apinecone

ArkieGurl,
I sent you a note on the Resp...board about sore throats and PANDAS, but didn't expect to see this! My empathies are with you-- I remember when I was your age, I had a mega sore throat outbreak and it really hammered my autoimmune system and I was really a basket case for several weeks and then it took quite awhile for me to get back to what I felt was 'full strength'. As a result, I found out that these autoimmune conditions kind of 'lurk around' your system and if they haven't already caused some kind of damage to you in your adolescence, can affect you in a way that you are always feeling 'down' and also your sensitivity and irritability are always up, and even affects your relationships with friends and family. And then on top of that you say you have been Dx'd w/BP for several years, which by itself is a big load to deal with. And probably you've been taking meds, too, right? And on double top of that, people, esp. 'kids'/teens, as you say, mostly don't want to hang around with people who have, you know: 'problems'. BEEN THERE DONE THAT SUX BIGTIME.

There's a great book/movie called 'Catch 22' in which the main character is always trying to get out of the Army during WWII because it's driving him crazy, but the "catch 22" is that you're "normal" if the horribleness of the War and your miserable lot in it drives you crazy-- you know, who WOULDN'T go crazy! Well, I don't mean to make light of this, it is very serious. What I am trying to point out is that, even though it seems kind of 'crazy', that anyone in your situation would feel lousy!

I also want to say, like Ruth, that things do tend to [start] turn[ing] around when you get into your 20's. Several things are in peoples' favor at that point in their lives: their body matures and gets some age distance from most bothersome childhood 'syndromes'; they (can, legally, at least) get away from those depressing family stresses; they can do some learning'n'earning to be more self-reliant; and they can and do more of what they WANT to do not what is, well, 'dumped' on them, often against their will and outside of their control or effective ability to do much about. And, definitely, you've got a lot of love to give, and there's a lot of good things yet to come that you can't get to unless you try. There's no guarantee here but these do add up in your favor, I think most people will agree.

But I know that it seems right now like being in a big hole and that it's hard and pointless to climb out and besides, you just don't have the energy, even if you had the will and the way.

Try this: focus, focus, focus, on the [3] most important ++POSITIVE++ things that can have the most benefit towards the things that YOU most want. It's corny but I think this song has good words for you right now: "You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with Mister In-Between".

Here's a starter kit (my 25-yr-old son 'approves' [he knows, 2]):

Focus: first, you definitely need get on top of this sore throat/pneumo thing and then make sure that you're getting good nutrition, which has alot to do with keeping yourself above the immunoreaction line, so to speak, as well as helping you feel more positive, just physically more positive.

Focus: then make sure that you're are getting the best medical help (MD, Rx) you can for your BP, because that will help get and keep you above water and out of hot water. If you're doing 'stuff', STOP. As for Rx'd meds, I know that they can be a problem but they can also help alot, esp. w/BP-- Ruth's got experience + wisdom on this one.

Focus: always keep working on your support system, like thru the boards, here. You seem to understand the 2 most important parts of that: Not only do you NOT want to do it alone, you CAN'T do it alone.