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Old 06-27-2007, 09:55 PM   #1
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Unhappy Need advice fast!

Hi all,
I have 4 days until surgery and am so stressed over OTHER things. Need some advice from 3rd parties. Supposedly (as I wrote before) this doctor is going to send me home the day after surgery for a 5 level fusion. I KNOW I won't be good for anything and will need lots of help at home. Here is my problem in a nutshell. My mother and step dad live about 35 miles from me and want me to come and stay with them for a week or so. My mom has always come to my house in the past and has cooked, cleaned and assisted me after surgery. She is not in the best of health herself and so wants me to come there so step dad can help. My husband is not very supportive or helpful (he is just plain sick of the whole back issue) and I am not sure I can count on him to be there for me. I do have good friends who will bring meals and help me on their days off when able. My best friend is upset to think I would consider staying with my mom (they have their differences). My mom is upset to think I would not be receiving the care I need at home with hubby who has verbally expressed his indifference to my situation. I know what ever decision I make, someone will be angry or hurt. They have all verbally expressed their opinions without any regard to how they are tearing me up inside. Makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide out. I don't know what to do. Talk about stress before surgery.
To top it off I am having major issues with youngest son who just ripped me off for about $5,000. Again, no support from the husband. I am so angry & upset right now and wonder how all of this will affect my procedure and recovery. Mentally I am a mess and cry at the drop of a hat (am not a crier usually).
If you have any words of wisdom or advice, please, please let me know. Sometimes it's hard to choose a clear path when you're in the middle of the sandstorm. Thanks for listening and I look forward to any help you can offer. Syndee

 
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Old 06-27-2007, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: Need advice fast!

I had to read your post twice. I have never heard of anyone going home the day after having a five level fusion. First of all that many levels are very rarely done for DDD at least not here in Canada. It would be considered very major surgery. The day after surgery would very likely find you with drainage tubes and a morphine drip still running. Discharging you from hospital would be insanity. This just doesn't sound right.

First if you are in such bad shape that you need a a five level fusion who is looking after you now? I would have to be bedridden in order to go ahead with that kind of extensive surgery. I hope that you have had second or even third opinions on this. I question any physician that would consider discharging his patient this soon after such a major procedure.
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Old 06-27-2007, 10:27 PM   #3
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Re: Need advice fast!

Oh Syndee, I am so sorry you are dealing with so much at this time. I pray that you have some peace in your heart to get you through the healing process.

If your mother is aware of your husband's feelings regarding your back problems she may feel that you will have more mental support outside your home.

When I had my 4 level fusion 8 weeks ago, I spent 5 days in the hospital and then 3 weeks at my in-laws' house. They are both retired and my father-in-law had a similar surgery 2 years ago so they were well aware of my needs. The Dr. told me that if I did not have assistance at home she was going to send me to a rehab center. I found by staying at their home, I behaved much better than I do at home.

Your friends would still be able to help out at your mother's home and that would give your mom a break too. No matter what you decide remember you are blessed to have the support of your mother.

 
Old 06-28-2007, 01:16 AM   #4
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Re: Need advice fast!

Whoah!
That's too much to handle!
You have total say in your healthcare and can cancel it at any time.
Are you able to get other opinions from other spine surgeons?

 
Old 06-28-2007, 05:08 AM   #5
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Re: Need advice fast!

First off, hugs to you! I can't imagine the inner turmoil (sp??) you are going thru right now with family bickering back and forth. Personally, I would go where you know you will have support 24/7. This is major, major surgery and you will need help for many weeks to come.

You may need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your hubby about everything and make the decision jointly what is best for your circumstances. I would approach this as calmly as possible.

Not having consistent care is not a good thing. I really needed help for the first 3 weeks but having it for 8 weeks was great for me. It allowed me to concentrate on myself and not worry about running the household.

I also can't imagine the doctor releasing you after 24 hours. At a minimum I was told 3 to 5. I was in the hospital 5 1/2 days after surgery for a one level fusion. I was on a pump for the first 48 hours then they switched me over to oral meds.

When I had my laminectomy, I was out within 24 hours.

Lifting you up in prayer and I pray this mess gets settled today.

 
Old 06-28-2007, 06:03 AM   #6
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Re: Need advice fast!

Thank you all for responses so far. I don't know what to think. The surgeon does his hardware implanting from the side through a smaller incision. I too was in the hospital for 5 days each with both previous fusions (had a 14" long incision both times). I too am shocked that he told me home the next day, but my mom went home the day after and did well???????? I have been off work now for 2 weeks waiting for surgery and don't have any time to mess around getting 2nd & 3rd opinions. This doctor has also told me I should be able to return to work in 6 weeks. My previous fusions had me off work for 6-9 months. I do not have the ability to take off that much time this time. This surgeon was very thorough in his pretesting (MRI, Xrays, CT scan & Discogram). I just want my back to stop hurting all the time. You guys all know how this feels.

Today will be a day of relaxing in my friend's pool, just soaking up the sun and thinking about what I will do. Last night I mentioned to my daughter that her dad has now decided I should come home after surgery so he won't have to drive the 35 miles to see me. He was sitting at the table also. He shot me one of his special dirty looks and said "Go ahead and stay at your mom's then if that's what you want, maybe I'll call you while you're there". Sometimes he's so mean.

I'm leaning today towards staying at mom's. Will discuss with my friends and hopefully they will understand why. If not I guess they'll have to get over it.

Thanks agains for your advice. Syndee

 
Old 06-28-2007, 06:14 AM   #7
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Re: Need advice fast!

okay, you really have to think what is best for yourself, and yes no matter what you will do you will probably ofend someone, but some people have the best will in the world and promise to call and to help, and do, others arent seen for dust !!!!!!!!!!. You need to have someone that is more are less in the house full time until you start feeling better. You have to make the choice what will help you most. Can you have a bed downstairs whereever you stay ??? Is it a walk in shower facility, where would you be more comfortable. I know you mentioned about your husband and maybe the option would be for your mother to help. You have to have to make the decision that will help you most. Is your friend going to be able to offer you the same support if she has family to look after aswell.

I am 4 weeks post 2 level spinal fusion, I need someone in the mornings to help dress after shower, and I am basically on my own then from 8.30 to 5.30 there are times I would love to have company, and there are days where I am happy to be on my own.... The situation will vary from day to day and how you feel. But please dont try and please your friend as this might not be the best option, and remember if she is a true friend she will want what is best for you. You could say that maybe she would help you when you are getting back on your feet more and have more of a quality time together and she could do little walks with you as you might feel a bit nervious venturing out at first.

Take care
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Old 06-28-2007, 10:43 AM   #8
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Re: Need advice fast!

Syndee, i am shocked that they will send you home next day - never heard of this... I was 5 days in a hospital and here they send you right the way to the rehab for 2 weeks regardless if you have somebody to take care of you or not. They teach you there how to walk, move, get up, etc. They start you on PT same day...
What is exactly wrong with your back that you need 5 level fusion? Did you go for second/third opinion to confirm this decision?
First of all, I would think your problem has to stop all the "who has a problem with who, who is not talking to who", at least i think it should! Now is about you and how to help you after you come home, otherwise it puts so much pressure on you and it will prevent you from proper recovery... Mind helps to heal the body...
I am sorry your hobby does not understand what is this all about. I can't imagine to go through this without support of the spouse. So make arrangements which will work the best for you. And stop worrying who will get upset on who; as far as i am concern this is selfish on their part.
Good luck to you, sweetie: good luck on your surgery, on your recover also...

 
Old 06-28-2007, 11:52 AM   #9
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Re: Need advice fast!

Oh Syndee, so much for you to think of before you surgery, you need to do what is best for you, put yourself first before your mom or your husband and who will get hurt, because someone will and that is just too bad, you've got to think of what is best for you after your surgery. I'm surprised just like the others that you would be home the following day following a 5-level surgery, wow!.
do know that I'll be thinking of you, and wishing you a successfull surgery, and a good recuperation.

Remember put yourself first before anyone else, this time is all for you and yourself only.

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Old 06-29-2007, 05:55 PM   #10
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Re: Need advice fast!

Syndee, what can I say? I'm just as stunned as everyone else at your doctor! One thing my mother told me is that you can't please everyone and you can't make everyone happy. Do what you need to do for you first and as it was mentioned before, yes there will be some fall out but that can be dealt with later. Time is getting short it seems that you already know what to do but are afraid to make the choice. He said it was okay and he'll be upset for a bit but he'll get over it and what ever issues your friend has with your Mother.....your Mother is always your Mother first right? Good luck and God Bless. Sorry about your son. Try not to think of those things until your back on your feet. Remember,God never gives us more than we can handle. I know it sounds so easy to say but not too long ago someone said those very words to me! God Bless and Prayers for you and yours.
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Old 06-30-2007, 11:22 AM   #11
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Re: Need advice fast!

Hi Syndee, I have not had surgery yet, but I also agree with the others about going home the next day for a 5 level. I also feel like you have to do what is best for you and make your decision from there. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all the family issues right now. This is about you and trying to get you better. I am sending you a big hug((((((((((((((())))))))))))))and you are in my prayers, please keep us informed about everything.
Rachel

 
Old 07-01-2007, 08:45 AM   #12
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Re: Need advice fast!

Syndee, let us know how are you doing? Are you at home already? How are the things?
Best of luck on your recovery!

 
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