My 11 year old is home for school vacation. I'm at a point where I feel like I'm running on empty. She's too high functioning to recieve respite services from the state. At the same time, she can't go anywhere without something happening. Something. I know I sound very mean right now but I'm at my wits end. She cries when we go shopping. She wanders off when we go to the YMCA. We've been through a police investigation from someone attacking her. We've been through her being pulled out of school because of bullying. I know it's selfish of me to say that I'm tired of her going through things - bc she is the one suffering. But I'm starting to feel ambivalent, that now everything and every part of my life is about her and what might happen to her next. I'm tired and there are no breaks and no one understands, I'm starting to resent this whole thing. Is that selfish?!
The following user gives a hug of support to braveheartlionc: Jamilla7 (03-15-2013)
this is my first post so please forgive me for any unintentional faux pas. I saw your post and wanted you to know that I understand all too well how you feel. It took 8 years of my fighting the medical system to get a diagnosis for my son. I have all but given up everything to continue the fight to get him the help he needs to learn how to cope within the constraints of society. I have yet to find anyone who will really DO anything concrete for him and so the battle continues.
I am worn out, depressed and anxious. I gave up my little business which I was trying to get off the ground as I am on call constantly. It is an unrelenting job being a parent to one of these special children and it can take its toll. I love my son but I hate what he has had to endure and right now feel a huge amount of anger towards those who took so long to diagnose him and still refuse to help him now.
It is not selfish to get tired, worn out and sick of watching what our children must endure day in day out. We each need something just for ourselves (or so I have been told by every single specialist) but I cannot seem to find the time or energy to do so. I think if both you and I could carve a little moment for personal enjoyment/fulfillment/rest regularly it might go a long way to help feeling so overwhelmed. Hang in there.
Wow, that's so frustrating. I'm sorry to hear that. I hear about people like Adam Lanza and I wonder if he had places to go or things to do. It seems as if the world is almost closed to our kids. When my daughter was younger it was easier to get by, I could just put her in a tumbling class or something. But now she is literally to old to get away with that anymore. I just don't know what to do.
I'm not sure about services in other places besides where I live, but here you can apply to the Children's Miracle Network for a grant that will cover some respite services. Is that an option where you live? Also, if you have any colleges nearby, you could try contact the psych department and see if they have any students that would be willing to help you out with a bit of respite for volunteer hours?