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Old 01-17-2005, 09:05 PM   #1
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sandollar HB User
Unhappy ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

Hi guys,
Ok, today was my 3rd set of injections, this time she was armed with a copy of the Diskogram report and gave her the how, where and why of everything
which helped her ALOT. She did it differently this time. I didn't have any pain at all for about 2 hours (unusual), I noticed from looking in the mirror and seeing where the bandages are that she concentrated on the S1 & L5 region.
The same area that has to be fused, my surgeon asked me to call him in the morning and let him know what happened.
After the 2 hours I went to move and it was no longer numb and my back had gone out during the procedure.
There is no way the surgeon is going to allow me anymore injections now! Not that I would miss them, but the more it goes out, the more damage is done. I am taking Norco 10mg and 650 of Tylenol and it's not touching the pain. Everything has failed, the PT, Deep massages, ESI's, there is nothing left.
Now the fear of reality of the fusion is hitting me harder than ever, I can't seem to stop crying, for every word I am typing, I have to go back and dry my eyes and check the spelling. Taking me forever to write this. I feel like my heart has just been ripped out. I don't know what to really say, I can't think, I am so exhausted I'll end up crying myself to sleep.
I feel like the tests and procedures didn't fail, I DID.. like a test I never studied for. I am so tired, hurt and scared, I don't know which is worse.
No matter how much I study up on fusions, no matter how much I thought I knew, The reality of it all is now drawing a blank.
I don't know where to go from here? My surgery is in 2 weeks, but I feel like it's in an hour and I've just been hit by a truck.
Don't even know if I am making sense here. But I love you guys and I know you'll always be here for me. So here I am guys, tears, pain and all, PLEASE Help me.
Stardust

 
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Old 01-17-2005, 09:52 PM   #2
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stidw HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

hey stardust , i am here and i have been thru all the same things you are going thru , there comes a time in you life where you will feel like all hope is gone and thru all the tears and pain all you want to do is not hurt , you feel like a failure but you know what ,.. you are not. you are so strong because you are still here and posting because someday someone some where will read this and your story will give them hope.I am haveing fusion surgery in 2 days...2 days from now i will be in pain. But you know what.. i will still post. i am crying right now also and i have to stop and check myspelling too. I have this great little dog.. west highland white terrier." trooper" is his name and he never leaves my side , he licks the tears from my eyes , kinda of like he know that i will get thru this and so will you. Read mel's post and lori's , and txhunni's .i read them again and again. You will get thru this and we will be here every step of the way. Just think in two days i will be posting from the hospital under morphine ,or my wife will. It shoud be great. Hope is what we make it. So make it what get you thru this.

 
Old 01-17-2005, 11:13 PM   #3
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injured betty HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

These were done today, right? The steroids won't kick in the first day. The local wears off and then you wait for the steroids to kick in. Hang in there.

 
Old 01-17-2005, 11:43 PM   #4
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Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

I understand. I pushed and pushed FOR my fusion-knowing that with each failed "test" I was closer to getting what I wanted. BUT, when I was told I would have the surgery, then was told all that went into it, I broke down too. We wouldn't be normal if we didn't worry about a major surgery such as this. Not only do we know we will be having a serious thing done TO our bodies, but there will be pain afterwards and we don't know what the future will be like. It IS SCARY! But, more scary to me was living like I was not giving myself the chance at something better. I knew that if my surgery failed, I would have a really hard road ahead, but I was prepared. I don't want any of this to scare you more, besides, you should already KNOW these things, which I hope is WHY you are scared! It is a big deal! BUT, trust yourself. Know one thing that keeps me going-the discs will be GONE. THEY can't cause you more grief. I don't know if that will bring you solice or not. It helps me to know that. There are going to be many different reasons we all choose to have surgery, it is a personal choice and you made yours otherwise you would not have given the okay to go ahead. ANyway, I hope this helps ease you. Deep breathe, take a hot bath. If you need to: make a list of pros and cons and see what you get. If you really don't think it is the right choice, YOU can cancel and reschedule. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself more time to reconsider. Best wishes to you. WE are here if you need us!

 
Old 01-18-2005, 12:44 AM   #5
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sandollar HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

I also had a small dog, a peek-a-poo, she never left my side for 13 years, but she died 2 years ago, Altho I asked my kids not to replace her, my Son went out and paid $400.00 for another puppy for me, But she was only with me for a month till the neighborhood teenage drunks thought it would be fun to drive into our yard and run her over. My Son cried as much as I did and we buried her with the first one. My son still feels bad, but I told him, he could of never known that would happen. Someday I will be ready for another "kid" sleeping on my feet, or occationally sneeking up with her head on my pillow But not yet.

I do know the rules of the ESI & Facet, I have them memorized as I think we all do here. But something didn't feel right with this one, I never felt so much pain before, during the procedure, even with 4 versed injections and 2 pain med injections (forgot the names). The first 2, in August & September I wasn't sedated at all, I felt the medicine being injected and getting a warm relaxed feeling in my spine before the pain would grab hold for 4 days, then was fine. But this time when she said she was injecting the meds now, I never felt a thing. I think because she was trying to help the worst area, and before she was guessing according to where the pain was at that time. Something happened this time. I can't explain it. Halfway through I was in severe pain and she kept asking me not to move no matter what, and I didn't.

I will do my best with the pro's & con's list, but I just can't think right now. I guess right now my neice comes to mind, when she was almost 3 (many years ago) my sister in law was reading her a book, but this book was unusually long for her at that age. She looked at her Mother and said: Mommy stop now, my Brains tired!
I think I know what she meant, it sounds silly, but there's alot of truth in it. My brain is just shot right now, maybe depression starting to kick in, dunno and right now I don't even care or know what to do. I just can't think.

Is it a fused area where I will know it won't move anymore? The Doc says no, because that area is not suppose to move. Will I be able to grab up my granddaughters again and dance to the oldies as loud as we can? I really don't know. I share a song with them since they were born called "Sugar Pie, Hunny Bunch, You know that I love you", THATS OUR SONG!, when I am dead and gone, those kids will always think of me and our dancing and singing together. Sure a couple words in it don't apply, but we don't care, it's our favorite anyway.
And we love to do the hand jestures along with it.

I thought if I could go down to the beach and walk in the sun I would feel better and clear my head. But oh no, now it decides to get down to 20 degree's and freezing here in Florida, and the breeze off the Ocean might as well be ice, At least for the next week or so.
I can't take a hot bath mel. I lease a house from a doctor and he didn't like bathtubs and tore it out and put in a huge walk in shower. And I am a tub person. But this has gotten to me to the point of wanting to just get in a corner of the shower and curl up.
But I don't dare. Last time I was found like that it was a nervous breakdown.
I don't want to cancel or postpone it, it will have to be done anyway, and I want to drive to Montana and see my Son and new Grandson this spring.
Stardust

 
Old 01-18-2005, 06:01 AM   #6
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Jessie1 HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

I understand what you're going through, Stardust. Surgery is a scary thing. Even though they call these fusions "elective" surgeries, for a lot of us it's the choice of having a fusion or living the rest of our lives in horrible pain. So even though we make the choice for surgery, it's natural to be really scared beforehand. Remember how scared I was before my surgery? I think everyone with sense is at least a little bit scared. So come here, talk to us. Find things to distract you until your surgery date gets here. We'll be here for you!

Jessie

 
Old 01-18-2005, 08:08 AM   #7
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sandollar HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

Good Morning,
I think I finally was able to get about 1 or 2 hours sleep last night. I don't feel depressed this morning, just still numb and blank.
I've had several surgeries, but I think this one hits me so hard is because I keep thinking I willl forever be restricted and feel pain when I bend, that it will never stop, just get more dull.
My Surgeon tells me I will never know it is fused since that area is not supposed to move in the first place. Somehow I just can't quite believe that.
Stardust

 
Old 01-18-2005, 02:42 PM   #8
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myspine HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

Hi Stardust
As I read your post I thought , we have probably all felt those feelings. It is only natural to be scared about surgery and the unknown, but this is what you do know now.....everyday is very painful, everyday is the same, you have done every other treatment possible without a significant change in the prior days. I am sure before making the decision to have this procedure done you went through the pros and cons over and over and the pros prevailed. The light at the end of the tunnel is the great possibility of painfree days....
sounds good to me. Good luck to you and we will all be here waiting to here how wonderfully well you are doing
shelley

 
Old 01-18-2005, 02:52 PM   #9
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sandollar HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

Thank You,
I can only hope and pray the Surgeon is right and this is an area that is not suppose to move in the first place and I will not miss it. I trust him completely, especially since he has the same problem as I do. But I do have to ask him one question: Why hasn't he fixed his problem??? Maybe his disk still has a little time left, dunno.
I Thank God I have you guys here. I don't know what I would do without you all.
Stardust

 
Old 01-18-2005, 03:55 PM   #10
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myspine HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

Oh btw I forgot to say my fusion is at l4-l5 with hardware and i do NOT notice the limitation in movement. You will do fine.
shelley

 
Old 01-18-2005, 04:50 PM   #11
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sandollar HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

Mine will be at S1 & L5. He doesn't think he wants to fuse the L4 since it's only leaking a tiny amount of fluid into the spinal cord, and said there is a 50% chance of that one getting better on it's own. If it doesn't then more surgery later on.
Stardust

 
Old 01-18-2005, 09:00 PM   #12
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sandollar HB User
Re: ESI & Facet's done today-Scared, PLEASE HELP ME!

[B]*K* [/B] Now I am [U]really [/U] getting worried, at 6:30 in the morning (Wednesday) will be day 3 since the injections, I usually have SOME relief by now. But instead I am in even worse pain. My back is still out really bad, I can't even reach my arms up enough to brush my own hair. Not to mention brushing my teeth this morning was painful enough standing at the sink.
This has never happened. My gut feeling since the first day and even now is that something is wrong.

I know the injections should be kicking in, but I have never gotten worse, once days went by. I always felt some relief to some extent. But not this time.

I haven't removed the gauze yet, but will do that in the morning and try to get a shower, curious also what is under it. The other area's she didn't need to bandage this time. The last time I had 12 bandages and the one large gauze, but this time no bandages, she just did an antibactirial wash over it, but I can see the needle holes and a large gauze to the left side of the L5 area.

I can't get in or out of a chair alone and had to up my Norco. I was taking 10mg & 650 Tylenol, now I take a 7.5 Norco AND a 5/325 Norco, but no relief for my back this time. It's not even working. I tried adding 2 benedryl along with it to help me sleep. But I can't feel any relief at all .
I don't understand it. I called the PM doc, but they are in the middle of moving thier office (I didn't know about it) and the Doc isn't working today.
So I called the Surgeons office to report the results, but just got his answering machine and no call back .

My head is telling me to go with my gut instinct on this. That I really need to get in and tell the surgeon about what is happening.
What should I do? Do you think I need to still give it [U]MORE[/U] time? But what if I am right and something got irritated and made everything worse?
Stardust
PS. Yes the pro's have outweighed the con's by a long shot .

 
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