Hi All,
Just here looking for some reinforcements, I had a bad bad day today, very depressed, ended up in bed for a good part of the day, hubby even brought me something to eat in bed. I haven't felt this down in a good while. Nothing happened to bring this on, i am really trying to shake it off but thats not working. So here I am, hoping to get a lil uplifting words from the ones that really know how I feel everyday with this terrible body I have been given.
I tried to hide it from the kids(15 & 18) guess they can't be fooled anymore. I really hope this passes as fast as it set in. Thanks in advance for any replies.
God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
Last edited by mamakitkat; 05-30-2006 at 10:14 PM.
My goodness, sorry to hear you are blue today, and glad you reached out for some comfort from those that do understand what you are going through. No, the kids can't be fooled at any age. They also know you too well too!
You think your just having a typical down day or do you think it's the increase in the meds recently?? And with what you have been through, I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling alittle down. I am one of those real sickening people that is ALWAYS upbeat.. and I too have found myself struggle with my "pitypot" as I call it from time to time. But then I manage to push it away.
And remember IT WILL PASS, just relax.. lay down.. listen to some soothing music and just let your mind go. Some long deep relaxing breaths, feel your body let go of the tension from your toes.. and work your way up to your eyes and head.. just continue relaxing and hopefully you will begin to feel some of that feeling go and hopefully fall asleep. The next day is going to better than today. Tell yourself that. Cuz it will!
I am sending you a "virtual" KitKat bar, cuz if I sent a real one.. it would melt.. it's so darn hot here in VA.
It's the typical half empty or half full thing. Remember.. we could be a lot worse off then we are. We have been dealt a bad back hand indeed, but it could be worse. Also, remember you have a loving supportive family there to help you through it all! Not everyone has that either.
Then there is us folks here on this board too, that care about you too. We have not met, yet I feel a kinship to you. I feel your pain gal, and I am taking some of it off you right now.. feel better, feel lighter and feel happy again!
I know tomorrow will be a brighter day for you Carol. Keep me posted please! Thinking of you!! Tammy
Hi Tammy,
I should have known you would be there, I too seem to already know you somehow. The mamakitkat is becasue I foster motherless kittens for our local shelter, my hubby works for them now, but I did for a few years before I got too bad to work. I have fostered over 100 kittens and more than a handful of pups. I would keep all the pups if I did too many of them. I have 4 dogs, 2 chihuahuas ( one short hair, one long hair) one terrier mix and a shepard/collie mix, 3 cats(two were fosters) and 1 hamster. So you see I'm hardly alone all day !
Thanks you so much for yoru support. I know this too shall pass, I'm not really sure thisis because of the back, I just dont' really want bothered with anything at all today. Maybe it's more bored? I'm not really sure, I just don't even want to answer the phone. I will take your advice, I guess we are all allowed to have that pity party once in a while.
Thanks for caring!!!
God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
Hi there,
I hear ya! I have had a terrible week. This is just one of the things that we unfortunately have to deal with when it comes to living chronic pain. More than 50% of patients that live with chronic pain suffer from depression, I would say it's a lot higher than 50%. It kinda goes hand in hand. I don't know what to tell you except for that you are not alone. When I am having a "bad spell" I try really hard to get myself on the treadmill. It always helps me a little bit, or I try to get out for a walk. I don't always feel better mentally but it helps me physically and in some other way that I can't explain. It doesn't make me "happy" but I guess it's always nice to get up or out and get moving even just for a little bit.
I hope by now you are feeling better. Remember there's always light at the end of the tunnel.
Take care and let me know how you are. Kristy.
BTW - I'm glad to know what the nickname stadnds for. It's a catchy one and I've always kinda wondered about it. You're a good person for doing what you do.
hey mama,
i am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well.I really hate the days that i feel so down and out.But if it wasn't for the bad days we would not be grateful for the gooddays.This too shall pass. feel better kelsey1
Thank you. Wow.. the fostering you do.. that is a wonderful uplifting thing you do! hehehe!! I love kittens, but am extremely allergic to them. But, I have 3 long haired dogs.. they shed like crazy.. but I can tolerate them very well. Pets give us so much love dont they? My boys are two long haired german shepard mixes (Bandit and Clueless) and one 3/4 australian shepard 1/4 golden (we think) and his name is OBE for Old Blue Eyes (his eyes are blue). All are pound puppies. They are very smart guys, very easily trained. They have toy boxes and have run of the house. The only thing I dont let them on are my sofas and my bed right now cuz of the back. They play all the time and are all over the house chasing each other. Wouldnt trade them for anything.
Carol, hang in there. Maybe a change of scenery is in order. I think you should try and break up your routine a bit. How about a trip with your kids..to get ice cream. Doesnt matter what age they are.. it's ice cream! hehehe. Something like that. A trip to Bordrers bookstore and a coffee. That is a nice and relaxing trip out.
Thinking of you.. and will check on you again tomorow. Let me know how you are doing! Get some sleep Carol. Tammy
Hello All:
I am new to this board, but I'm also having a bad pain day which has made my mood terrible. I think the smallest thing could push me over the edge. Like a fly on the table, you know what I mean? Reading some from all of you has made it a little easier though. Just wanted to say thanks.....................
jeanne
Jeanne welcome to the boards. This is great place to read, share and be with others that understand what you are going through. There are some wonderful people here. Take care and I hope you are feeling better today. Tammy
Hi All,
Thanks so much for the shoulder to lean on, so to speak. Welcome Jeanne, I do hope you get as much out of these boards as I have, it is sometimes the only place to go where people know how you feel. I have learned so much here.
Tammy, I do love my critters, if it werent' for my hubby I would have more than we already do. I am partial to my chihuahua's, they do love to be lap dogs. Right now my hubby and 18 old son work at the shelter, hubby is facilities coordinator, son works with the dogs.My oldest is in Iraq, he found a camel spider, that he and his 3 other marine buddies have decided to keep, they are boys at heart. They feed it bats and lizards, it's as big as the palm of their hand! Not what I would call a pet. So we all have that critter bug in us,lol.
I do feel a lil better today, but just can't seem to shake that blah feeling all the way. It does feel so good to see that I'm not the only one. As much as I do not want others to feel this way. I am going to take the walking advice, if it cools down later today, it's so terribly hot amd muggy here. I know that exercise does release certain chemicals in the brain that do help with depression.
Thanks again everyone!!!
God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
My Goodness, I'm thinkin your day has gotten better! I get the same way some days, heck I bet everyone here has em! Come on in and chat it out, glad to see your still here, been having complications myself. Take care, LD
Carol
I'm so sorry to hear that you are having a bad day, you may want to get a free yahoo account just go to Yahoo.com follow the steps. I get so bored and the bords are wonderful but I need immeadite contact. So I go to the chat rooms, I like the textile rooms especially textiles 1 and textiles 3. The chatters are great and uplifting. I do know depression is a part of chronic pain and have had depression so bad I could not function for 9 months, once not even because of chronic pain. What I do know about it is People (great people ) help because we do get bored, lonely, and feel worthless. We are not we just have a diffrent slant on normal...normal is a day when we can get close to what we once were. Don't dispare I'm there for you and you can have some almost live bodies there for you Yahoo even has chats for back pain sufferes. Try it it may be the rope you are looking for.
Becki
Hi All,
Well I never dreamed I would get such a response. I do thank you all so very much. I have always hesitated on the live chat rooms, I have gotten on a few and there always seems to be some jerk on there ruining it for everyone. Thats why I love the message boards so much I guess. I must say it's been a long time since I have seen such a caring group of people, maybe because we all share that common thread (no pun intended) lol.
I do feel better this evening or should I say early morning. I got out of the house today for a bit, watched the thunder storms, we had two pretty good ones today, they always seem to intrigue me. But after the storm there is that feeling of a new start, it always seems to make me feel better, like mother nature is cleaning things up for us. I know I sound really crazy, maybe a bit, lol.
I have read many posts today also, I do really have many blessings to count.
LD, what kind of complications?? it's been a while since I have seen you on here. I do hope things aren't too bad.
Becki, I do certainly know what you mean by our normal being different. I do miss how I used to be, especially when I worked at the animal shelter. I used to spend all my break and lunch time helping the scared ones by holding them, my boss would have to make me eat lunch sometimes. My hubby has told me that he loves the look i get on my face when i go there and socialize with the animals, it is truely when I'm at my best and sometimes I can even really not feel the pain at all.
Once again, thanks to all of you, it really does mean so much to me to see all of you that care.
God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
Hello Carol,
Are you feeling any better? I've been in a rough stretch of water myself. We are in a terrific heat wave (I hate them) and my knee and back are ina sorry state. Finally, I wrapped my knee up in a bandage and it has made a great improvement. Phew! I was beginning to fear I might have to call the Doc and I knew that would probably blow my surgery date. Thank goodness for ice and ace!
I began getting starnge letters from my insurance last week with language that said my new surgeon is not a plan provider for me! Needless to say, it has been a little distracting. They have approved the surgery and the BMP but they send this letter to tell me I can only see the doctor 3 times in 90 days. Well, I've used up 2 so my surgery is may last visit? Nuts. I have been busy all week trying to sort this out and no luck so far.
I keep telling myself that I am lucky to have an insurance company to fight with. It is all that has kept me out of the dumps.
Thinking about you Carol and hoping you have had a better day. Suzy-Q
Hi Suzy,
Sorry I haven't been on computer the last day or so, I am slowly getting back to normal, we have had lots of storms here, rain is my ENEMY, I have been in some severe pain the last day & 1/2. Had dr.'s appt. for my 15 yr old son this morning, had an infected toe, yuck!!!! Since i'm not driving i had to walk to docs office, luckily it just a block away, but with the rainy weather it seemed like a mile away. So now I'm home and have taken my meds so off to sleepy land for me, at least for a lil while. I'm trying to stay out of bed, that where I retreat to when i'm down, but this time i'm just sleepy.
I can't believe the ins. would be like that, they really shouls have told you that at first. I can't stand how they act like they are the Dr. doctors really don't have free reign to treat you anymore. And to think the ones making the decisions aren't even Dr.'s, thats scary.
I hear ya with the knee thing to, I have arthritis in both knees, it doesn't help your back one bit when the knees start acting up. I have a knee brace that I wear when both the back and knee are bad, your right it does help alot. I hope your knee quiets down for good before the surgery.
It's rough when your in pain and have to deal with ins. co., makes you want to hurt them sometimes. I'll be praying for ya! Thanks for caring!
God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
Last edited by mamakitkat; 06-02-2006 at 08:22 AM.
Hello Carol,
I thought of you many times today at work while I battled the behemoth insurance company and a swollen knee at the same time as trying to do some work! I thought of your struggles with money and the blues. And I took comfort from knowing you were fighting the good fight, too. It is a struggle some days, isn't it?
I figured from the first that my insurance troubles were due to some nonsensical mix-up - and indeed, I was right. It took me all day and I had to call in the big guns (union rep and high-muckity-muck state gov official) but in the end, at 4:30, I received the call from the wonderful and blessed Christine who told me it was over, the insurance company had discovered and 'fixed' the error.
The cause of the trouble was my PCP and their action that triggered this debacle was as innocent as could be. They called the insurance prior to making the referal for me to see my Boston doc thinking to be sure I was going to be approved to see this out-of-state doctor. Bless them, they wanted to make sure I didn't get stuck with the bill. But the call went awry because the insurance person made a mistake and the doc became tagged as a non-network provider for me. And thus was several weeks of heartache and worry born. But dear, dear Christine has made all that go away. All Hail Christine! Blessed Be Christine!
I am sitting here with a glass of wine trying to wash the stress from me. It helps. I have tried so hard to stay cheerful and I manage it easily most days. But yesterday I was down and very down, indeed. I am so deeply grateful for you and all of the good people on this board. There is no replacement for the special friendship I find here and with you.
Tomorrow I will travel back to Boaton for a 'fusion class' offered by the hospital. It should be a hoot, no? My sister is going with me and we plan to make a trip to Trader Joe's after. I want to stock up on my favorite line of TJ's personal hygene products (cruelty-free citrus shampoo, body wash, lotion, etc at a bargain price) and I'll get a bunch of yummy gourmet items that my husband, Chris, adores. I have to go back to Boston on Tuesday for my pre-surgery screening, 2nd blood donation, and full xray series. I haven't gotten my cervical MRI results back yet and the insurance hassle drove it from my mind entirely. It can wait till Monday.
So, a hectic and trying week is over for me and Sunday promises to be grand. My super duper husband is helping me with the grommets in my one-of-a-kind homemade Roman shades. On Sunday, I'll finish the project and we'll install the treatment and my bedroom will be transformed! I can't wait.
Things are looking up. I hope they are for you, too, Carol. You have had a hard road to travel for some time now. I had a glimpse this week of how very hard that road must be for you. I wish that it were not so. Till ...Sunday - Suzy-Q
Hi Suzy,
Hail the Great Christine!!!!!! I think every ins. co. should have at least one! Well your well on your way now, don't ya just love the tests? I'mso glad you didnt go into your surgery having those problems hanging over your head, or worse yet have to cancel the date.
I wish I could see your creations, I tend to be a bit crafty too, hubby just hates when I say " I was thinking" cause he knows that means WE not I are doing the work,lolol. I mostly have stayed with making greeting cards now, He doesn't have to help me with that.
I have been able to shake a good part of the depression off so far. the weather is starting to clear up a lil too, that makes my body less achey, that is a big help too.
I hope ya have a good weekend, God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
Carol -- I feel for you with the depression and pain, and am glad your hub brought you food in bed. Sometimes you just need to muck your way through the bad feelings both physically and emotionally and I find that a grilled cheese sandwich in bed always helps me through. We've had a lot of rain these past few days and although rain never depressed me before, the pain that accompanies it (or, in my case, precedes it) puts a whole new perspective on it. I like what you said (or was it Tammy?) about the sense of renewal after rains so I will keep that in mind if this rain ever ends. Oy vey.
Suzy -- good luck with the blood banking this week and I hope your fusion class was a hoot and a half. At this point, you probably could be teaching it!
I am now a believer in the idea that bad things come in threes. It might be some old wives tale, but my mother in law died two weeks before my surgery after a grueling battle with cancer (#1), then I needed this nasty surgery (#2) and now my dad has what the docs believe is cancer (#3!). My parents and bro are flying up here from Fla in about 10 days to see a surgeon and he will most definitely have his surgery in NY. They'll probably be living me with for summer. Just when I selfishly thought that my hub and I were close to having our lives back after so much pain (he suffers with me!), my dad starts going through his own personal health nightmare. It feels so unfair and I am especially sad for my husband, who has had to put up with so much lately -- and now his parents-in-law for the summer. Plus we have to give up our bedroom because my dad cant climb stairs. Aaaaah! Thanks for listening -- I guess I needed to vent a little and this seemed like the thread to do it!
Carol- I am SO GLAD to see you back to yourself again, and posting your usual UPLIFTING posts I have seen from you once again! I know sunshine certainly brightens my disposition, so glad to see the weather is getting better there. You mentioned the word "WE".. hahaha. I use that phrase all the time lately, and my boyfriend has just had the best time with it.. by saying.. "Oh yes, WE did" or "yes, WE think that too"! Yep most things that I want, do definitely mean WE! hehehe.
I get such pride of little things that I can do, that I can accomplish on my own. Something as simple as today.. I loaded the dishwasher myself, and was able to put the soap powder in, shut that darn door part to keep it in.. and start it! (Althought I did make use of the grabby thing to help me some with it.) My dishwasher is one of those types where the bottom part goes almost to the ground.. so you can get big pots and pans in there for washing. So I was so proud of that little tiny accomplishment. I thought I never took much for granted before, but this back experience has certainly heightened my appreciation of things all the more.
SuzyQ - So glad that your insurance issues were worked out. I have out of network doctor and hospital too. The most expensive payment for me so far.. is the doctor. I am getting soaked for about 30% of his fee. Not sure why, so I will check with the insurance again.. as where the hospital bill which was disgustingly high at about $50K.. I had to only pay $234.00. So I am so glad that you had all that worked out ahead of time.
What we go through just to try and get some relief for our pain. Most people probably think you just show up at a hospital and have surgery, and have no clue what goes on beforehand with all the testing, blood donation, etc. I think the anesthesia is the only vacation part of the whole thing! hehehe. We deserve that good sleep after the prep work.. dont you think? hehehe! I am so glad your day is fast approaching for you Suz.
Schragie - My goodness I am so sorry to hear about your family issues. I am not supersticous by any stretch, but I have thought to myself sometimes.. that there is some merit to the "things come in 3's" at times. I think it's wonderful that you are able to open your home to your family in their time in need and even giving up your bedroom. I would do the same, if I were in your shoes. Our master bedroom is also on the main level, and we would gladly give up our room to help others out too. Just don't forget that you are healing too, and not putting yourself in jeopardy by giving up too much there. Be careful. I hope that your family gets well soon and that you are feeling a bit better.
Well.. I made my long journey to further my processing for my topsecret clearance for my new job in the fall. We broke up the 3 hour ride going down by stopping and eating lunch. The way back.. we drove it straight through, and made really good time too! We decided to ignore the "suggested speed signs" hahaha! I really could have used to break it up coming back.. but our dogs had been couped up all day and holding it for me, so I figured I could tough it out to get back to let them out. I am a bit sore today.. but doing alright. I see this as a good sign. My new bed arrived today.. so I also hope that will help me sleep better at night. It better, that bed costs a bloody fortune! We had a brand new pool table we decided to sell and it was bought and picked up today too! There you go.. "things happen in 3's!!!"
Hope this finds you all feeling even better today.. and I am thinking everyone! Enjoy the rest of your weekend! Tammy
