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Old 11-23-2003, 07:55 PM   #1
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just need to spout

This is my first time posting on this board.I just wanted to "talk" to other people that might understand.In 1999 a tractor trailer semi hit my truck from behind and as a result my vehicle flipped multiple times and then blew up after it uprooted a tree.Anyway, somehow I got out without getting burned,but my back was broken in 3 places (and my leg,hip,foot,clavicle,scapula...) L2 & L3 were transverse fractures due to a direct blow (from whatever ?) and L4 was a comminuted fracture due to severe force.It's 4 years later and I'm still ****** off! One day I was a windsurfing instructor,the next day disabled.I'm functional now,able to walk with no limp or anything,but I'm still angry.I don't want to be angry or depressed about this anymore.I try to be appreciative that I can still walk and that I'm alive,but I've obviously got some issues.I never did get to see the s.o.b. who was solely responsible for this (he probably fell asleep at the wheel) I'm not sure I could handle seeing this person anyway I would most definitely snap! I really thought I was over all of these feelings.I feel so bad about being angry and unappreciative.So now im mad,sad AND feeling guilty (arghhh!) I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this,thanks (really)

 
Old 11-23-2003, 08:07 PM   #2
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sioux-z-q HB User
Re: just need to spout

I'm so sorry to hear about your unfortunate accident! I know how frustrating it can be to be so limited by an injury. But don't forget that this week is Thanksgiving. Instead of thinking about that s.o.b., think about all the things you can be thankful for, like the fact that you can walk without a limp (it's better than I can do!) I hope you can try to be at peace with what happened and I hope it made you not take life for granted. Life's too short to not have fun, whatever kind of fun your body will allow!
__________________
1996-herniated L5-S1-had epidurals x 5-relieved leg pain
2002-herniated L4-L5-had physical therapy and epidurals x 6-no relief
9/2/03-microdiscectomy at L4-L5
10/26/03-started experiencing lower back pain w/ leg numbness and tingling again

 
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Old 11-23-2003, 10:00 PM   #3
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Re: just need to spout

I completely forgot about thanksgiving until I just read this.You are 100% right & I will focus on the things I have to be thankful for.Sometimes its so easy to get caught in the negative thought trap.I'll make it my goal this week to try extra hard not to think negatively.Honestly, in a really odd sort of way it was a blessing in disguise.I learned things because of that I accident that I would have never had the opportunity to learn,like I'm a far stronger person than I could have imagined.Each of us are,it just seems we don't usually find this out until the circumstances are forced on us.
Thank you so much,and you have a good thanksgiving too.

 
Old 11-24-2003, 07:31 AM   #4
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Re: just need to spout

[QUOTE=positron]I completely forgot about thanksgiving until I just read this.You are 100% right & I will focus on the things I have to be thankful for.Sometimes its so easy to get caught in the negative thought trap.I'll make it my goal this week to try extra hard not to think negatively.Honestly, in a really odd sort of way it was a blessing in disguise.I learned things because of that I accident that I would have never had the opportunity to learn,like I'm a far stronger person than I could have imagined.Each of us are,it just seems we don't usually find this out until the circumstances are forced on us.
Thank you so much,and you have a good thanksgiving too.[/QUOTE]

Please remember also that anger aggravates pain and ailments in our body. I know this from experience. Yes, it's better said than done, but forgiving is actually good for your health.
__________________
Live light. Live easy. Live free. Live brave. Live deep.
Let the wind on your face calm your raging mind. Let the warmth of the sun soothe your weary body.
And, at least once in your lifetime, love well.

Earthling

 
Old 11-24-2003, 09:24 AM   #5
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Pippin HB User
Re: just need to spout

[QUOTE=positron]I feel so bad about being angry and unappreciative.So now im mad, sad AND feeling guilty (arghhh!) [/QUOTE]

All the things you are feeling are natural. They are all part of the grieving process. After all, you lost years of your life and endured untold pain and suffering.

BUT, that said, it is time to close that chapter in your life and move on. Do not let the actions of that one person control your life. Live your life on YOUR terms. Set some achievable goals for yourself, and go after them.

You can do it. Dig deep into those strong reserves. You know you can do it.

 
Old 11-24-2003, 09:47 AM   #6
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waves2ya HB User
Re: just need to spout

[QUOTE=positron]This is my first time posting on this board.I just wanted to "talk" to other people that might understand...[/QUOTE]


Anyone with a .sig like "Positron" has to be a rockbed come back player. Just from what you said, you should be proud of how you have persevered in your life. Our lives are about loss - no matter what the optimists tell ya... ;-)

We lose our youth, lose our parents, our health - some lose children - and we will all lose our lives. That's what makes the rose smell so sweet; so you were a sailboarder - fantastic! There's more out there... Fall in love with something again and play like you know you will lose it. Don't feel guilty you're still ****** (prolly why you've made it this far) but don't let it get the best of you... Rail in and against and move on to the next for there is always someone worse off who can't and will make do with what they can.

It's the passionate stuff of humanity (the pleasure, the pain: the travails) that's this board is made out of and optimists like me will keep believing - in all of us. Happy Thanksgiving, dude...


~waves

 
Old 11-24-2003, 07:16 PM   #7
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MarianJ HB User
Re: just need to spout

[COLOR=DarkGreen][B][CENTER]Hello Positron,[/CENTER][/B]
[INDENT]Welcome to the Back Problems Board. I really have to say that it is a Miracle that You are Here to complain of your agony. This is a story that I have not shared on these boards.
I myself have not experienced your pain but my little sister was struck by a car as a child. She was in a coma and a body cast. My mother was told that if she did come out of a coma she would be a vegetable, that was the term they had used then. Needless to say she fully recovered. Yes, she has pain all these years later but she is alive. She has plenty to be grateful for. She is a Miracle and so are you after reading the description of your accident.
I can only imagine the pain you had to endure. I do hope that since your accident that your pain levels have decreased. I really pray that one day you can find peace. [/INDENT]
[B][CENTER] Have a good night. [/CENTER][/B][/COLOR]

 
Old 11-24-2003, 10:50 PM   #8
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Location: Springfield,Illinois,United States
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Re: just need to spout Warning! (mini-novel)

I wanted to pass this on.When this accident happened I obviously wasn't prepared (no one could be) The forensic details of it are truly unbelievable,but there is no need for me to go into that part of it.What is funny is that I was on my way to medical massage therapy school.I'll skip the details and get to the important parts.When I regained conciousness on the ground near what was left of the truck (police officers couldn't even identify what it was!) there was an off duty EMT who saw the whole thing! He was right there (this guy is a real true to life hero) he pulled me away from the burning wreckage and literally saved my life.I was fully aware of being in shock.I felt sooo cold & I was soaking wet (what I later found out was blood) and my body was convulsing, but I was far beyond pain.This is where it gets weird.The trauma helicopter lands,and they cut every last shred of clothing off of me (mom always said wear clean underwear,ha ha) I was aware of everything that was happening,but I was seeing it from the OUTSIDE! (just like the stories you hear)
They kept saying were losing him,were losing him! but I was right there,and Ive never felt that kind of peace before (I just wanted them to let me go) I knew I was totally safe no matter what was going to happen.It was the first & only time in my life that I gave up COMPLETE control,and it was pure bliss.I lost over 5 quarts of blood at the scene,no wonder I was wacked out.I don't mean to make lite of it, because it was a bonified spiritual experience.The whole point of this mini novel is that We can ALL deal with WHATEVER happens to us.Yes we do all die at some point,but all is as its supposed to be (even though that may sound disturbing) this is life,we learn what we learn, and then we move on.
As of now,I will windsurf again and I will take responsibility for my life and I will help those that I can.Life really is a miracle and mine is just 1 infinitesimal footnote.If I think about it too much I makes me cry (a good cry)
Have faith,be strong and thanks again for all of your responses.

 
Old 11-25-2003, 04:21 AM   #9
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Location: Australia
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MarianJ HB User
Re: just need to spout

[COLOR=Navy][B][CENTER]Good Morning Positron,[/CENTER][/B]
[INDENT]I read your post first thing this morning as I sat at my pc crying. Thank God you are here to share your story. Would you believe that I who never shuts up am at a loss for words....

You are in my prayer's for pain free days...[/INDENT]
[B][CENTER] Take Care [/CENTER][/B][/COLOR]

 
Old 11-25-2003, 08:13 AM   #10
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Location: nj usa
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sioux-z-q HB User
Re: just need to spout

I think you've found your peace.
Pasternak says life creates incidents to divert our attention from it, so that it can get on with the work it can only accomplish unobserved.
~Sioux
__________________
1996-herniated L5-S1-had epidurals x 5-relieved leg pain
2002-herniated L4-L5-had physical therapy and epidurals x 6-no relief
9/2/03-microdiscectomy at L4-L5
10/26/03-started experiencing lower back pain w/ leg numbness and tingling again

 
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