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Old 01-05-2005, 12:16 AM   #1
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i am at my wits end

Hi-
Im new to this board. I don't even know where to begin.All i know is that something is really wrong with me. I grew up in a hostile household, w/ alot of anger, so i never really gave much thought to possibly having BP. I just thought I was an "angry" person. But i'm not angry all the time--- as my ex bf puts it, i can turn from nice, sweet loving, to nasty in a second. I literally cannot control it.... if one little random, insignificant thing frustrates me, i just blow up. I have been diagnosed w/ generalized anxiety disorder, so i figured my blowing up was due to stress. But w/ this guy i have been seeing for the past yr, i get mad at him so easily, and he says its to the point where im cruel.... then all of a sudden i love him and want a hug and everything should be alright again. He says im delusional. I was on meds for depression (effexor) but got off them cuz all i did was sleep my life away. I thought i could control the dep. But now from this past irrepairable relationship, i feel like maybe the doc overlooked bp?

I dont think its bp1 b/c i dont think i have extreme manias.... i mean i definetly can feel like complete ***** one min, then the next i feel in an unusually great mood. But these highs and lows arent like weeks apart. Litterally in one day i can bounce back and forth a couple times. And when i do feel good, it never lasts for weeks at a time. Im thinking maybe its hypomania, or clypo. (sp). I dont know, Im not asking for a diagnoses-- just advice. But what im most concerned about is my inability to control my anger. I picked one too many fights with this guy, and as of tonite its over. I told him that I cannot control it, that something is wrong w/ me, he just wont believe me. He basically laughed at me, b/c he doesnt understand how a person can behave the way i do. but i dont think hes ever known anyone bp..

a yr and a half ago when i was on the effexor, the doc gave me the whole check list for bp.... it didnt look like i was, could we have possibly overlooked something? My highs and lows have now ruined 2 relationships? for some reason this does not effect my relationships w/ friends, but it does w/ boyfriends... I'm scared to get back on any sort of meds... for the extreme anxiety and dep we tried effexor, and prozac.... both made me sleep like 14 hrs a night!! I cannot live like that, but i cant live like this either. I feel like i just lost a soulmate!

Sorry for the drama-- i feel like my life is all drama- and my ex pointed out that i bring all the drama on myself... i dont know if im bp or just plain nuts!

 
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Old 01-05-2005, 01:29 AM   #2
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Re: i am at my wits end

Hi there APRIL,

Welcome. Sounds like you need to go back and see your Doc, or perhaps a different one. NO diagnosis here... BUT, you do sound like you fit a lot of the symptoms, that is for a Doc to decide though. Try printing off this thread and taking it with you. It would be a good start to your conversation. Few people accurately talk to their Docs about how they feel.

Hope it helps,

Hedge.

ps, if you ARE Bi-P or just 'nuts' you're STILL welcome here...

Last edited by Hedgehog No 1; 01-05-2005 at 01:30 AM.

 
Old 01-05-2005, 02:09 AM   #3
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Re: i am at my wits end

These boards are so helpful and I found so many people here that offer wonder advice.
Although Im bipolar myself, most of the time a rapid cycler, this disorder is one even doctors have a hard time diagnosing from what I learned over the years.

I found your comment strange that you dont have these mood swings with friends just boyfriends. Maybe you tend to have a deeper emotional relationship with a man which triggers these mood swings? I know I tend to hide my swings if I feel Im going to be judged but around my husband I feel safe to be myself.

Dont know if this will help but my daugher who is also bipolar is in a relationship with
a young man that is aware of her disorder but really doesnt know much about it. She had to change medication and during that time they began fighting alot. He told her he has seen a big difference in her as she is becoming more stable on her new med. I think it helped him to understand she couldnt control her mood swings. My husband and I have been together for 30 yrs and as much as he's been thru with me there are times he still doesnt understand. It's a constant learning process for everyone.

Read thru other postings, gather info and talk with your doctor. I not sure if this is true for most Bipolars but it has been for those Ive known. Most antidepressants will put you on a high right away and eveythng is wonderful but it's only temporary. Maybe others here have had different experiences. If you're just looking to try another antidepressant that doesnt make you so tired, or cause you weight gain. Many people have tried Wellbutrin and there's no sexual side effects either. Hope this is of some help. Hopefully others will reply with helpful advice. Take Care, kiehn

 
Old 01-05-2005, 02:21 AM   #4
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mudhound HB User
Re: i am at my wits end

welcome to this board. Post os often as you like. Like Hedge said, we can not dio anyone with BP. However, it does sound like you have some issues that are related to BP.
With that said, it could be a host of other problems. Some serious and some that could be not so.
Have that long talk with another dr.
Be good to your boyfriend.
__________________
God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 01-05-2005, 07:55 AM   #5
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LiveInOslo HB User
Re: i am at my wits end

Hey April

I share the same problem with you in relationships. As of late, my boyfriend and I are "seperated". Granted he has a lot of serious problems too, (anxiety,dep.,panic attacks) it's extremely hard for us to help eachother out.

I used to get upset over stupid little things too. We would be having a great time, then I'd think about something and turn the other way and literally ignore him anywhere from 10 mintues to an hour! When I used to be that bad, things where unbearable. Since then, I've been treated for massive depression. Those meds never helped, I still had mood swings. I got prescribed Lamictal as a mood stabalizer, which, unfortunately has made me even worse.

I definately think you should speak to your psych. about this. There are professional medical tests you can take, as I did. Also, it helps if you see a counselor or a psychologist. This way, your doctor and your counselor can communicate and 'compare notes' if you will. It's pretty tricky to diagnose. For the past 10 years I was considered Sktiz, massive dep, skitz again, and now bipolar. This is because a lot of the mental illnesses share the same symptoms. Don't be discouraged, I've been on 7 different meds in 3 years. It will take time to find out what is right for you. Also, you may need to shop around for a new psychologist or psychiatrist. I've went through plenty.

Anyhow, I wish you luck, and I hope both you and I, and my boyfriend for that matter, get better!

 
Old 01-05-2005, 11:31 AM   #6
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Re: i am at my wits end

how do u know when u need to see a new pscyh? mine just tries to keep trying until the right med is found, is that an effective way?

 
Old 01-05-2005, 12:08 PM   #7
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Re: i am at my wits end

Congratulations April, you've asked 2 of the most pertinent questions one can have !!!

From my own direct experiences AND the gamut of "group therapies" and forums like this ~ the consensus seems to be along these lines (my words)...

There's a "cocktail" of meds which are prescribable ~ and no two individuals will react exactly the same to any ONE medication, much less multiple meds in combination... By the way - next to NONE of these meds are field tested IN COMBINATION with ANYTHING else !!!

Consequently, it IS trial and error.

No matter how "good" your Pdoc is, the right meds for YOU "right now" might change in two days, two weeks, two months or when YOUR body begins to ellicit its own reactions to the altered chemistry...

So... Finding the right "blend" for an individual is mostly guesswork AND it doesn't necessarilly remain "static"...

As for Pdocs, so long as you have one that LISTENS and makes changes to your meds as you BOTH feel it's beneficial, then I'd say you're with a good one !!!

If accessible - I also highly recommend psychotherapy (talk therapy)...

Welcome aboard, and as far as being at one's wits end ~ my favorite olde expression (which I had emblazoned over my door 20 years ago) is/was...

" OF ALL THE THINGS I'VE LOST IN LIFE, I MISS MY MIND THE MOST "

Have a good 2005 !!!

Last edited by downtrodden; 01-05-2005 at 12:12 PM.

 
Old 01-05-2005, 12:18 PM   #8
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Re: i am at my wits end

Sounds like SO many of my relationships...I agree with all of them. Take a copy of the thread to your Doc. Don't be opposed to seeing other Doctors either. I had been to several before getting the right diagnosis.
Good luck.

Love,
Deanne

 
Old 01-05-2005, 12:22 PM   #9
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Re: i am at my wits end

OOPS (he said living up to the quote in his last reply)... I forgot to mention the relationship thingy (by far Ruth's expertise area, but I'll stick my foot in my mouth anyhow)...

Our spouse / living companion / MOST significant "other" is the person we not only experience much MORE of our time with, but also go through more of the gamut of our living NEEDS ~ repleat with frustrations (that's life)...

Consequently - it's much easier to role-play with the rest of our friends and non-living-together family... We know when work ends, and can wait until later to blow off steam...

Those whom we are around when we get taken "off guard" by life's little perturbances are more apt to see our range of emotional strife...

Gee, with that and $ 2.00, you might be able to get 12 ounces of low-test at Star Buck's (however that place spells its name) !!!

Last edited by downtrodden; 01-05-2005 at 01:52 PM.

 
Old 01-05-2005, 03:49 PM   #10
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Re: i am at my wits end

Ok.... thanks for all the different comments....as of right now I'm *very* alone. Im actually going to see a new psych tomorrow. I called over to the office i was going to over a yr ago, and my doc is no longer w/ them. So as of right now iv got a new one. Anyways my main and number one concern right now is the person i love the most in this world who i have hurt. He will not forgive me again. he won't even see me. I told him i believe that if i get on meds i will not "take" my anger out on him. He does not believe me.... what should i do? i asked him to go w/ me, he won't.... i feel like i will be in much more control..... but he wont even give me a chance to see how i am w/ meds!

 
Old 01-05-2005, 04:21 PM   #11
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Re: i am at my wits end

One of life's hardest lessons is that we CANNOT control "others"...

If we try to get them to understand and go along with us, then at some point continued insistence breeds resistance...

As hard as it is to be patient ~ sometimes we have to let others come around in their own good time...

In the meantime, by mellowing-out and exemplifying the behaviour you're trying/hoping to show him in the future ~ he'll have a better opportunity to come to YOU !!!

If I start to morph into Dr. Phil somebody PLEASE introduce me to that stuff that re-grows hair !!!

Last edited by downtrodden; 01-05-2005 at 04:23 PM.

 
Old 01-05-2005, 05:37 PM   #12
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Re: i am at my wits end

I guess im just having an extremely hard time understanding him giving me the boot from his life. I am basically like "i really need you right now, i need someone to lean on." Nothing will bring him back, I'm not trying to control him, but i'd like to see him come around. I am astonished... i could never ignore someone's pleas like that....

 
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