Just needing people who understand - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Curls22 · 11-11-2003, 09:51 PM

Hi, I have been feeling pretty depressed for a very long time now, since around July. Sometime around last spring, my psychiatrist recommended that I begin lithium for my bipolar 2. I refused it, and continued taking Wellbutrin 300mg/day. Anyway, my point is this, I went and saw my psychiatrist again today, and just like every visit I have had with him since August, I told him I felt depressed. He recommended that I go on lithium again. I declined again, but told him I'd think about it. He thinks im manicky. How can I be manic? I don't feel manic. I just feel very afraid of going on lithium for 3 reasons: I hate needles, and all those blood tests...uggh, and geez, the therapeautic levels are so close to being toxic, and plus, the stigma things is really a pretty big thing too. Well, I am trying to be open minded about it. I think this is probably all really confusing, I just get tired of trying to explain myself all the time to my friends who just really cannot understand, and try to make jokes about everything. It's really just not funny, ya know? Also, everytime I see my therapist or my psychiatrist, they always ask if I've had thoughts of hurting myself. Well, yea... THOUGHTS. But you know as soon as you would say Yes to that question, they perk up and think you're ready to off yourself. Anyway, I guess I should stop typing now. I just needed to vent, I guess, to people who maybe can understand what I'm talking about--How this whole bipolar thing is just a big pain in the tush!!

2SarniesShort · 11-12-2003, 02:36 AM

you want people who understand?
you've come to the right place.

Lithium helps with depression too. hoosier is the expert on lithium round here. Speak to your shrink about trying lithium orotate. lots of people here take it, find it works just as well, and because it is more bio-available it can control things at a level well below toxicity.
I haven't been on lithium myself, but have done a little research on it. You can order ir online and its quite cheap.

Have you told your friends that there jokes are upsetting you? they might just be "making light " of things thinking it will be better than keeping quiet about it, pretending there's nothing wrong. either that or they are completely insensitive!!
Try explaining to them about your illness, and that their jokes are hurtful.

funkybreaks · 11-12-2003, 03:28 AM

I am glad you started this thread. I too have been feeling the same way today. My aunts husband came by during my two hours of sleep to see if I was ok (I self mutilated the other morning). I had turned off my phone because that is what I do when I am deeply depressed. Anyway they told my sister about what I did and she came over two hours after my uncle did (waking me again). She was all upset. I tottaly regreted telling anyone but my bf after that. I am on the down side of a rapid cycle and deeply depressed at the moment. My sister doesnt understand that this is a medical condition. I think that she thinks its all in my head. I told her if she wanted to educate herself on it that it would help her understand. she replied "I dont have time to do that".

funkybreaks · 11-12-2003, 03:37 AM

I dont think she understands how little good it does me when she wants me to know she cares yet she doesnt care enough to try and understand what this is and how it affects me. To me that is like telling someone with cancer that you want to help them medically and not going through medical school. How can you possibly be any help? I dont want simpathy any more than I want peole to treat me like a freek (and they sometimes do). So far this board and my mom are the only ones I can talk to and know I will not be chastised for the things I say. I told my sister that when people freek out on me for how this dissorder affects me all it makes me want to do is turn off the phone, move far away and isolate myself. she said "well its only because we care" You know that is nice and everything but all it does is make me feel even more guilty than I already do. The guilt sometimes eats at me so bad, I dont want to be responsible for anyones misery but mine. It is already more than I know what to do with. Anyway, I do understand. J.

HoosierBj · 11-12-2003, 06:59 AM

Some people never do understand do they. I finally got old enough to where I just quit caring about the people who laughed or didn't understand. I have a few very good friends who know about me being BiPolar 1, and I have family (who admittedly are stuck with me!)
The only place I still pay attention to the stigma angle would be a job. I probably would mainstream myself there - which does add to the stress angle...

I've been on Lithium carbonate since 1985!! I only have a lithium level done once a year along with my regular blood work. It's probable that the testing would be more frequent at first until the magic ".5 to 1.5" range is reached.
The ONLY time my level has been out of whack is when I was on a medication for my back. It raised not only my blood pressure but my lithium level to 1.59.
Personally I love lithium. My highs were over in the psychotic range by the time they got my on this. I'd have 1 to 2 major depressions a year, and "only" 1 manic period. But they were getting progressively really really REALLY bad.

I would love to try lithium orotate. Three things stop me.
1) Insurance doesn't pay for them
2) It's more expensive than any copay and maybe even more than lithium itself.
3) I'm just as afraid to go off what I'm on (because it works so well for me) as you are to go on it!

I've never figured out why more doctors don't prescribe lithium first (at least for some forms of Bipolar Disorder) before trying the newer more expensive drugs.

Lots more stuff I could say - just ask the folks here!!! Personally I think that Lithium saved my life and let's me be out there in the world looking alMOST normal!!
I come here when I want the best company in the world.,,