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Old 04-29-2005, 11:03 AM   #1
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justjustine HB User
Pain starting to get to me emotionally

I am feeling so depressed and blue today. I have been on my back since last Saturday; only getting up to go to the bathroom...and that takes about 20 minutes by the time I get there and back to the couch again.

I have had back problems for about 10 years now. My first and only back surgery was a discectomy and laminectomy. I lived pain free for a number of years, but developed problems with scar tissue. I have had bouts of pain and immobility several times but this is by far the worst.

I went back to college 2 years ago (after a 20 year hiatus) and took Medical Office Administration. I truly loved school and would make sure I was there every day regardless of how my back was. I received a scholarship and the top grades in my class. I worked so hard for this to try to get things back in order with my life. I went on placement for 3 weeks at a clinic in town and was hired before the placement ended. This is why I am so depressed. I really pushed myself to do well in school and it paid off with a job that is supposed to start on May 9. Now I don't even know if I will be able to take it; not unless the pain diminishes enough that I am able to walk.

I feel so fed up with the speed of the health care system in Canada. Everything takes weeks and months to be done. My back went out on me at the end of January and my appointment with the surgeon was not until May 17. I had to beg to be seen earlier and the soonest I could get was April 22. My GP ordered a CT scan and that took 6 weeks. If I were to schedule an MRI it would take several months. Now I am waiting for an appointment for a PM clinic. I am told this will take quite a while. I feel like just giving up and staying in this disabled state forever. I worked so hard and this is what I get???

Sorry for rambling and I know many of you are in the same boat. Do you feel yourselves slipping into a depressed mode? How do you combat this? Does every minute of the day feel like a week to you sometimes?

 
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Old 04-29-2005, 02:43 PM   #2
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myspine HB User
Re: Pain starting to get to me emotionally

JJ
I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. It seems you have worked very hard to have this happen. It is so normal to feel like this is life consuming because it actually gets that way. I will be having my 5th surgery in a few weeks and i am 34 . i do work full time and have 3 kids but it is hard to wake up and keep going through the day each and every day, but you just have to. I hope that things start to improve so that you are able to atleast start your job while your waiting for your appts. Did you already have your CT scan? did your doc say what it showed? Keep us posted. Good luck and feel free to always vent here that is what we are here for.
shelley

 
Old 04-29-2005, 03:09 PM   #3
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diva78 HB User
Re: Pain starting to get to me emotionally

I wish I could be there to lift you up in person. Sounds like you need someone in front of you to tell you some jokes and do some juggling!
I have had my days and weeks of depression as well...the key is to not let yourself stay in it. It's okay to throw a pitty party every now and again...but not everyday. You need to keep telling yourself that this is just temporary and that you will get through it. Mental is half the battle....trust me...I'm an expert at depression! I know how it must be not being able to leave the couch or the house much less...but just take one day at a time and don't overdo it. Your body will tell you when its ready to do more...until it does...don't do more than you are able. Try watching some good comedy on the TV...or read a funny book. Anything to take your mind out of a depressed state and into a euphoric laughter type state....it will amaze you how laughter really is the best medicine. I wish that I could say something more that could help...but I myself am sort of blah today....just know that we are all here routing for you and wishing you nothing but the best. Good luck this weekend and I really hope that things turn around for you by May 9th so you can enjoy the benefits of all that you have worked hard to achieve. Lots of hugs and love!
xoxox Diva~

 
Old 05-03-2005, 05:51 AM   #4
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Re: Pain starting to get to me emotionally

justjustine

- It sounds like you have overcome a lot to get where you are. It's common to be depressed when you have lost so much because of health problems. Depression can become an organic change in your brain if you let it go to long. This can make it easier to become depressed in the future.

When I became depressed, I almost waited too long. I thought it was something that I could overcome by trying to be happier. I didn't want to seek help for it, that wasn't how I was raised. It wasn't until I heard that Mike Wallace has received treatment for depression that I thought it would be okay for me, also. After awhile, I started having more good days than bad, until I no longer needed treatment.

If you find that you are depressed for several weeks at at time, you might want to consider seeing a therapist or taking antidepressants. It really helps.
__________________
Discectomy Aug 2002
Reduction Mammoplasty June 2003
Numerous ESI's, chiros, pts, electrotherapy

 
Old 05-03-2005, 07:14 AM   #5
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whackedback HB Userwhackedback HB Userwhackedback HB User
Re: Pain starting to get to me emotionally

Justine -

Chronic pain can weigh down on your every waking thought. I hope you will do as I did, go see your back doctor or PCP and let them precribe you at least a low dosage of an anti-depressant. I was on Effexor for about 8 months until I got a second laminectomy, and then right after the surgery, my back doctor put me on a 2 month wean-off schedule. With less than 5% of the pain I had before, it was no longer needed, but it was a big help when I did need it.

whackedback

 
Old 05-03-2005, 09:39 AM   #6
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JWHIT HB User
Re: Pain starting to get to me emotionally

Hang in there! I too have been on a rollercoaster of emotions for 4 yrs. now. Some days it is truely overwellming to be happy about anything. You just have to take one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow or next week, just get through the day and focus on the little things that make you smile. I can say these things today because I am having a good day, it's only 9:30 AM. I usually start out pretty good, tight legs, feet tender at first, but hey, I was able to get out of bed. It is so hard to think of our lives before back injuries, all the things we thought we would be doing. Who knows why it happens, why some heal so fast, and some of us not at all. As long as you keep moving forward, mentally especially, who cares if it's at a snails pace, as long as it's forward. Some days I want someone to just push me around in a wheel chair cause I hurt so bad, but I don't I walk cuz I still can! I think mentally for me, if I gave into that I would spiral downward fast, not good! I hope you have a happy day, and your pain is not so bad so that you can go and enjoy something you love to do. God Bless You, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayer's.
Jean

 
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