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Old 08-10-2004, 04:44 PM   #1
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Jenna'sMom HB User
Talking Hello Carl

Hi Carl,
You haven't been on much lately, so I'm hoping that means you're out galvanting enjoying a "peak" and not depressed and in a "valley"

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you hoping you're okay. Basically, just missed chit chatting. There's a few people on this board that really perk up my days with their posts, you being one of them. It's nice to be able to talk to people who are going through similar problems. My husband is so sweet and attentive, but I know it's hard for him to really understand the pain and frustration.

I'm still waiting for the d*#n doctor's office to call me back as promised. I made myself walk to the corner and back twice today with the walker. It hurt like crazy in that one spot, but it's weird, I felt great everywhere else. Both incisions are healing fast. My left lower side is a little sore, but god, when I walk that one spot on the right is just yuck!

Anyway, I'm heading back to bed to ice the pain spot.
Talk to you soon,
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-10-2004, 06:02 PM   #2
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Re: Hello Carl

Hey Carl,

I'm with Julie! Where ya been? Hope you are out painting the town!

I always enjoy hearing from yall and my laughs I get from you!

Keep us posted-
Elaine
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Old 08-11-2004, 02:45 AM   #3
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Re: Hello Carl

Aloha Ladies,

You have both made my week, thanks for the sentiment, that really made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Yes I am on a small peak, not painting the town, galavanting or anything so glamorous, I have been spending a lot of time walking and doing some self employed PT in our pool. Those floatation belts are a wonderful invention. Don’t get me started on waiting for a return call from a doctor…aarrggghhh!! Good for you Julie, walking is good for you, but don’t over do it, slow and steady, ya gotta find that neutral spine position and try and hold your abs in for a few steps to get the rhythm down. It’ll only get better. I went to my surgeon today, he was very pleased with my progress, I’ll probably be released for light duty work in a couple of weeks. I am scared out of my wits. I have been out of commission for a while, I am still taking a considerable amount of narcotics , I am not sure I’ll be on the same time line as they are. We’ll see I guess. Ah yes…the spouse, you really had to bring up the spouse didn’t you, It’s nice to hear that your husband has been so sweet, attentive and hopefully supportive. I however, have not had this luxury. This whole ordeal has had a severe impact on my relationship with my wife of 19 years. I hope this will heal itself with time. Well…now that you’ve got me all bummed out , I think some ice is in order for me also.

Thanks again for thinking of me.

Carl

P.S. Just kidding about the bummed remark, you guys lift me up.
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Old 08-11-2004, 06:49 AM   #4
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Wink Re: Hello Carl

Carl,
Glad to hear you're on a peak. You're being released for light duty, YEAH! that's great. What do you do?

Your pool exercises sound cool, (pun intended) I'm supposed to start aqua therapy in a week or so, I can't wait. I'ts funny, I love being in the water doing aerobics and the like, but hate swimming laps.

I'm a scuba diver, although haven't done a whole lot since Dave and I have been together. I used to dive almost every other weekend before I met him. I introduced him to diving at a Club Med in the gulf of Mexico (a quicky resort course). He could not clear his ears very well and had a hard time. To make matters worse, visibility was like 5 ft. If I had taken him to the Carribean or Hawaii first, I might have convinced him to take a real class and learn how to clear his ears properly, although I know there are people who just can't. At least he loves to snorkel. The last dive I did was on a dive boat out of Mauna Kea on the Kohala coast of the big Island (we were not staying there, too bad, that place is gorgeous, alas, funds don't permit) It was great. Got to play with an octopus, and a puffer fish. I miss diving in California too. The channel islands have some beautiful spots. The kelp forrests are really amazing to be in. You're swimming through this forrest and you come to a clearing with light rays shining down from above, a school of fish swimming by, we call them kelp chapels. For me diving really can be a religous experience.

About spouses........yes I'm very lucky, Dave is a truly unique person. He has alot of patience. I'm not so patient. About four years ago, Dave had a major cyst in his Kidney, we would not know for sure whether it was cancerous until it was removed and biopsied. They had to remove a third of his kidney. It was a very scary stressful time. A few days after the surgery his mom came down to help out, because I had to work. She and I have not had the smoothest relationship. She was a complete bi*#h to me that week, but I just sucked it up. Anyway, my point is (and I know it's taking me forever to get there ) I was really stressed out, and sometimes I felt very resentful and angry at him, Dave was my rock, how dare he get sick! When a spouse is sick for awhile, caregiving can take its toll. Something tells me you've always been the strong happy one. It might be so hard for her to see you go up and down. She probably just wants her normal life back, and you the way you used to be when you were well. Some people are better at it than others. Relationships are hard enough as it is without throwing an illness into the mix. (I know I'm rambling) I hope time will heal all the wounds, both emotional and physical. 19 years is a long time, something to be proud of and cherished. My advice, be patient, go give her a big hug and a very big kiss, and tell her how much you love her .
Okay just picture me as Lucy Van Pelt from "peanuts", ”The doctor is out“.
If I've overstepped, sorry.

Anyway, glad to hear from you. We do miss you when you're not on. It's funny, I'm 44 and I have pen pals! It really does help.

Hugs,
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-11-2004, 09:08 AM   #5
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Re: Hello Carl

Hey there

Carl glad to hear that you are doing well even though I don’t always posts on the boards I do read them every day and find those post by Carl, Julie, Elaine and Brooke (even though I have not seen her on in a while ) really supportive and reassuring.

I have a question for you Julie…I apologize for going off on a tangent here on your thread but I found your previous posts really interesting.

I need advise on how to deal with my significant other and everything that is going on..I am scheduled for a fusion on 7 September and don’t know how he will handle having a partner who can not do most of the things that I have been able to do until know. When I had my first surgery it was really hard on me and I was single so I can only imagine what its like on a significant other. Especially since up until now I have been the one that has played the nurturing role in our relationship and have spoiled him quite a bit. I am not sure how to expect him to react. He says that everything will be okay and that well be okay but that’s easy for him to say. He is not a fellow back sufferer and there are things that he does not understand.

So I guess I am just looking for some support and advice on how to deal with him and my relationship during this time..

Thanks in advance
Anne

 
Old 08-11-2004, 10:04 AM   #6
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Re: Hello Carl

Anne,
I'm not sure I'm really qualified to be handing out advice. A few suggestions would be;

We had a neighbor offer to coordinate dinner from friends and neighbors every Mon, Wed and Fri. for 3 weeks after the surgery. If you have friends or family around that can help you out that way, it lightens the load.

I hired my cleaning lady who usually only comes once a week, to come twice a week, to handle laundry and a few extra things.

So the main extra responsibilities on my husband have been more caregiving with our daughter, (but he was already doing 50% of the parenting to begin with) going to the market, and a little light cooking here and there. You can always stock up on frozen stuff from Trader Joe's. He runs and fetches stuff for me too, but you'll be amazed at how much you'll be able to do for yourself within a few days of getting home.

Give him some days off to recharge. Let him know (alot) how much you love him, and how much you appreciate how much he's doing for you. I've found a little praise goes a long way. It's very nice you've spoiled him, but maybe he's looking forward to spoiling you a little. Guys are just not good at expressing all that stuff, and try not to push him to "talk about it" if he's not the type. Mine isn't.

Try not to do too much of your venting with him, that's what we're here for! Your free to shout and moan and just feel blue with us, and we'll prop you back up again.

I'm sure he'll come through for you with flying colors, just go into it believing he will, you have better things to worry about than that

I wish you a really successful surgery and a speedy recovery.

The doctor is out
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-11-2004, 11:51 AM   #7
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Love2cook HB User
Re: Hello Carl

Hi Anne,

Forgive me in advance if I'm butting in on this one, but I had to second what Julie said (as usual .

My husband has been great. He jumped right in and took over whatever needed to be done. Now granted, it may not have gotten done EXACTLY the way I would have done things, but hey, it got done. In the big skeem of things, it doesn't really matter how it got done anyway.

We have four small children (as you may know if you've read any of my other posts... I love to talk about my 4 boys ) and my husband did great with taking care of them and me after my surgery. He's still helping out a lot. I believe that my husband has learned a lot from "watching" or "observing" how I do things b/c when it was his turn to play "Mr Mom" he came through with flying colors.

Good timing about the "spouse topic" b/c I this gives me a chance to brag. Just last night I was tired around 9:30pm or 10:00pm and told my hubby that all the laundry (that was piled up) and the one thousand dishes in my sink, were going to have to wait another day. For some reason, I was just exhausted last night. Well, my husband rolled into bed at 2:30!!!! I got up this morning and my kitchen was immaculate! And the laundry was about 2/3 done!! He had to have done dishes for 2-3 hours and at least 6 loads of laundry. I can usually keep up with most of this but yesterday I concentrated on some baking. The best thing is I never asked him to do this, he just did it himself. He had been feeling sick for the last couple of days, so I know he felt bad that he hadn't helped out much during that time. But what a treat it was to start my day today with a clean kitchen!!

I believe that they do enjoy spoiling us when they have the chance. Men enjoy feeling needed and most of the time will rise to the occasion. My husband always says that it's nice to be needed. But Julie is right to praise the little things too. This will encourage them to do more. We all like to feel appreciated.

Good luck to you!
Elaine
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Old 08-11-2004, 02:27 PM   #8
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Re: Hello Carl

Elaine,
God that was so sweet of Dan to do that. I'm glad he's feeling better. Boy do I feel like a slacker, lady you're amazing, you've been doing all the laundry, cooking and the dishes (You don't have a dishwasher?)? No wonder you don't need to go for the "walks"

I have the cleaning lady because I work full time outside the house and wouldn't get to spend anytime with my family on weekends if I didn't. Or do girl scouts etc. So normally I never feel guilty about having her once a week. But now that I'm home all the time, aaww, I still can't imagine doing all the laundry, although, I did do a load yesterday, Jenna's special camp shirt was dirty that she needed for a field trip, and of course you can't throw one thing in the washer. Boy, that grabber is amazing, used it the whole time.

I've taken two walks today, the second one I went all the way around the block!!!! The darn doctors office still hasn't returned my call yet. But, things are getting a little better, slowly but surely.

Okay, I'm going out for the 3rd walk today, just to the corner and back.
Talk to you later.
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-11-2004, 04:22 PM   #9
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Love2cook HB User
Re: Hello Carl

Julie,

I say you call the drs office back again. By this time, it's likely they've passed you (or your message) up.

And as for housework, remember I ONLY had a anterior fusion. They didn't cut into my back muscles, and I have no rods, screws or anything. I don't take many walks anymore but I think I'm going to insist on one tonight. I need a few minutes alone
What I went through was a walk in the park compared to you! You're my hero!

Funny, I clean houses on the side to make extra money for the family. I only clean for one lady once a week but the extra $$ helps us out. I also take extra jobs from a realtor friend of mine who has me clean houses that are on the market and need spifted up before Open Houses or showings. I love doing it. I'm a clean freak, so this is right up my alley. My girlfriends always tease me b/c I am such a cleaner. They always comment on how clean my house is despite the fact that 5 males and a dog live here

Ken cleaning my kitchen last night and doing laundry really alouded me to take it easy today. We're having leftovers for dinner and I even took a nap today!!!! Then it's off on my walk. We've had fall like weather. Temps in the 70's. Very cool and I'm lovin it.

I called my PCP today and talked to the nurse about the RLS and I am going in to talk to him Tuesday about it.

Take care of you! Remember... not too much walking, girl. I don't want to hear of any more step backs! It's full speed ahead on our recovery

Elaine
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Old 08-11-2004, 04:47 PM   #10
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Re: Hello Carl

Hi,
Darn, I knew I blew it on your husband's name right after I sent the post. Thanks for letting me know so politely.

You sound just like a friend of mine down the street. Her dream remodel includes a very spacious custom laundry room, with places for all her cleaning supplies.

I did call the doctor's office again today. Both my doctor and his surgical assistant have been out the last 3 days with lots of surgeries. His secretary swore they would call me back tomorrow, and even brought up how it was not good that the nurse was telling me one thing and the surgical assistant was telling me another, he said we all need to be on the same page. I can't believe I didn't have to say it first.

Thanks for the admonishment, the rest of the walks today are just to the corner and back. Your weather sounds beautiful, it's been in the 90's and 100's here. We only live about 5 miles from the beach so we tend to be a little cooler from the ocean breezes. We don't have air conditioning, so thank goodness for that.

Your chiming in on advice to that woman about how to handle her mate after surgery was great. Sounds like we both struck gold in the husband department. You know, I really do love him more now than when I married him. Fatherhood adds such a dimension to things too. When you go from being a couple to a family, there's such a strong bond and joy. I hope I wasn't sounding like the Dr. Phil of the healthboards Although, I was bad with this one guy today. Read his first post entitled "Dr. visit not good today", then his second post entitled "Hey Jenna's mom" I fear my response was too harsh, but it just hit me the wrong way, probably should have said nothing. Oh well, good advice to myself in the future "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

Have a nice walk. Hope Carl pipes up tonite. I'm 2 hours behing you, right? and I think he's 4 hours behind me.

Later,
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-12-2004, 02:50 AM   #11
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Haw'nCarl HB User
Re: Hello Carl

[QUOTE=ElaineJ]I believe that they do enjoy spoiling us when they have the chance. Men enjoy feeling needed and most of the time will rise to the occasion. My husband always says that it's nice to be needed. But Julie is right to praise the little things too. This will encourage them to do more. We all like to feel appreciated.Elaine[/QUOTE]

Aloha Guys,

This hits close to home, I hate to psychoanalyze because I am definitely not qualified to do so…but I will anyway, I have spoiled my wife for almost eighteen years, now that I have become damaged merchandise, I believe a little resentment has seeped in. This may sound harsh, but it is the only rational thing I can come up with. Don’t get me wrong, she has been attentive and caring about my situation, at least for the first 6 or 7 months, but I think it is really taking a toll on her, yes…I believe I was her rock, and now…well, I don’t think I need to explain any further about that. It has undeniably taken its toll on me, she still wont even sleep in the same bed as me, because she says she doesn’t want to hurt me, even after my insistence that it will not hurt me. I think I have already given enough info and probably sound like I’m whining…that’s because I am…it hurts, and I’m not talking about my back. Thanks for the shoulders guyz, enough of that.

Julie, your diving experiences sounds incredible, I am in need of a religious experience myself, I should try that…naaahhh! I do not have a very good relationship with deep water. Iknow…nice place to live, surrounded by deep water. I’ll stick to the discovery channel, but that really did sound incredible. Maybe one day you’ll make it back, the island of Molokini just off of the southern tip of east Maui is supposed to be one of the best dive sites around here.

To answer your question about what I do….not what I did that’s for sure, I am just now starting the vocational rehab portion of my w/c case and I believe they are going to send me to an 18 month computer cert program and I will be entering the world of network security. This is well within my restrictions and limitations table and it is something that I have enjoyed for many years as a hobby.

And yes…it really does help Julie. As you might have noticed my funny bone is kind of numb right now, although I am on a peak physically, I have fallen into an abyss emotionally, which is why I have slacked a little in the posting department. I am trying to find that rope to help pull myself out of this, maybe I’ll find it soon, I hope so, I need a good laugh. Thanks everyone, for being here…Carl
[QUOTE=Jenna'sMom]Okay just picture me as Lucy Van Pelt from "peanuts", ”The doctor is out“.
If I've overstepped, sorry.[/QUOTE]You most definitely have not overstepped, besides...who could be upset with Lucy, one of my favs!

 
Old 08-12-2004, 07:05 AM   #12
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Jenna'sMom HB User
Re: Hello Carl

[QUOTE=Haw'nCarl]Aloha Guys,
I think I have already given enough info and probably sound like I’m whining…that’s because I am…it hurts, and I’m not talking about my back. Thanks for the shoulders guyz, enough of that.
[/QUOTE]

Dear Carl,
You have every right to whine!!!!!!!!! Sweetie, I wish I could give you a great big hug right now XXXXXXX I'm so sorry, that sounds so lonely. Any chance the doctor can reassure her that she won't hurt you by sleeping with you. Unless of course she weighs 300 lbs and rolls over on you ....oh god, I hope she's not heavy, my big mouth! It is a very hard role reversal after 18 years. Like I admitted, I felt resentful and angry towards Dave and he was only down for a few weeks.....ooooowwwwwww......I just sneezed, that hurt Anyway, I'm not proud of the way I felt when Dave was sick, and I never stopped sleeping with him. If he had been debilitated for a year, I think I would have sought therapy for awhile. It's truly my character flaw too, and I'm so lucky he recovered so fast, and that he's not like me. I want you to know absolutely that my shoulder is here for you, you don't have to be funny, we're here to get you through this whether it's physical or emotional pain.

Wow, training for a new career, that's so cool. You picked the right one too. There's definitely a future in that with all the hackers out there. And, god forbid, the terrorist find someway to start infiltrating the computers of the major financial institutions of the world....Okay, that sounds like a pulp fiction novel I'm on a MAC, thank goodness, because it's so hard to keep up with technology. When the MAC first came out I understood my system inside and out, and could perform most of the fixes and stuff. Now things have become so advanced, both software and hardware, that when things go wrong, I have to call in an expert. Code is just something that's not my thing. I can sort of read basic html, but beyond that, give me WYSIWYG.
I'm a graphic designer, so I work on the computer all day. It's hard to imagine I'm going back to work in 3 weeks, I'm not going to be able to sit for 8 hours straight. Going to have to take lots of breaks and mini walks, which is cool, I have a great boss and work with nice people. My company is also very supportive, they've been great through all this.

Aaahhh diving....you know I haven't talked to anybody about it for so long. It's the one thing that I basically gave up when I met Dave that I really miss. He never forced me to either. You know the beginning of the relationship, you're glued to each other every weekend, then time goes by, and well, I don't know it just went by the wayside. Dave always encourages me to dive when we go someplace with nice diving......which is very rare. I really should check into diving again locally in a year after my fusion is really healed. I did discover something fun my husband was into when I met him -- Formula 1 racing. One year we actually went to the F1 race in Monza, Italy. What a beautiful track, and a great day. We spent the week before the race in Bellagio on Lake Como, we stayed at this hotel called the Hotel Splendid, which turned out to be not so "splendid" but hey it was clean and we didn't spend a whole lot of time in the room. This of course was pre child. Our vacations these days are Disneyland, Sea World and last year Hawaii!!!

Speaking of children, mine just woke up and needs her breakfast, and wants to use the computer, gotta go. Will try to finish this post later in a second post.

hugs,
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-12-2004, 11:18 AM   #13
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Re: Hello Carl

[QUOTE=Jenna'sMom]Hi,

You sound just like a friend of mine down the street. Her dream remodel includes a very spacious custom laundry room, with places for all her cleaning supplies.

Your chiming in on advice to that woman about how to handle her mate after surgery was great. Sounds like we both struck gold in the husband department. You know, I really do love him more now than when I married him. Fatherhood adds such a dimension to things too. When you go from being a couple to a family, there's such a strong bond and joy. I hope I wasn't sounding like the Dr. Phil of the healthboards Although, I was bad with this one guy today. Read his first post entitled "Dr. visit not good today", then his second post entitled "Hey Jenna's mom" I fear my response was too harsh, but it just hit me the wrong way, probably should have said nothing. Oh well, good advice to myself in the future "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

Have a nice walk. Hope Carl pipes up tonite. I'm 2 hours behing you, right? and I think he's 4 hours behind me.
[/QUOTE]
[I]Darn, I knew I blew it on your husband's name right after I sent the post. Thanks for letting me know so politely. [/I]

No problem

Yeah, I love my cleaners too. We just moved to this house in March and it has tons of room for all my chemicals. And yes, I have a dishwasher but since I was doing all the baking I had tons of big bowls and loaf pans that don't fit so well in this dw. My dw at my other house was brand new and this one is very old. But I just keep telling myself, "just be thankful you have a dishwasher!!!!"

I barely remember my pre-children marriage. We were married six months, then got pregnant and had baby #1 three months after our first anniversary. Makes that first year even a bit more challenging. Believe it or not, I don't read Dr. Phil's message boards!! But you don't have to ever apologize for sounding like Dr. Phil to me

Fatherhood does take you to a different level (now that sounds like Dr. Phil) in your marriage. It's so awesome to see that man you love interact with those precious little children that you made together. I love that.

I read it the thread "Jenna'sMom". Did you see my reply? I got a good laugh about that. I guess if you want the truth sometimes it may be a little harsh. I think you made your point.

I had a great walk, alone I'm not sure if I'm on central or eastern time, because if I'm not mistaken we change at somepoint during the year. That whole thing has always confused me. Where does Carl live?

Better go, nap time. I may just try my luck for a nap today too. Ken has the oldest with him at work today. He takes one of the boys with him to work about twice a month. Kind of neat to have just the younger three. But I miss the help of my oldest!

Talk more later-
Elaine
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Last edited by Love2cook; 08-12-2004 at 11:33 AM.

 
Old 08-12-2004, 11:23 AM   #14
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Re: Hello Carl

Elaine,
I'm confused, all that showed up on your post was my quote, nothing written by you. Ooops, never mind, I just realized you added into the text. sorry.

Glad to hear you have a dishwasher, can't imagine 4 boys and handwashing everything. I'm glad to hear you're a strict mom but have lots of fun. I need to find a way to be strict and caring at the same time. When I get strict, it always seems so harsh. (like I said, did not have good role models with this) I know I have to get over the part of Jenna being mad at me when I do enforce the rules. I'm not good at staying emotionally nuetral when she blows up, I sort of get sucked into it. Are there any particular books on discipline that you've found really helpful?

I did call the doctors office again and talked to the secretary, apparently everyone's been out this week with a heavy surgical schedule, they are supposed to be in the office today, and he promised the surgical assistant would call me back. It's 11:30 am, nothing yet. Thanks for saying I'm your hero, that gave me a boost, but yours was no "easy" surgery either. And I really do feel great, except for this one spot. The other side of my back feels fine, you know achy muscles, but that's not that hard to deal with. Like I said, it worries me that it's the exact same spot and pain as before the surgery, but worse! Okay, I sound like a broken record, sorry.

I always smile when you say you don't need walks because you're so busy at home, but yesterday I wore my pedometer all day, and even thought I only took 3 short walks, I still put a half a mile on that thing. Wow, I bet you do 2 miles a day at home, easy. I hope you enjoyed a nice walk in solitude last night.

Back is sore from sitting, I'm off to lay down for awhile, I'll try to catch you later.

Julie
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Julie

APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

Last edited by Jenna'sMom; 08-12-2004 at 11:44 AM.

 
Old 08-12-2004, 11:31 AM   #15
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Love2cook HB User
Re: Hello Carl

Julie,

I'm still new at all this fancy stuff. I haven't figured out yet how to do what Carl did where he had 2 quotes in his reply. I'll just keep in trying!

Elaine
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