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Old 02-28-2007, 04:24 PM   #1
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Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

I am new and this is only my 2nd post so please forgive me of any wrong doings.

As I stated in my 1st post I have been dealing with my back for approx 25 years. Lately I have had injections my back and they have worn off. I am scheduled for additional injections on 3/6 and until then I am taking 1-2 percocet every 4-5 hours along with 1-2 skelaxin. Twice a day I am taking Lyrica . All of this helps however the pain never really goes away. My boss has been very kind and gave me the time off until I get my injections next Tuesday…..have been off for 2 ½ weeks to date.

I try not taking the meds because I wonder if I am just making it all up, then the pain comes back and I wait until it almost becomes unbearable and I take the meds again on a schedule. I fell guilty I am not at work plus I am afraid I will loose my job because I am missing so much work. Maybe I am just paranoid! After finding this website and reading some of the posts I realize I am not the only one who has the same back, leg, feet and groin pain.

I just hope that those I work for understand this is real. I do have one question though, how do you convince a spouse this is real?

Thanks for listening.

 
Old 02-28-2007, 05:07 PM   #2
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Hey Scooter
I played the feeling guilty girl and I worked through my back pain, and ended up hurting myself terribly through weakening my back, and not taking care of it, and giving it the break it was asking for (you know your back wants a break when it hurts you...FYI).
Take the time out to really care for your back, and make sure that you are strong enough to return to work. I thought my back was in terrible shape, and in so much pain (which it was at the time), but I worked through it back then!!!!, and NOW I can't believe that it is actually worse and in MORE pain than before (which I did not think was possible at that time).
My vote is for you to keep venting, take meds just enough that you ate not crying every day (b/c you never know how long you're goinjg to be in pain, and the longer you try and tough it out, the more sensitive to pain you might actually become.), and try and get that back better! Best of luck to ya friend.
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Old 02-28-2007, 07:29 PM   #3
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Well we all feel guilt from time to time especially to our familys..but that is no reason to torture yourself and not take your meds. Getting your pain under control will help your overall feeling not just your back. Plus alot of times after you take them a little while some of the side effects go away and would make it easier for you to return to work..hopefully.

This place is wonderful for venting...as we all understand. I hope the injections help you. vette

 
Old 02-28-2007, 10:59 PM   #4
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Hi scooter

Pain is a big thing to cope with and is very hard for other people to understand just what you go through.
I have gone through the disbelief stage,the depressed stage,and the angry stage.
Even now after 2 years of chronic pain i still have my spates of feeling low but i have learnt not to keep it in an after a good cry feel heaps better!

I ended up getting a job working from home which can be done 24/7 which has helped alot.
An this forum has been a god send!!

I hope you get some relief soon!

Best wishes

 
Old 03-01-2007, 03:13 AM   #5
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

It has been hard to express this experience to those who have not suffered from Chronic Back Pain. Sometimes I feel like people are looking at me as if I have two heads or something. Thanks Babs, Yvette and Sherry for listening and most of all understanding. It is a hard road we must travel! I will keep my head up and look for better time ahead.

Thanks

 
Old 03-01-2007, 03:25 AM   #6
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Venting is a good thing... I know that at times, I have doubted myself..how could I have this much pain...and others doubt that it can be this bad....yeah, sure, it's real. I too have delayed taking medication, don't do it, the pain comes back...worse. My husband is a dear person, but I really think that he didn't believe it could be this bad..UNTIL he developed facet joint arthritis. He is one of the very lucky ones, the facet injections helped him greatly. BUT, now he knows...he believes I am in pain..and now knows and understands what it's like... I hated to see him in pain....but a littler part of my brain said, ha, now you see what it's like.....I felt awful thinking that way, but it's true. (after 4 years of me hurting, he gets 2 sets of shots and is soooo much better, I felt envy.) Does that make me a bad person, no, it makes me a human being.
Just take your meds.....vent here if you want to....all of those on this Board understand...it's a good place.


Sage

 
Old 03-01-2007, 03:58 AM   #7
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Oh........this hits home. Right now, I feel so guilty that I am recovering from a fusion and I homeschool my children. We have not been working as hard in school because I can't physically do it. However, my children will be working thru the summer when everyone else is playing in the heat of the summer.

I highly recommend that you take your meds when you need them. By not taking your meds it can affect others and you don't even realize it. One day, my hubby brought it to my attention when he looked at me and said, please go take your meds. You are miserable, your have an attitude, you are grouchy and taking it out on us. The first time he said that to me, I almost threw my dr. pepper at him. How rude?? Me a grouch? Really the nerve of him.........but them time and common sense sunk in.........that he was right I was miserable and making every one else miserable in the process all over not taking some much needed medicine.

Fortunately, my hubby or family have never doubted my pain but then again I did not tell them I was in pain......they could see it thru my gait, dark circle under eyes, and facial experssion.

Take care and I am pulling for you.

Last edited by ms_west; 03-01-2007 at 04:02 AM.

 
Old 03-01-2007, 04:20 AM   #8
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Hi Scooter,

I know these feelings well...and venting (here or elsewhere) is a good way to deal with it. Else everything just gets bottled up and you end up letting it all flood out to the wrong people or at the wrong time. Thankfully, a lot of the time I'm not in a great deal of pain, but when I get the severe pains from stenosis (walking, standing, sitting upright) it matters not a jot if I've taken painkillers or not. The pain doesn't stop until I do.

Because of the nature of this pain, when I was off work I felt enormously guilty. People would come round to the house, i'd be sitting on the sofa almost pain-free, and, paranoid maybe, but I'd be thinking that they're looking at me going "she could be at work, what's the problem?". So, after my first injection had got rid of some of the milder sciatic pain I decided, armed with cushions, hot water bottle and painkillers, to go back into work. First two days were very tough, next three not so bad...I felt positive and glad with my decision..but then on the saturday it all came back with a vengeance. Instead of managing 10-15mins or so of walking, I could manage barely 3 or 4 mins. Sitting was almost as bad. needless to say I learnt my lesson. Thankfully, like yours, my bosses are superb, and have said I can work from home as and when I want to (but like you, I'm sure there's a limit to this,and theres aspects of my job I can't do from home). So, I'm listening to my body and taking it easy...2 to 3 days at work to keep me sane, then 2-3 days at home to let it rest up. Next injection is in 2weeks.

I guess, all I can say is that the pain is real...yes, it comes and goes, you have good and bad days, and that everyone's pain is different, but its still real and there for a reason (to keep us all in check I'm sure). I get so frustrated that I can't do much, anything that involves being upright essentially, but then on the other hand am thankful that, if I listen to my back, I am at least not living with chronic constant pain like so many (including you) out there. I have the deepest respect for all you guys and what you have to go live with in comparison to me and that really keeps me going.

Best of luck with the next injection and remember...after 25 yrs you deserve a break...and you've got great employers who are giving it to you...

Alice

 
Old 03-01-2007, 05:19 AM   #9
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Ya know when people have a broken leg, everyone can see that, and understands. But with back pain its different. They look at you like there's nothing wrong. And I've broken my leg in three places once let me tell you that was a peice of cake, once casted it never hurt again knock on wood and its been 17 years.

A few months back when my leg did its thing where it just quit working, two of my best friends were there and were like what is wrong with your leg. I just felt so frustrated like does anyone ever here me talk? i would have thought it needed no explanation. I think its hard on our love ones to, cause they don't understand, and they are helpless. They hope we'll just be better like a broken bone etc. - They also have people tellng them the same crap people tell us, go to this chiropractor etc.

I have felt guilty for not working, although I know I do bring in alot to our family in different ways. I think what got me the most about not working is the isolation. The hubby goes to work, the kids go to school and I live far from civilization. And I use to go, go, go and now its sit sit sit

Finding this place has been my lifeline. See look I'm venting..that's what we can do here but EVERYONE UNDERSTANDS.

 
Old 03-01-2007, 05:22 AM   #10
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

That just reminded me of the Cat in the Hat.

The sun did not shine, it was to wet to play, so we sat in the house all that,cold, cold wet day. So all we could do was sit, sit, sit sit, and we did not like it, not one little bit.

 
Old 03-01-2007, 10:02 AM   #11
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Arthr Itis HB User
Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

My wife used to put me through all kinds of crap because she didn't understand the pain that I have. One of the places her cancer spread to was in her thorax, the main place of my pain. Before she passed away she said she was sorry that she had no idea what my back pain felt like until she felt it herself. I get real sick of people making the comments like, "look at him lifting that, he can't be hurting that bad". Or "gee if he can wash his car why can't he work"? They don't even try to understand the difference between washing my car on a good day is not like going to work everyday. Plus the fact that I pay for everything I do. I even have people trying to tell me I need to get married again. Like who would want a 55 year old widower who's totally disabled with chronic back pain? Thanks for the vent.

 
Old 03-01-2007, 11:14 AM   #12
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

Hi Sherry1,

I was wondering if you would be so kind to share with us what kind of work you do at home? I just had my second fusion and need to make a change to something that I can do, yet get plenty of rest time and not have to stand or sit for long peroids of time. Thanks.

Cliff

 
Old 03-01-2007, 06:06 PM   #13
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Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

I also can relate and stoped taking my meds to see if I really was in pain. I get very iritable too when I don't have my meds.

I also have been very lucky that my family never doubted my pain but people at work the pharmacy and even the Drs office did or at least I felt that they did.

I now recovering from surgery just want to help as many people as I can. Only you know how you feel and how bad you pain is. The bad part is pain does affect your quality of life.

Take it from me the sooner you get things fixed the better off you are. My Dr wanted to do surgery in Oct and I kept putting it off. Everyone on here tried telling me not to suffer and have the surgery. Right now (3 days post op) I think it was the best decision I made. The recovery is hard and I am very limited but I already feel so much better.

Good luck I will keep you in my prayers.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 06:37 AM   #14
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BlueAtlas HB UserBlueAtlas HB UserBlueAtlas HB UserBlueAtlas HB UserBlueAtlas HB UserBlueAtlas HB UserBlueAtlas HB User
Re: Pain, Guilt and need to Vent

[QUOTE=Arthr Itis;2829681]I even have people trying to tell me I need to get married again. Like who would want a 55 year old widower who's totally disabled with chronic back pain? Thanks for the vent.[/QUOTE]

You never know! If that's something you want, don't ever lose hope! I have friends who married in their 20's when he was already in a wheelchair from Multiple Sclerosis. They're now in their late 40's. I have another set of friends who married in their 50's, second marriage for both, and he has had multiple surguries for different problems, has home dialysis daily, and is permanently disabled. In both cases, the women weren't desparate and had other choices. They simply loved the PERSON they married, regardless of their disabilities. And both couples are very happy and committed. Don't sell yourself short because of your limitations. There's much more to you than your physical problems. I wish you happiness!

Blessings,
Emily

Last edited by BlueAtlas; 03-02-2007 at 06:38 AM.

 
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