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Old 04-25-2005, 08:23 AM   #1
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rowboat HB User
How do I prepare my kids?

I've spent the past week trying to prepare myself and my husband for life after my surgery. Trying to find out as much as I can about how "disabled" I will be. I've tried to prepare my boss, too, but I think he's in denial. He doesn't want to talk about it. But how do I prepare my girls? I have 3 beautiful little darlings (or brats, depending on the day) ages 4, 6, and 12. I talked to my oldest when I made the decision and I tried to explain to her that I will rely on her for help, but I don't think she gets it. My surgery is scheduled for May 12 and she has signed up for a girl scout outing on the 21st and volunteered to help set up for a performing arts awards dinner on the 22nd. I'm also concerned about how my middle daughter will take it since she has a history of getting tummy aches when she gets upset. And she tends to really worry about stuff. (She's been worried for the past two years about whether or not they will cut her belly to get her baby out when she becomes a mom) And then there's the baby. She is probably the one closest to me. She had a really rough start with being really sick, so we spent a lot of time just cuddling. I call her my "snuggle buddy".

The only times I've been away from my family is when I've been in the hospital giving birth to one of them (unless they were spending the night somewhere). I'm really worried about how they will handle it. My hubby is a GREAT dad, but he's not mom. He gave the little ones a bath last night and then brushed their hair (which is a nightmare as they have naturally curly hair). He told them he had to practice up for when mom can't do it.

Sorry to be so long-winded. I'm just really worried about my babies.

oh, one more kind of silly question...should I get my hair cut? I have long hair and I'm thinking maybe I should cut if off before my surgery so I don't have to deal with it. I'm not one that's really attached to my hair. I cut it all off 1 1/2 years ago and donated it to Locks of Love. And it grew back. But will it make it easier for me if I cut it short? (Especially since summer is coming....I think...it snowed here yesterday)

Thanks again for all your support!!

Becky

 
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Old 04-25-2005, 09:50 AM   #2
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monacks HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

I don't know what your surgery will entail or how long you will be off your feet. I do know that I had foot surgery two years ago. My kids were 1.5 and 2.5 at the time. I was on crutches for 2 weeks and then limping around for another 2 weeks. My hubby, who is a good dad too, got real tired of doing all of the work. I think he lasted 2 days, then had his sister come over every night. I was very disappointed in him, but that's for another board. Anyways, do you have some kind of extra back-up in place? It might be a good idea to have some family or friends on call to be able to help out.

As far as the kids go - I think if you just explain to them what is going on and spend some time with them, that's all you can do. Then once you're feeling better, you can just be there. If you're bed ridden, they can come in and just spend time with you. I'm not sure what else to tell you, maybe someone who's been thru it can tell you better. Good luck.

 
Old 04-25-2005, 10:13 AM   #3
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StMishl HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

Hiya...
I had a fusion L4-5 and a Lami L3 in dec. I have 2 girls, 9 & 12. Before my surgery I purchased the cheap throw blankets you can get just about anywhere and told the girls they were mine. I cuddeled with the blankets whenever the girls were around (and with the girls too... really "filled them up with love". So that when it was time... they each had a blanket that covered them with mommy love. I also scheuled a special day with each of them 3 month out (don't try sooner- you'll regret it)... predicure with oldest, for the youngest a trip to the pound (not to get a new pet-- just to look) - she wants to be a vet. Also, make sure you and your hubby are clear on rather you want the girls there at the hospital the first day or two... You may want to wait until you feel a bit more like yourself.

All in all tho, my girls were willing great at wanting to help, (of course now at 4 months its not so much)...but they do ask for "love re-fills" on their blankets =)

Best wishes for you!
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StMishl Failed Bk Fusion, facet joint/hip issues & RA -Wish I could Jump like him!

Last edited by StMishl; 04-25-2005 at 10:15 AM.

 
Old 04-25-2005, 10:33 AM   #4
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rowboat HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

StMishl-
I LOVE the blanket idea! That is so cool. I already kind of do that with my little one when she won't go to bed. I send her with my blanket that I use on the couch. Works every time.

I'm having a fusion at L5-S1. I'm really hoping it goes smoothly. I'm a little worried about my hubby. While I know his intentions are good, I just keep thinking back to when our second was born. She was a c-section baby. When I got home, he had my mom there for 1/2 a day and that was it. Then I was back in charge of laundry, dishes, dinner, plus the new baby! I'm hoping he'll do better this time.

Our plan right now is for hubby to bring the kids down Friday afternoon (surgery is Thursday). If I'm in really bad shape, he won't, but I think it would actually help me to see them. I know when I was in labor for 46 hours with the last baby, my in-laws brought the kids in right at hour 44. (I think that's what helped move me along. I stopped worrying about them)

Would it be wrong for me to buy them each a little present to give them when they come see me? I spoil my kids, but I thought that would give them a positive thing to remember.

Thanks again!

Becky

 
Old 04-25-2005, 01:09 PM   #5
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StMishl HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

I had my hubby have the girls buy them something small to give me (lipgloss, hair scrunchie, magazines, etc)... they felt very helpless seeing me in pain (hubby told me later) and this seemed to me a way to "help me". Also keep the visit SHORT. Just my opinion.

Hubby took the girls to movies I think 3-4 times (I was in the hospital 6 days) -- it was eaier on him and they ate movie food (hey, it didn't kill them!) so that was a big treat. Also, I pre-made lots of meals before surgery (a company called dream dinners is here- very helpful, look it up online) so all I had to do was have hubby heat dinner once I got home - better (and cheaper) then pizza.

Warning, the hospital was pretty easy, where I had a hard time was about week 3.... you feel pretty ok, but develop wicked cabin fever, think you should be able to do "more", push too hard, and end up WAY HURTING.... DO NOT DO THIS.....

Best wishes
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StMishl Failed Bk Fusion, facet joint/hip issues & RA -Wish I could Jump like him!

 
Old 04-25-2005, 01:39 PM   #6
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Bionicwan HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

Becky

You almost (sorta kinda did) made me cry reading your post. It is so very evident what a GREAT mom you are!!!!

Not once did you elude to any of the fears you have about you and your surgery ~ only the girls and dad.

Your awesome!

Now listen, honest.
It will be sorta haywire at home and everyone will go through changes at 1st. But Becky, they do that for a couple days if you or Dad are sick in bed....right? It's gonna BE FINE!

I think it is a GREAT GREAT GREAT idea for Dad to start being Mom now ~
so he can have "Mom" as his teacher. And you also get these new precious memories that will certainly outway the short not no fun ones ahead.

Just tell the little ones them that Mommy's back is broke and you must stay a couple days while the Dr fixes it. You will WALK into your home when you get there, afterwards, they'll understand that Mommy is just very sore. And within a week or so, it will seem almost like normal at home, except Mommy's back is quite sore. And you'll be able to snuggle with the Angel before you think!! I was so worried I'd loose out on my Grandson, but I didn't ~ not at all.

I have very long hair and I did fine. I keep it up in a bun most of the time anyway ~ but I was sure glad when I got to take my 1st tub bath and wash it!!!



Hugs my friend,
Bionic

Last edited by Bionicwan; 04-25-2005 at 01:43 PM.

 
Old 04-25-2005, 03:24 PM   #7
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rowboat HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

hey Bionic- you made me almost cry. Thanks for the very kind words. I know my kids will be ok once I'm home. It will be a lot like it is now. My little Angel is always saying "I give you lots of hugs...that will make your back feel better". And I know hubby will be fine, too. I just have a hard time letting go. Know what I mean? I'm the mommy. I've always been the mommy and I will always be the mommy.

My littlest one surprised me tonite. When we got home from work, Daddy said he was going to take them shopping to buy mommy presents (Ooh, I get birthday, then Mother's Day and then he better get me flowers when I'm in the hospital!!). Little Miss Angiebutt informed him she wanted to stay with me. She told him he could buy me something and she would give it to me. What a kid!

I just hope my kids can be patient with me. They really want me to be able to play outside with them. Especially my oldest. I'm hoping once I start getting better, she and I can go for nice long walks. (and she won't have to carry me home!)

Thanks again for being so great!!

bec

 
Old 04-26-2005, 12:46 AM   #8
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Bionicwan HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

When is your Birthday Bec?

and while patience is a foreign word to most little ones ~ they will do fine.
your children love you very much and I think you'll soon see how fast they turn into super helpers for Mom. As for the walks, that should be no problem hopefully in just a couple weeks after surgery you and her will be walking away! Walking will be one of THE BEST things you could possibly do to speed your recovery!!
your are blessed to have such adorable kids and supportive husband.
I think having little gifts for them is a great idea.

StMishl has pointed out something VERY VERY important. The BIGGEST mistake fusionites tend to do is OVER DO. It's so hard to NOT do things when we begin to feel like we can, you've GOT to take things easy at 1st and at 1st that means DO NOTHING but walk, walk, walk (*NO LAUNDRY - NO HOUSEWORK - NO NOTHING LIKE NORMAL MOM CHORES) at 1st. Just short walks through the house (with a walker) at 1st and then gradually increase this as your endurance and Dr will let you.

StMishl: The blanket idea is beyond a doubt the sweetest idea I've ever heard.

Hugs,
Bionic

 
Old 04-26-2005, 03:33 AM   #9
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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rowboat HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

hey Bionic!

I like the nickname. I think we should all get t-shirts with "fusionites" on it.

Today is my bday!!

Bec

 
Old 04-26-2005, 11:33 AM   #10
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StMishl HB User
Re: How do I prepare my kids?

Happy Birthday!!

I "hugged" my kiddos - even in the hospital, we just VERY carefully had them lay next to me in the bed. I have a lazyboy (A GREAT gift from my hubby right before my surgery - I lived in the thing the first few weeks home), and the girls could carefully sit next to me in it too (NOTE: not ON me!!). Also, they made me pictures for the hospital room to cheer me up (we adopted the theme from Finding Nemo - :"just keep Swimming, just keep swimming, what do you do we swiiimmm" - kind of like one step at a time ... It really worked when I was scared or hurting, and the girls drew me a virtual aquarium for the room, and the living room when I got home.

I love the idea of having daddy start being Mr mom now... Everyone will rise to the occasion - you'll see. Is there a time someone else can watch the girls for hubby so while you are in the hospital you can have hubby to yourself? You may want to have some time where you don't have to be strong (the MOM) - where he can be your rock.

Soon you'll be posting as a fusionite its a "great" club, really.
I kept me long hair too, just bring a scrunchie.

-Michelle
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StMishl Failed Bk Fusion, facet joint/hip issues & RA -Wish I could Jump like him!

Last edited by StMishl; 04-26-2005 at 11:43 AM.

 
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