vacantbreath

i have been diagnosed three times in a row with just "depression." i have been on celexa, prozac, something called geodon, paxil, effexor...nothing helped at all. prozac made me more hyper which is ok because i'm usually exhausted, and since i'm eating disordered i was impressed with effexor for suppressing my appetite, but nothing stabilized my mood. i was just in a daze, as usual, and still moody.

three years later at 17...

i'm thinking i might be bipolar. lately my mood swings have been shorter and gotten more drastic. used to i would usually be completely drained and tired, then i'd go into desperate little rages at myself but only when something really triggering happened and set me off. now it doesn't matter what's happening, but about every two or three days my entire outlook and focus and "being" changes. i'm getting sick of it. this is not just teenage moodiness, i mean i go from being fairly outgoing and driven and dressing up and wanting to party and being horny, artsy and creative to the next day, not being able to wake up out of bed and basically wanting to disappear completely because i am such a loser.

calling the doc up tomorrow, to see if i can get a few sessions in before i move away in a few weeks and need a new doc (i plan to have one then). would it be worth mentioning my concern with this rollercoastery thing and does this sound like bpd? i don't feel like i'm trying to convince myself that i might have it because this really is stressing me out feeling like i can go anywhere in life and then having a "realization" every few days or so where i find out i'm really worthless. i've had too many gosh darn realizations to be normal, LOL. does anyone else feel that way??