What thoughts stop your suicide? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

mikemadman · 11-08-2003, 11:58 PM

What thoughts have stopped your suicides in the past? Is it your fear of life after death? Or the thoughts of your son/daughter, wife/husband, parents and siblings?

For me it was always two things. First was always the thought of my mom trying to cope with loosing another child and how I dont think she would be strong enough to handle it. The second is the fear of death itself. I have no religion in my life and sincerly believe that once you die, your just dead. Thats it, no heaven or hell. Nothing. You just cease to exist. That is a scary thought for me. My brain cannot comprehend what that means.

Tell me a story.

wobbly · 11-09-2003, 06:41 AM

For me, it is the thought of hurting my husband, who I love so much, and hurting my family members. Too many people whose relative committed suicide have said that you never get over it. Plus the fear that I might go to hell for killing myself, even though I'm not sure hell exists. I think it would be better if, when you die, you just cease to exist. No more problems, no more screwed-up temperament, no more misery. But with my luck, I'd kill myself and find out I was wrong and I get to be bipolar for all eternity! Yuck!

HoosierBj · 11-09-2003, 06:46 AM

Two things stopped me.

#1 Was fear of failure. I didn't want to fail and end up worse off than I already was.
#2 Somebody would have to find me. I guess I wasn't so far gone that I could hurt my mom or dad beyond belief by having them find me dead.

Religion aside (I am a non-denominational believer) I don't believe that anything really dies. Call it nature's cycle, the Circle of Life, or the "can you really prove that the best of my Dad isn't living on in my memory" theory. It definitely doesn't totally end. AND every "dead" leaf in my yard that I'm raking will prove that when it plays a part in bringing a daffodil to life some Spring!

*music23* · 11-09-2003, 10:11 AM

When I was 12 I had decided to kill myself one night. But during school that day I happened to have a conversation with this one teacher of mine. We just got into things that were going on with me and the fact that I was constantly depressed for no reason and she just listened for like a half hour. That night as I hung myself from the window blind cord, I suddenly thought, If she was willing to care about me just like that and I barely knew her for four months, then there must be someone else. That thought was so appealing that I struggled with the rope, put my feet back on the floor, and had a good cry for awhile.
I too am afraid that I will go to hell for killing myself if there even is a hell. Also I couldn't do that to my family and friends. I have a list called 200 Reasons to Stay Alive which I made and that helps some sometimes.
Kristina

2SarniesShort · 11-09-2003, 01:09 PM

kristina, you said " I have a list called 200 Reasons to Stay Alive which I made and that helps some sometimes."
that is a fantastic idea. I shall make a list when i really stable and keep it by the bed ready for the next time the "black death" visits

actually the only things that keeps me from doing it is cowardice.
If there was a quick, relatively pain free way to do it I would have done it by now.
good job we don't have easy access to guns in the UK.

friends too, a little bit of kindness and sympathy goes a very long way with me.

Just incase, please DO NOT offer me any suggestions on how to do the job quickly and pain freeish. ( not that I think any one really would.......)