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Old 08-14-2004, 07:07 AM   #1
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Red face Carl are you out there?

Hi Carl,
Haven't heard from you in a couple of days, and I hope I haven't offended you in some way, or gotten too personal. I really was only trying to help and be supportive. You're such a sweet person, and I do miss your insights and humor. Hope you're okay.

Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
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Old 08-15-2004, 04:36 AM   #2
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Aloha Julie,

No...absolutely not, and that is sweet of you to say that also, thank you. I have just been a little out of sorts lately, the mean ole cloud of depression has hit me pretty hard lately and I canít seem to shake it. You folks have been nothing but supportive, I am still lurking in the shadows, but there have been some posts that have only made me think and go deeper, I really canít elaborate as Iíll probably only make it worse on me, and I almost certainly have said too much already and I donít want to burden and or bore anyone with my pathetic existence. It kinda seems ironic that I feel this way when I should be happy because I am almost able to see a glimmer of light at the end of the recovery tunnel. But noooooo! I donít know, like I said before, I think I need a religious experience, or a set back or something. Maybe itís the Avinza, I have never thought of that, but I canít seem to get enough whatchamacallit to taper off of the long acting pain meds. Pathetic isnít it? Anyway, I appreciate the thoughts, but donít worry about me, you have enough on your plate. Iíll be here, in the shadows.

Aloha, Carl
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Old 08-15-2004, 09:34 AM   #3
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Okay Carl,
Now you're scaring me. I do worry about you. You've worked your way into my heart. I suffer from mild depression myself due to early onset of perimenopause. Depression is not something you can just fix yourself. And long term pain med use can absolutely cause depression, there have been studies that prove it. You need to call your doctor NOW, and get yourself on some antidepressants. I used to be kind of ashamed that I had to take them, that I couldn't handle things on my own. I have always been a strong willed, independant woman. But they saved me. Just because you use them to overcome a period of depression does not mean you'll neccessarily be on them for life. Now really I mean it, call the doctor. Your family doctor can prescribe them, you don't have to go to a shrink, although that might help to. Sometimes it takes a awhile to find the right one, so if the first brand doesn't work, don't worry, there are a bunch of them out there with slightly different ingredient mixes. There will be one that works.

btw, YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC!!!!! you are depressed.


Please know that unless I hear from you, even just a line or two, I will worry. I don't want to put any undue pressure on you sweetie, just wan't you to know I have plenty of room in my heart to care and worry about one more very sweet and caring soul.

big big hug,
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-15-2004, 10:36 AM   #4
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Hey Carl ... I'm thinking about you too ....

 
Old 08-15-2004, 10:58 AM   #5
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Hey, Carl--As you may know, I took a bit of a recent "leave" also, but I am glad to be back and want to convey my best to you. Your thought about the medication affecting your mood may be on target. And, of course, many of us know what despair feels like in the midst of all this. Sometimes, it hits us as things actually start to improve; we begin to allow ourselves to think about just how hard it has been, and what it has cost us. Primo Levi, a Holocaust survivor, wrote that when you are struggling just to stay alive there is no time to think about what it means and what it has done to you. If grieving is what you're doing, taking it slow, one step at a time, and hanging with us as you are so moved, is the way to go.

Best to you,

Standingman

Last edited by standingman; 08-15-2004 at 11:09 AM.

 
Old 08-15-2004, 11:11 AM   #6
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Re: Carl are you out there?

I'll second what the terrific Julie said too!

 
Old 08-15-2004, 04:27 PM   #7
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Re: Carl are you out there?

I also agree with Julie. We just care about you Carl!

Keep us posted on how you are doing-
Elaine
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Old 08-15-2004, 11:15 PM   #8
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Re: Carl are you out there?

See kiddo,
It's not just me. Alot of people care about you.
julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-16-2004, 06:33 PM   #9
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Still care.
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-16-2004, 09:36 PM   #10
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Hoping to hear from you soon.
Elaine
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Old 08-17-2004, 01:55 AM   #11
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Re: Carl are you out there?

thank you all so much for your sentiments, I have a lot of people counting on me on this side too, my case manager, my doctors, PT etc...but the one person I need...my wife, is just not there, I have never been in this position before, and to have to deal with my back and this is all too much. I stopped taking my Avinza, this is my second full day without it. Wow...I think this was a major mistake as I am sitting here with more pain than I have had in a long time. The pain of my personal stuffs is making my physical pain worse and vice versa. I thought that if I could do ok with out the Avinza, I could think more clearly and thus get on with my VR and eventually back into the real world and save my marriage, however, now I think it is irreparable and don't know what to do. Man, the animosity is coming back in full force towards my former boss. He put me in a position to get hurt, so not only did I have to deal with this major surgery, pain suffering and being damaged goods now, my life is essentially well, you get the jist. I appreciate the kind words, but I don't think this is the place to keep unloading on you guyz, you have you're own pains to deal with, thank you again sooo much aloha
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Old 08-17-2004, 11:12 AM   #12
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Hi Carl--First, my sympathies with all you are going through. In some form or other, we are all telling different versions of a similar story--one about pain and loss. The specifics vary, as does the severity, but it is all testimony to what is now real in our lives (that we wish was not) and, therefore, simply real. So I don't think it's "unloading" at all. It's your part of the wider story we're telling together, so that, when new people come here, and they look down the threads, they'll discover that they are also not alone, there are others who have a similar story, just as we have discovered that.

In other words, hang in, my friend, and keep us informed as you can and wish.

Standingman

Last edited by standingman; 08-17-2004 at 11:14 AM.

 
Old 08-17-2004, 04:46 PM   #13
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Carl,
It's hard to put it any more eloquently than standingman. I second that. Thanks for checking in. Please keep doing so as standingman said, as you can and will. We're here and will be.

big big hug,
Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-18-2004, 12:54 AM   #14
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Oh, and Carl, thanks for responding.

Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
Old 08-18-2004, 08:45 AM   #15
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Re: Carl are you out there?

Hi Carl,
I know you don't feel like posting to us right now, but I thought I'd keep you up to date on what's going on, cause I know you care.

Well I finally had my doctor's appointment to find out why I had the setback. I didn't get any hard conclusive answer. Just that I probably strained a muscle, or a nerve is acting up from fluid pressure. They took another xray and all hardware is where it should be, phew! That was my biggest fear. I was told to start PT ASAP, can't get an appointment until 8/31....what's new .

They might give my that Medrol dose pack that Elaine suggested, since I have to go back to work in 2 weeks. Which of course I'm pretty worried about. The doc said it actually be good for me to get my mind off the pain and back to my old life, which is really what I want. I have gotten better in the last week or so, but I'm not doing my mile walks everyday. Although, after wearing a pedometer all day at home I was surprised to find that I put on .5 miles just doing stuff around the house.

I have cut back on the length of time in between the Norcos, from every 3 hours to every 4-5 hours. I know, not that significant, but it feels like a big accomplishment to me. I've been cleared for driving as long as I'm not too doped up on pain meds. I don't feel dopey, I was on vicodin ES every day for so long, I think it doesn't effect me as much. My job is only 1 mile away, thank goodness.


I am curious about one thing you mentioned in your last post. If and when you ever want to answer the question. You mentioned anger at your boss for putting you in a dangerous postition. How exactly did you get hurt?

Anyway, Jenna just got up, so I'm going to go fix breakfast. Will keep you posted. Big hugs sweetie.

Julie
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APLIF T4-S1 on july 19, 2004
Harrington rod T5 - T12 1982

 
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