lonetexans

OK - I'll make this as short as I can.

I'm 31. Dad's side of the family has a lot of bipolar & ocd. Mother grew up in a perfect home but rebelled and has major problems.

Growing up mom & dad fought all the time. Dad was time bomb. Mom was compulsive gambler, con artist, crook. She always had me hide things from dad and cover up all the crap she was doing. Things she did: took checks out of back of dad's checkbook & forged them, had me hide the mail, wrote hot checks all the time, hocked our cars, played bingo all the time, stole from stores to get money for bingo, had me sit in the car while she went into store to steal stuff so she could go take it back at another store for money for bingo & told me to drive away if she got caught (i was 13, i think), stole things from family members' homes & hocked it (jewelry, silver, etc.), screwed up my checking account i don't know how many times, stole paperwork from a doc's office & filled them out to show family she had brain tumor & needed thousands of dollars for treatment (really needed it for hot checks), tried to get me to tell my uncle i needed $2K for an abortion once because she needed it for hot checks (i didn't but who knows she prob told him that & got the money), and on and on and on.

I was the only one who ever know about all the crap she did. I have an older bro & sister from mom's first marriage & 1 brother from mom & dad that lived w/ us. Older bro is alcoholic, sister is alcoholic & drug addict prob, younger brother nearly died & was in coma from drugs & now on Jesus kick for nearly 3 years now...one extreme to another. I played w/ alcohol & drugs A LITTLE when I was younger, but all I've really done is smoke cigarettes & drink coffee and obsess & worry all the time.

One time she wrote $50K in hot checks, had to tell my dad, made up some story that made it not her fault, she called me & told me he was going to get the gun, i drove over there while my bf (now husband of 6 yrs) called police, got to their house, all was fine, dad had drove away, cops came, all mad at me for calling police & mom denied to police that dad said that or that she said that to me.

Picked up & moved out of state right after that to get away from all the crap. Didn't talk to her for 3 months. Got sucked back in again. Talked me into moving back home to work for her. Offered me big bucks. All was ok for a while, but then paychecks were bouncing all over the place. She was sued by the Attorney General, The Federal Trade Commission & had Postal Service inspecting her. I hung around as long as I could for her, but eventually had to get another job becuase my finances were in such a mess. Of course, I was abandoning her and she escourted me out of the building and took my keys from me.

During this time she was forging my dad's name & stole what was left of his interitance of $150K. She forged his bank statements & he eventually went to the bank & found out what she did. He filed for divorce. Somehow they are still together. That was in 2002. She asked me one day if I would go w/ her to tell my dad why we did this. Told her hell no. I didn't do that - she did. For all I know my dad thinks I stole his money.

After I stopped working for her, she told everybody a lot of lies about me: I stole $12K from her company, I was the reason the company failed, I was a drug addict, I stole her checkbook & wrote checks & that's why she couldn't make payroll, etc, etc, etc.

It wasn't worth trying to tell anyone in my family what was really going on because there is no way they would believe me. Everything she had ever done was so outrageous! And noone ever knew but me.

I did try to talk to my dad once when all this happened. I don't know what she had told him but he told me my behavior was atrocious and I was never welcome in their house again.

My younger brother was sending me mean e-mails, my older brother was threating to come to my house from out of state to get the money I 'stole' back. It was crazy.

My family and I moved a few cities over and I haven't spoken to anyone in my entire family in 2-3 yrs. I have a 10 yr old & a 4 yr old. They wanted to see my mother around x-mas of 2003. They have visited her a few times. My mother keeps trying to see me & talk to me. I want no part of it. I have e-mailed her, but that's it.

Oh - I also was molested by a teacher in the 8th grade. My mother and sister knew about it and did nothing.

So I FINALLY went to a counselor last week and spilled my guts about my mother. After everything she's done I still felt guilty 'telling on her'. My mother is in the medical industry and does medical billing for doctors. The doctor I talked to is a friend of someone my mother does billing for. Oops! Oh well. I realized that by me not taking care of me I was still protecting her.

I also had an allergic reaction to spironolactone last week and am now on steroids, benedryl & tagment. I haven't cried in like 2 years or more & now I'm a basket case. It's probably just a combination of things.

I don't have a major history of depression, but have been on prozac, paxil and some others for short periods of time.

I've been reading these boards and am convinced I have bipolar.

Can someone just respond to all my crap here. I am beside myself - worrying, obsessing, can't sleep, then can't get out of bed, crying, then fine, heart racing, dizzy, just sick over all this.

I'm going to an internal medicine doc today but really need to be seeing the shrink which I have an appt for next week. I just flat feel like crap. I don't know if I'm feeling this way more because of the allergic reaction or because I finally let it all out about my mother.

Help!