Sex after ALIF fusion
Ive poked around and find older tid bits here and there on the topic of sexual relations after back surgery, specifically, fusion, but can't really find anything fresh so I'm going to jump in with both feet as I have issues on personally and with husband, so I welcome comments from both sexes.
First off, I wanted to laugh when the PA read off the standard does and dont's for post surgery ALIF fusion when he said ( and I read) that sex can be resumed after 2-3 weeks..HA!!! In what life. I just had 2-level ALIF and was in excruciating pain at 3 weeks. So from a "real time" perspective from my fellow fusion colleagues on this forum, WHEN CAN YOU SAFELY HAVE SEX? I already know i have disrupted nerve sensation in the genetalia, i hope, like the nerves in the legs, it's sensation will settle as nerves heal. Im looking for a ballpark time line when something beyond spooning is PHYSICALLY safe.
I had surgery June 12, and right now sex is farthest thing from mind as I've had some set backs and other "issues". I know that until I get PT and some strength and energy built back up, the thought of muscles tensing during orgasm does not even sound appealing.
This nrings me up to the other side of this double edged sword (guys help me out), leading up to this surgery, back in December when I started noticing a rapid and marked increase in pain, I told my husband that my libido was off because I was starting to hit the meds hard and my right leg and groin was hurting and my "sensation" just wasn't there...I couldnt climax, be it from pain or nerve damage. I tried to do my wifely duty and go thru the motions with him a few more times until one night in mid January I had to physically push him off, almost in tears, telling him to stop because I hurt. Since that night he won't even spoon with me or hold my hand in bed or offer a little caressing... Afraid he's going to hurt me. Comes April not only am I hurting so much physically, but now I'm hurting emotionally.
GUYS, were do we loose you in this "sex game"? How do you take " honey, I can't do this any more because my back hurts so much", to treating your wife/partner like she doesn't exist?! I try find his hand in bed to hold and get a little "emotional" support touch and instead I get a back staring at me. Where is it in a GUYS mind that when a woman says she physically can't go thru the motions of full on sex that HE interrupts this as full shut down...the ice queen has landed... If you don't won't all of me you can't have ANY of me? The night before surgery I was trying to talk to him again and tell him that a little physical emotional support by way of HUMAN CONTACT, ie, spooning/hand holding/hugging would have been nice the past few weeks, but again, he quips, "every time I touch you I hurt you" which I reply, "you haven't touched me in 6 months...touching doesn't mean having sex... You barely even hug and kiss me good bye in the morning". By time surgery came our relationship was so strained Thst I didn't want to wake up after surgery. My last words to him were, "this surgery doesn't fix us" it's goal is to try to halfway fix me.
Since surgery, he has been sleeping in the guest bed...something we did decide would be for the best for me since he flops around like a fish out of water and I didn't need to be jostled that much. After about week 5 I felt I turned that first hard corner, and since he had been home for a month on leave, he has been very attentive to both me and his daughter that he barely sees because of OT, I told him 2 weeks ago that he can come back same bed. Each night he is home, he seems very reluctant to wanting to sleep in bed. I'm getting the feeling that unless I can commit to sex that he feels no need to be in our bed, which, LADIES, you know how much emotional comfort we can get by just having our man in bed with us.
I think I made this way more complicated than it need be, but again, I know I cant possibly be the only one that has had and is having relationship issues at multiple levels and has questions about resuming sexual relations, then again, maybe nobody really wants to talk about sex. Back surgery dooms us to selibacy.
Last edited by nevadadesertrat; 08-23-2012 at 03:49 AM.