official diagnosis after 20 years.... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

2SarniesShort · 11-06-2003, 09:31 AM

well well well,
I saw the shrink today.
I am no longer unipolar, I am now officially biipolar (rapid cycling).(3-6month cycles)
I have been put on 750 mg depakote (250 mg am 500pm).
tell me everything you know about depakote and rapid cycling bp.

i was a bit shaky after seeing the shrink, but also relieved. hope the drugs work.

Marioochi · 11-06-2003, 11:48 AM

Hi there,
Welcome to the club. I think getting the right diagnosis really helps explain a lot though. Up until I was 27, I was just told I was severly clinically depressed, with OCD, PTSD, and anxiety disorder. In my last hospitalization I happened to cycle (it was a 6 week out patient program) and they finally caught the fact I was manic. If I had known in my early 20's perhaps I wouldn't have acted out so much, but who knows. I was sexually inappropriate, spent money I didn't have ( but it was okay in my mind because it would all work out somehow...like how, I didn't know) Was the life of the party and then I would isolate and not come out of my cave. I blew through 2 marriages and numerous relationships. The nice guys were too good for me or so I thought and I only wanted the jerks. Luckily with the right counseling I am now married for 9 years to a wonderful man, I have 3 children, but I still suffer with Manic depression. When I am manic I still spend, and I think about having affairs (don't though) and I am more aggresive, get easily aggitated, and tend to yell more. I feel for my kids although they know I am bi polar. I end up apologiazing and trying to explain. I just hope I don't mess them up, because they are the best thing I have ever accomplished in my life. I stay on top of my meds, make changes when neccessary and plug along. Luckily the Lithium keeps me more level the Paxil lifts me up and the Clonopin lessens the anxiety. Sorry I think I'm rambling

2SarniesShort · 11-06-2003, 01:44 PM

very useful stuff, thanks.
I am not exactly sure if I am truly rapid cycling, my depressions come evry 3-6 months, and i have only had a few hypomanic episodes in 20 years, but I am always irritable so maybe the shrink counts irritability as "mania " in between the depressions. I generally cycle between irritability, and depression/irritability with the odd major depression thrown in for good measure. I am a bit concerned that my major problems are depression and irritability, depakote is listed as an antimanic.....does it help with depression too?? coz if it doesn't then I am going to be very very very disappointed. I am pinning all my hopes on the drugs, probably shouldn't but i really want a....well a cure would be good, but at least a dramatic improvement in my moods.

I worry about my kids too, I yell alot. My girls are too little to understand anything yet. I do apologise though. The older girl (4) knows that mummy sometimes gets sad for no reason.
several times I have shut myself in the kitchen (which has a stairgate they can't open) and screamed and screamed at them to go away and leave me alone. Not good for them. but i just can't take the constant demands when I'm bad.

sexually inappropriate: thats a lovely turn of phrase! i am going to miss that aspect if they get the drugs right. It doesn't happen often but GOD I LOVE THAT ASPECT!! Not good for my marriage though. not good at all. Marriage has to come first.

NB. my friend who is a psychiatric nurse, upon hearing that I had a 'rapid cycling' diagnosis said, "oh super so you get more depressions for your money so to speak...." The saddest thing about it is that I laughed !

HoosierBj · 11-06-2003, 03:26 PM

Congrats my dear friend! Once you finally get a correct diagnosis there is real hope for a decent even-keeled life.

I was 13 when I first started having problems. I was 30 when I was finally correctly diagnosed with Type I Bipolar Disorder...

And here we are. Wouldn't have met you at all without having this disease, huh??
Just a little silver lining, but sometimes I think having a mental illness has made me a helluva lot more interesting than the "normals"...

PS. My IQ may be high, but I refuse to buy into that whole topic! Thanks for joining in on that whole subject.

2SarniesShort · 11-06-2003, 03:58 PM

I am rather worried that being stable will make me less interesting (assuming that i do become stable). But then I suppose you don't forget your past experiences or lose your emotional intelligence.you're stable aren't you hoosier? and you always have insight and understanding.
mind you.... you're always on these boards, maybe you are a little obssessed eh? not too stable!!!

I find that as i get less poor, more affluent I become more right wing (less left wing anyway). My father always said that it would happen, but I never believed it during the poll tax riots !!! (if you know anything about them).
I hope that become stable will not make me emotionally "right wing".
My father also said that you can't be a Christian and a tory. I'll still go along with that so there is hope for me yet !

glad I met you.
PS methinks Ben is in a very bad way at the moment. ( sorry ben if you're reading this...) keep an eye on him, you are nearer his time zone than I am.