You're not dying, you are depressed. Really really severely depressed.
Whiskey is there someone looking in on you?
Are you at least sipping some soup?
Don't laugh at me, but I've never been a mom and you seem to bring out every maternal instinct that I have!!
I'm proud of you for getting on the computer - there were days at a time that I didn't have the energy to get up, shower or do more than grab a piece of bread to eat before going back to bed.
The only guarantee I know of about being bipolar is that the word cycle means just what they say it means. You WILL feel better than you do now.
Till then you have a real group of people here who care about you...