Being BP and Self Esteem? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

twisted123 · 06-13-2004, 11:48 PM

I am a concerned mother of a 14 year old daughter who is BP and ADD. We have only known about the BP for less then a year and I am trying to learn all I can about her dx.

I realize that the teen years for girls are VERY Difficult and girls are just mean to each other. My daughter has had a difficult time developing any long lasting close friendships. I think that because she is so impulsive her friends parents don't feel that she is suitable for their daughters. I think this THIS one of the reasons why she feel so inferior to her peers.

My daughter is beautiful and not just because she is my daughter. She doesn't wear makeup and she doesn't need to either. She is tall and blond with blue eyes, a heartshaped face, beautiful skin, and a size 4. She always sells herself short by hanging around with the "hardcore" kids who talk tuff. When it comes to guys she is interested in the "badboy types". She has written many guys names on her body with pen, fingernail polish, and even carved the initials into her arm with a pencil once.

I wish that I could help her see herself the way in which I see her. I would like her to be successful in life and in a healthy relationship when she is older. Is there anything I can do now to help on her this path?

PollyPrissyPants · 06-14-2004, 09:49 AM

hi....i read your post with amazement....she is me 30 years ago....except for the blonde hair and i carved boys initials in my arms and legs w/ a razor blade....i did have one very close girlfriend but she was just as out of control as i was....i, however, wasn't diagnosed bipolar until 7 years ago (at 39) and diagnosed add also 3 years ago...
i wish i had some good advise for you other than just be there for support and let her know she is loved....my life did turn around at 23 when i met and married an extremely stable man....i had grown tired of all the "bad boys"....had about 21 "good" years, had a wonderful daughter myself and thought my life was on track....now i have been a basketcase because my husband filed for divorce and moved out of state...needless to say, this has sent my bipolar into a nosedive, i've even started the cutting again....
i'm thinking maybe your daughter has a better chance of regaining a more "normal" life due to the fact she has been diagnosed and on meds...i'm assuming she's on meds right??just keep an eye on her and make sure she takes her meds and if they seem to be the wrong meds, keep trying to find a good fit for her...took me several tries to find the right meds and then they have stopped working at times...then the med-go-round starts all over again....
i wish you and your daughter the best of luck....i can relate to her struggle as i too lived it almost exactly....
PPP~~~

Ruth6:11 · 06-14-2004, 04:51 PM

Polly knows of what she speaks!!
I've had Bipolar disorder since i was 13 - not diagnosed until I was 30. I had very few friends but only because I was very depressed and missed alot of school with stomach problems (more like it was schoolphobia since I was undiagnosed and couldn't handle the stress of school without the right meds)
KNOWING that something was wrong with me, that I wasn't like the rest of the kids, set me apart in my own mind. Instant low self-esteem since "belonging is the #1 thing in school, right?
If possible see if you can find an interest or a talent that you can encourage. Many bipolars are very creative - artistically, writing, photography etc. See if you can get her into an extra club or class or summer seminar on something she enjoys and can excel at (apart from her friends...)
At the very least find ANYthing to praise her for. Even though they had no clue what was wrong with me my parents never left any doubt in my mind that I was loved, supported, unconditionally safe...
I think that that solid foundation (they got all us kids to church all thru school also) made a BIG difference in how I turned out as an adult.
Stabilized on lithium for 20 years, able to work at a job, married to a wonderful man for 15 years.
I don't think my parents would have believed that my life would have turned out this way if you had asked them while I was catatonic or bouncing off the walls!!!

Come back anytime for support. There are many people who check in here who have children your daughter's age w/Bipolar Disorder...

twisted123 · 06-15-2004, 11:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PollyPrissyPants

hi....i read your post with amazement....she is me 30 years ago....except for the blonde hair and i carved boys initials in my arms and legs w/ a razor blade....i did have one very close girlfriend but she was just as out of control as i was....i, however, wasn't diagnosed bipolar until 7 years ago (at 39) and diagnosed add also 3 years ago...
i wish i had some good advise for you other than just be there for support and let her know she is loved....my life did turn around at 23 when i met and married an extremely stable man....i had grown tired of all the "bad boys"....had about 21 "good" years, had a wonderful daughter myself and thought my life was on track....now i have been a basketcase because my husband filed for divorce and moved out of state...needless to say, this has sent my bipolar into a nosedive, i've even started the cutting again....
i'm thinking maybe your daughter has a better chance of regaining a more "normal" life due to the fact she has been diagnosed and on meds...i'm assuming she's on meds right??just keep an eye on her and make sure she takes her meds and if they seem to be the wrong meds, keep trying to find a good fit for her...took me several tries to find the right meds and then they have stopped working at times...then the med-go-round starts all over again....
i wish you and your daughter the best of luck....i can relate to her struggle as i too lived it almost exactly....
PPP~~~

Thanks for your reply.

I am sorry to hear about your marriage and the distress it is causing you. I think that the cutting is very dangerous and you should talk to someone about it right away.

Yes she is on meds. trilep.. and concerta. They are helping quite a bit and they don't seem to have the side effects that some do. She loves to stay up into the night and sleep a good part of the morning. It is hard during long periods of togetherness (her and I) because she loves to attack me physically. Most of the time she is just teasing but then she gets carried away and doesn't quit, then I get mad.

I do love her unconditionally and we are very close. I have asked her therapist to help her learn what she needs to do to take care of herself. I want her to learn that she also has some responsiability and control in her moods by taking her meds.

Best of Luck to You~

mudhound · 06-19-2004, 07:26 PM

you do need support. Try finding a local support group that meets together. I found **** for me. It is the wife that has BP and I need the person to person stuff too.