Do people with bipolar have trouble keeping friends? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Kari7171 · 10-12-2004, 03:13 PM

I know this girl who has told me that she has bipolar and she has said she doesn't have any friends. She says that getting to know people is not worth it because they end up hurting you some way always. I have tried to be her friend but she keeps pushinig me away. She has pushed away other people too. She won't even respond to my emails anymore so I guess I give up. It was tough on me anyways she seems to have sooo many problems and most of them it seems are self induced. She was also a drug addict for 10 years. She was addicted to Meth. Is it possible that someone who is diagnosed as being bipolar is actually a drug addict and it is the drugs that are making them act irratically.

Yommy · 10-12-2004, 03:28 PM

Hi Kari!

Well, Bipolar can cause stormy relationships. However, it generally depends on how that person handles their illness. Frequently, though, bipolar runs hand in hand with other mental disorders or substance abuse. Many times, it is these other issues that cause the stormy relationships. For example, I am bipolar, but my bp doesn't affect my relationships much. Except when I am depressed, and then I don't really want to be around people. However, I also suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. My Borderline makes me want to be close to people and push them away all at the same time. So, to answer your question, it could potentially be the bipolar, or it could be something else coinciding with it. Generally, if the person is trying to push you away, they really don't want to. At least for me, when I'm pushing, I usually want someone to grab me by the wrist, pull me close, and give me a big hug. Tell me they are willing to love me even when I don't love myself. Hope I could help!

Hundtoft

Kari7171 · 10-12-2004, 03:35 PM

Yeah I have tried and tried to keep writing her when she has pushed me away. The last thing she wrote me was about her stuff that I hade gotten from her last job. I worked there too and I made arrangements to pick up all of her stuff and bring it home and I was going to get it to her somehow. It was a radio and other stuff. Well the last thing I wrote her was when did she want to get together so I could get her stuff to her. Her response to that was that I should just throw it all away because she has too many problems to worry about that stuff right now. Obviously I am not going to throw her stuff away and I thought that was a really odd thing to say. I haven't heard from her since and it's been a couple weeks. I tried twice even after she said that but she won't respond. So I guess I keep her stuff boxed up and wonder what ever happened to her. Does that sound like bipolar?

Yommy · 10-12-2004, 03:48 PM

Well, to me, it either sounds like she's in a deep depression, or perhaps she's possibly borderline. I'm not a health professional, so only take my advice with a pound of salt. Did she lose her job or quit? That may sound odd, but it could play a factor. If she lost it, she may feel incompetent right now or that the world is against her. If she quit the job for no apparent reason, that could be symptomatic of borderline behavior. I recently lost my job (it was my fault, however, the seriousness of it involved more than me, and the circumstances surrounding it were horrific, even traumatic.), and afterward went into a huge bout of depression. It was a job that I was overqualified for and was extremely bored with (thus resulting in the negligence to detail that cost me the job). However, when I expressed to my husband how upset I was, he told me to "get over it," making me feel completely invalidated. He didn't mean to hurt me, he thought he was helping by pointing out how beneath me the job was, but in reality, it made me feel more incompetent for losing a job I was overqualified for. Is there any possibility you could have upset her with something similar? Not to say that you are causing her behavior, it's just that those of us with mental issues are usually quite sensitive and frequently take things out of context. Sometimes, we may even unconsciously twist your words to validate our feelings.

Do you have her address/know where she lives? In your shoes, I would try to take the things by to her, give her one more shot at talking to you about what's really going on. If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything but a few minutes of your time. In which case, I would say you should probably end the friendship just to keep your own sanity. Fortunately, you are in a "chosen relationship" with this person (meaning you aren't a family member, or someone obligated to remain in this person's life.), and have that ability. Maybe just tell her you're sorry if you did anything to offend her and that she knows your number if she ever wants to talk. I'd leave it at that. In the end, it is she, not you, that has to accept her behavior and take the consequences for her actions. Hope I could help.

Hundtoft

Kari7171 · 10-12-2004, 04:08 PM

She quit her job because she did not like some people there and the way things were handled. She also said it was because her son has health problems and she had to take care of him and she was missing a lot of work. She did tell me she missed some of that work because she was crying all day. So I think saying her kid was sick was an excuse she used quite a bit. I would never have said something like that to her though. I think that she just hated that job and that I am a reminder of it possibly. She cut off the other woman that she was friends with for that reason and she told me that is why she cut her off. She has my address but I do not not have hers. I only can contact her through email. I do not have her phone # either. That is why I am frustrated I have her stuff and the only way I can contact her is through the internet and she won't respond. I do know that she is starting a new job so maybe after a few weeks i'll try writing again and maybe she will respond once she is settled into a new job.