It seems to me that my friends, especially my fiance think that i am faking my back pain. I do not think they can comprehend how bad I feel on a daily basis. I try to put on a fake smile and act happy when in reality I am not. I am in too much pain. I hate when people ask me how I am feeling today and when I tell them they have nothing to say but oh. My fiance is the worst in this bunch because he is suppose to be my support, the person I lean on but now I feel my self hiding how I really feel to him. He made a comment today that if I am so much in pain then how can I do certain things and my response was even though I am in pain somethings still have to be taken care of, if not the house will fall apart. I just wish others would understand and that I would not have to feel like I am under a microscope. No faking here, Id give anything to be pain free and be on the go like before. Well, thanks for listening.
Rachel
It can be so frustrating an i think abit disappointing when the people nearest to you think you are faking pain!!
Why would we want to???
I think because its not something other people can see and you are still trying to keep the house running an trying to lead a normal life as possible it is very hard for them to understand exactly what we go through.
Unless they have been through chronic pain themselves they just havent a clue.
At least your 'back buddies' are always here to lend support
I think you are dealing with a classic case of the people who are surrounding you can't even begin to comprehend your daily pain because they probably have never experienced anything like it. Unfortunately when one has back pain, it takes a long time to diagnose it, and fix it.
I have had the same problem. I even started out being an advocate for those who have to take opioids but that was an even bigger mistake. I have just learned to do things my way like carry lite loads and just get on with it, not saying much, even at church.
My sister was the worst. She said "what if you get addicted" I don't think she every has come to accept pain as an unseen condition. There truely are worse things than dependency on drugs and when the time is right I already have my game plan outlined to get off 'em.
I agree in that I think if people can't see your pain then they think it's not there. I'm lucky in that both my mom and my boyfriend are very supportive of me and at least try to understand and never judge me. On the other hand my dad asked me tonight when did I think I could quit taking the pain meds. I don't know when. Believe me if I didn't have to take them, damn it I wouldn't. My dad thinks you should push through all pain no matter what. A lot people just don't understand and in my opinion if they don't they should keep their mouths shut about it.
Hi Rachel,
I understand what your saying completly!! People think your faking. I can tell in a heart beat, if someone has back pain. They walk like they got a stick up their butt. Unlike you,and I say that's real very sadly, my close family,and friends do believe me, and are very supportive.
I get the your faking thing from work. They think I'm faking it, and just using it as an excuse to get out of certain job duties, and want sympathy. And just like you. I put on a brave face, because it's not going to help to dwell on it.
Well I've now have had my bilevel spinal fusion, so they now know I wasn't faking. Some of my fellow employee, were even wondering where I been. They really pay attention don't they !!!
And like the previous poster said "You have the support of your fellow posters, who have back problems!!"
Take care, and if you need someone to listen to you just let me know.
Bobbi-Jo
HI Everyone,
I take my hubby with me in the exam room so he can see the xrays, it's sure way to get them to understand when they see the problems and see you relate to your doc the problems. Funny how they believe you if they see it and see the doc believes you too. If anyone else doesn't believe me oh well guess thats thier problem. I had a doc tell me it was all in my head, well we didnt' waste any time getting rid of him. Although if you think about it the pain signals go to yorubrain before you actually feel it so I guess hw was right in that sense, hehe.
Don't let it get to you, I know it's so hard to not have your loved ones believe you or think that your addicted, as far as the addicted your not addicted your dependant, you depend on meds to get thru life and somewhat function. They woudln't be telling you to get rid of a wheelchair if you depended on that, or if it were blood pressure pills or insulin, perhaps if you explained it to them on that tone they might grasp it a lil better.
Hang in there, it's hard but you do have us here, like sherry said, we will listen and believe since we know how you feel.
God Bless
Carol
__________________
"Thru every dark corner is a door to a new light"
(Dana Reeve)
I must confess. I used to discount people who said they had back pain when I would see them carrying comuter monitors, shoveling snow, raking leaves etc. I thought I new what pain was when my femur head died in my hip. Believe me when I tell you now that I had no idea what back pain was like or how bad it can be until now. I will never ever discount someone who tells me that they have back pain again. I guess unless you have had back trouble, you just don't know. I've had back strains before, you know muscle type sprains, if that is all you have ever had then how could you know because as I now know, there is a whole world of difference. Anyone that questions me now I tell them I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy. That usually ends the conversation. ( I don't tell them that I have no enemys, but maybe it keeps them guessing, lol) I have a whole new understanding now and you know that everyone else on here does too. So when you need support you know that you can always come here. Usta
I've started just saying "I have good days and bad days" ... which is true in my case, as I don't always have pain. I actually think people are MORE sympathetic when I say it. Not sure why, but I think its a reverse-psychology type of thing, or maybe that they are expecting the "pain" answer and have already passed that point of the conversation in their minds.
Nobody thinks I am faking b/c I am nothing like I used to be...that is, activity wise. I used to be the Energizer Bunny, and the "wild card" for events such as games, or a weekend at the beach. Now I always hear "be careful" at any event that I just simply attend. It's a complete turn around, and people know it. It's kind of a taboo subject around me.
Mums the word on my change in habits, activities, and overall appearance. Wait...actually, I recently found out that 1 guy (Drama Queen that i barely know) said this in a very sassy tone; "Wah Wah Wah...I fell and hurt myself. Someone needs to tell her to just get over it!". WOW...my friend ripped him a new a..h...Actually I can't wait until I ever hear him complaining about stereotypes or prejudices...I'm going to tell HIM that he needs to just get over it!!!! LOL I don't think it will be my most politically correct moment. But really...How dare he? LOL.
Tisk tisk Tisk to those who would say such a thing to ANY of us here who have to live with this.
The only people who understand back pain are the people that have it or have ever had it in there lifetime. Maybe someone who has gone through a tramatic surgery or something that involved lenthy pain, a friend of mine said after her c-section she couldn't believe the pain, she said "if your backpain is anything like that ,I feel for you". It just seems to me you never have to explain "pain" to someone who has ever had back trouble.
I also take someone into the docs office just as another set of ears, then when I get bombarded with "What did the doctor say??" I have some help explaining...
I have given up trying to explain what kind of pain I am feeling when some one asks how I am feeling. I find it much easier to just smile and say "Feeling good". This answer usually stops thier inquiry and I need not try to defend myself when they "give advice" on how to deal with it. When I say advice, I mean the type of advice that frustrates most of us like "try a pillow between your legs" or "Icy hot works great" and the all time worst advice "You should go see my chiropractor, he will fix you up". Again its much easier to say "I am fine" and go on.
Hi-
My kids are the ones who think I am faking it just to take pain meds. They live out of state & I see them a couple of times a year, so they have no idea of the pain I am in daily.
I posted this on another forum a while back when I was at the bottom of the pain pit. I was coping with my own guilt about narcotics as well as not having any immediate plan on what to do about it.
I posted this on a forum designed for chronic pain people. The person with the handle/name Dragoodle, was implying narcotics were only needed for short term pain, or terminal cancer pain.
My response
Dragoodle,
I think your heart is in the right place, as is most caring people who have never had dehabilitating chronic pain. Trouble is some just don't have any other choice except narcotics or to eat their gun. There is chronic pain and there is chronic PAIN. You have to be there to know the difference.
If you constantly search the internet for a cure for yourself as your doctors can't find one, you might be there. If the pain level is equal to a 10 year old standing on your big toe and he has been there 24 hours a day for the last 2+ years you might be there. If you think about your pain every minute of every waking hour you might be there.
Example, about a month ago I went into Basken-Robbins to get an ice cream cone. The girl giving me change was in a big rush and pushed my change on the floor in front of me. I was not able to bend over to pick it up and walked away but a little girl saw what happened and came over and picked it up for me. It was about 75 cents. I let her keep it.
It isn't about addiction dragging you down, it is about a med that lets you live a small portion of your previous life that others take for granted. Like getting the fork to your mouth, or putting your shoes on without help or wiping your own butt.
I’m not talking about the soccer moms who need a pick-me-up to cure the headache from the kids, or to get the kids to school but the seriously in pain person who can't live without there meds to control their pain. It is not just about controlling their withdrawal.
After 11 failed procedures both with and without conscious sedation to relieve my pain, or diagnose my pain, each a big disappointment when you want something so badly, I'm getting to know where “there“ is.
“There” being narcotics are die. I’m not suicidal, or at least I don’t think I am right now. I still have my wife and my son who need me. I do admit to being in a deep funk about wondering if this is the way the rest of my life will be. My Family Practice doc wanted me to get a colonoscopy as part of an annual physical. I declined. To coin a movie line from “Gone with the Wind“, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a dam”. If the grim reaper wants to camp on my doorstep he would not necessarily be an invited guest but I wouldn‘t run him off either. If I do happened to be conscious when death comes, it would not be with a mask of horror but with a smile. I would then say what another great man said “Free at last, free at last. Great God almighty, I’m free at last”.
Some of my own family used to think I was faking it. (they never came out & said it directly but thats the feeling i got from them) But my family is the kind where when something is wrong, you just suck it up and go on, don't run to the doctor for every little thing. Well, with my back problems, I waited 3 1/2 yrs with worsening pain until I ended up needing surgery. I was always limping and hunched over and when family friends were around or relatives we'd not seen in a while, some family members would tell me to "stop it' (referring to stop walking funny). Then i've also had my sisters fiance tell me that I just need to "relax" and study feng shui !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unless a person has even experienced chronic pain, they cannot understand. Pure and simple.
My husband had severe arthritis for years and never complained, but just bore it. The only way you'd know was in his walk, maybe his demeanor when he stood up, and of course in his limited activities. I'm ashamed to say I didn't understand because I'd never had chronic pain or even been in the hospital except to give birth.
Then my back issues started. I'm ashamed now that he's gone that I wasn't more compassionate. Three surgeries later, I'm doing well most of the time, but when I overdo (and that's so easy to do when you're feeling well), I pay for it.
My children are very supportive, and in fact, they fuss at me for doing some things. It's so important to have support, and I feel blessed that I do.
wow loved that letter jack. Its just people don't understand and we find this again and again.
I had fusion one week ago yesterday, i have been living with back problems for 17 years....i went through with the surgery as a hope...to get better. I do not want to live like this.
My husband who is an alcholic and was drunk, told my daughter last night that I am a pill popper and a drug addict. He's been to the doctors seen it all. but still sympathy....it ain't him so he doesn't have a clue. I feel like I have been kicked when I am down so to say...when I am at my weakest point. But really, its not about me.
I think it's hardest on those who are younger, you back buddies in your 20's and 30's. I do experience what everyone else is posting, but I think people take pains more seriously when you're a bit older. Gee, should I look forward to getting into my 50's? Maybe they'll "allow" me to be in even more pain than they "let" me now!!!
My goodness, I never ralized how back pain effect people either. It is sad to admit but when my patients use to come in the hospital comlaining of back pain I used to think whats the big deal, just suck it up. Never in a million years I would think I would end up with it my self. I now realize that it effects your whole life, the back is the core so everthing you do and every move you make effects that back. I feel really bad about my thinking, I remember the day I hurt my back at a pt home and before I hurt it I asked the husband for help and he said his back was out and my thought was and! I mean I was like just help me and the other nurse lift your wife, I did not truly understand where he was coming from. One thing I know for sure is that when I gat better and I am back to work my whole attitude will be changed, I know I am a good nurse but I will be a great nurse and more sympathetic to those in chronic pain. You know those of us in the medical field run to stuff that gets the adrenalin going, you know trauma and things of that sort. Well with me that all will cahnge I will definatley be a patient advocate. I want to thank all of you who responded. It was good hearing some of your stories knowing that I am not the only one going through this and Jack what a story. I will take some of the advice that you have given me, one in particular is the one to say I have good days and bad days or say I am ok and continue on. I realize like you all said that the people around us do not understand what we are going through unless they have experinced some type of severe pain themselves. Yvette, I am sorry your husband is like that, it is crazy I mean you had surgery and he is still tripping. I hope and pray my fiance dont be that way with me. He tries to be sympathetic at times I think he is just tired. I will take him to my appointment with me so he will know that this is no faking.
I love you all and I thank each and everyone of you for your support, may you all have a good and pain free day or at least reduced pain.
Rachel
I just experienced a nice little side benefit of my surgery. My husband finally gets it, at least for now. Our 16 year old son woke up during the night vomiting. He didn't even wake me up, sweet thing! He's old enough to get himself to the bathroom in time, so he dealt with it, got back up at 5:00 to call out of work and left a note in my bedroom door that he was sick and I didn't have to drive him to work. But that's not the benefit. I never mind taking care of my sick children.
My husband was walking by the sick one on the sofa. The other son was in the bathroom, so sick one asked dad to get him the bowl we have just for these sick purposes. Dad didn't get it fast enough, and the floor got doused. For the first time in almost 22 years of marriage, hubby cleaned it up! He tried it once before, years ago, but barely started when he just lost it and said he just couldn't handle it. But he did it today without my even reminding him that I couldn't get on the floor to do it. (Of course, he had disposable gloves on and wanted a mask, too, but I didn't have one.) First time for everything!
May we all experience more of these moments!
Emily
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