potchrazebie

How To Be a Therapist: Lesson I: Learn the Jargon
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1)Normal person: "I don't think that's true"
Therapist: "I'm not sure that's true"
2)Normal person: "What do you think about that?"
Therapist: "How do you feel about that?"
3)Normal person: "Succeeding at something will help build your confidence"
Therapist: "You need a corrective emotional experience"
4)Normal person: "Some things bother me"
Therapist:"You have some stressors"

Lesson II: Profound statements made by therapists over the years:
1)"There is no such thing as laziness, only different levels of interest"
2)"Everything is subjective, including my own existence"
3)"You're reality's different that mine"
4)"That table is there because we agree on it"
5)"There is no truth, only opinions"


Lesson III: Practice therapy session dialogue:
Therapist: "What's different today?"
Patient: "YOU are different, that is, different than normal people"
Therapist: "It seems that way too you, because of your ideation"
Patient: "Does that mean it can't also be true?"
Therapist: "Okay..let's talk about the schizophrenia.."
Patient: "Who's schizophrenia? My diagnosis is Bipolar - remember?"
Therapist: "Hmmm..why are you so argumentative today?"
Patient: "I only argue with people who are wrong"
Therapist: "You are fighting the therapy!"
Patient: "No, I am fighting to maintain my sanity, whilst being confronted by an idiot"
Therapist: "Well, time's up..time to end the session"
Patient: "Why was my session only 5 minutes long?"
Therapist: "Because it takes me another 55 minutes to figure out your bill"
Patient: "You are suffering from delusional thinking - do you think I'm actually going to pay for this?!"