage other moms , and my son is 26 month old and i try to find this Nordic Naturals ProEFA , where i find this one ? i live in canada . i dont find it in regular drug store .

 
Old 06-24-2011, 11:09 AM   #12
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

I buy it online. I tried to mention the store name, but it was edited. I don't understand why, since if it were a box store, I would be allowed to mention the name. Anyway, it's a very popular AMAZing site, that is well known. Other online sites have it too.

 
Old 06-24-2011, 11:26 AM   #13
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

Thank you I know which website you're talking about. I am ordering it now. I will updAte any change I notice.

Today he's been grabbing at anything he wings and pointing a lot And when I ask what he wants he goes mmmmm!! And pauses like he's going to say it.

 
Old 06-24-2011, 10:13 PM   #14
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Suzanne44 HB UserSuzanne44 HB User
Re: In limbo all the time, help.

Just wanted to add that Nordic Naturals is a great brand. I take it because it is just healthy and I have tried others and this one doesn't have any bad stomach effects. My son is older now and eventually developed language but if I knew then what I know now about it I would have given it to him to just help language come in. Good luck with this.

 
Old 06-25-2011, 08:11 AM   #15
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Re: In limbo all the time, help.

i will also order it and update if i notice any changes

 
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