Running low on hope - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

wobbly · 02-01-2004, 10:11 AM

I am in a down mood today. I slept 12 hours, which is bad for me, but I just didn't want to get out of bed. I made myself run the vacuum and go to the drugstore, but I don't want to do anything. I'm sick of the tremor from my lithium and sick of not feeling good. I mean, I don't feel as bad as I did a few months ago, but I don't feel good! I don't have a feeling of well-being or a feeling of security that everything's going to be alright. I'm really frustrated and angry that I have to deal with this disease every day. I'm pi$$ed that the person I once was seems to be dead and never coming back. When I went on lithium 2 months ago I felt really hopeful that this was going to be the answer, and in some ways it was, but d@mmit, I just want to feel good! I feel like this disease is cheating me out of myself and my normal way of life! Am I just not giving the lithium enough time, or is this the way the rest of my life is going to be?

Ruth6:11 · 02-01-2004, 01:39 PM

Yeah, but I try not to forget that my "normal" way of life was deep depression, out of control mania, messed up relationships, and never knowing how I was going to feel next week....
Keep saying over and over..." It is wooooorth it.... It is woooooorth it"!!!!

u2fran · 02-02-2004, 02:37 AM

I've been on lithium for 20 yrs, and I still have my ups, and more like downs lately. I slept from 4am til 2pm the other day! I don't like to get up because it seems I have nothing to do but worry about what I should do. There were times in the past when I had a partime job, and I had plans that worked out ect. And the lithium helped me to be stable. I think that we all have ups and downs with the Bipolar, and with my experience with lithium, I felt great after the first few yrs of taking it. My ups and downs weren't so bad. Just lately I'm on an alltime low, but I know the low isn't as bad as a high, so there is some confidence that the low will go away.The rest of your life will have some ,downs, ups, and stability, and wellbeing.. I hope you feel better soon

thickman · 02-02-2004, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wobbly

I feel like this disease is cheating me out of myself and my normal way of life! Am I just not giving the lithium enough time, or is this the way the rest of my life is going to be?

I know that feeling all too well... I am not on any BP meds, but my depression nails be against the wall, or my "disorder" (whatever the heck it is) drives me insane...

I dislike waking up and not feeling "optimal" or even "decent"... Today I woke up and felt like a truck hit me... Not much I can do about it except grin and bear it

Hang in there...

Brighter days will come as well as Darker days... It's how we GET THROUGH is what counts...

1 day @ a time...

wobbly · 02-02-2004, 02:27 PM

Thanks for the support, guys. How is it I can say so much supportive stuff to others, but I can't seem to say it to myself? I guess I just get "tunnel vision" and all I can see is how bad I feel right then.
I still feel pretty bad, but maybe not AS bad as yesterday. This morning I was really wondering if I should call my psych, but I didn't and right now I think I can make it through to my next appointment (next Tuesday). We'll see what tomorrow brings. What I would really like is a short vacation from everything, but that's not gonna happen. Thank god I have support group tonight so I can vent a little bit to others. Anyway, thanks again.