Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: San Diego CA
keith update and new issues
i am just updating for those who "know me" and also asking you and others (who dont) an opinion or 2
ummm, quick short version for those not keeping score and actually having their own problems :} (all of us)
me: 35 male, previous L4/5 herniation, 2 failed endoscopic discectomies, shot of embrel, time made me better (3 years)...living modified lifestyle and fine all things considered.
changed apartments, stress of moving plus some actual bending
re-herniated (self diagnosed, no insurance), this time right leg had pain and weakness + nerve type back pain
stayed home for 2 months popping lortab and flexaril, last 2 weeks started treadmill at home, starting to feel a bit better, no pain in leg, no weakness, pain in back lessened, started NOT taking the pills so i could be driven to a local bar to have a drink and escape some cabin fever.
so we are up to date.
last 3 days, no pills so i could drink beer
I notice I ma real jumpy, almost shaking..not from withdrawel, just nervous.
its kind of like the "nerve pain" of our back problems, you know, it aint ACHY, its "electric" except if i had to put my finger on it, I am not "in pain"
yet, as i walk from the car to the bar...I wanna get there are soon a possible, like the anxiety of a person who has to go to the bathroom, you know...like "come on come on COME on,,,DONT TALK TO ME, COME ON!
then i order drink,,,"I better get this drink FAST, i am in trouble,,,come on, COME ON"
"I have to sit NOW"
"I cant wait to get HOME"
while drunk, yes i got drunk, i felt alot better,,,you know, not much pain.
SO here is my deal
When we look at what i just said, it looks like a hell of a lot of ANXIETY and not true 100% pain
you know, like when I laid on a soft couch yesterday and it was BAD,,,you know, like, oh boy, this sucks, I cant do that again.
I did a major thing just now.
I drove myself to the store and got a few things, havent done that is 2 months
and there I was again..."oh man, get to the door, oh jesus, hurry to the salad, this is a bad idea, oh NO, I am in pain"
but not really "PAIN"
like the squinty eyed stress of traffic and looking into the sun on a glarey day, you know...ANXIETY.
Then I do realize that old right leg, is going a bit numb...or I should say "diassociated"
not like a numb that you could poke it and not feel anything,,,
just like when i first re-hurt my back 2 months ago!
i thought, HOLY $%#$%!, did I just ruin all my progress
got in the car and .....you guessed it
"OH MAN, CANT WAIT TO GET HOME, IF I CAN JUST MAKE THE LIGHT,,,IF I CAN JUST TURN LEFT....IF IF IF"
but a semi numb leg and anxiety...that i am calling "PAIN"
anybody know what I mean?
anybody know what I am talking about?
Its like i had 12 coffee's, on edge with symptoms
so here I am, popped a lortab and flexaril, and hoping for IT to calm down
is IT, my bad disc, or is IT my mind?
know what I am saying?