Is this Bipolar? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Misindale · 01-16-2005, 07:13 AM

Hello, I'm having a terrible time with my husband. We've only been married for a few months and things are getting really bad. I knew he was troubled before I married him but I ignored the big red flag that was waving at me. He won't go to a doctor so I can't get him diagnosed but from all the reading I've done it seems he is exhibiting signs of bipolar. He goes from real depressed to angry. All the time. Never happy. Either he's sad and quiet or he's raging about something. Stupid stuff. Yesterday my daugher heard him call me a jerk off. All because he coudn't find a certain hat that he was looking for. He was outside doing an oil change and all I heard was him yelling and the F word was flying. We have a little girl across the street and I'm quite embarrassed by his outburst. I only hope the family didn't hear him. He doesn't seem to get manic or really high. He's responsible with money and has never been promiscuous. I do believe when I'm not on the back of his motorcylce he rides at excessive speeds and I think deep down he wants to die. He has stated that to me a few times. I just don't know what to do if I can't get him to a doctor. He doesn't even like taking an Advil so he'll never take meds. The other thing that worries me is that he almost seems delusional at times with the stories he tells. He talks about building many cabins in the west (Cali), living off the land and panning for gold, going from cabin to cabin. Then he talks about the solitude that he loves so much but likes to have the occasional woman hiker come by to visit while he cooks her fresh trout and they drink hot chocolate. No mention of sex. I found this all written on a piece of paper. This is just weird to me. I want to tell him, Wake up, we live in New Jersey in the year 2005. In his mind he's some kind of mountain man living off the land.

I myself suffer from mild depression and anxiety. I used to suffer pretty bad panic attacks. My anxiety is real high right now and he has me nervous all the time. So far no panic attacks but I feel my own self mentally falling apart. I'm trying to keep things "Normal" in the house because of my 16 year old daughter but after the name calling yesterday she knows things are not good. Advise please, I am so desperate. I am seriously considering annulling this marriage but I am worried what it would do to him and I am honestly worried about myself since I have co-dependency issues. I do genuinely love this man. I should also add that since his bout with cancer (he's cured) things have gotten worse. Please email... Thanks

Dale

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Instanding · 01-16-2005, 08:56 AM

Lots of issues there. The bout with cancer probably not only effected him emotionally, but any chemical therapies might have played with his emotional wiring as well. Your decision is yours to make. You've already acknowledged your co-dependent leanings.

Without creating a threat environment, I would consider approaching him for relationship counselling, if possible. Try to present it without casting any blame in his direction. Something on the order of, "I am uncomfortable with some aspects of how our family is getting along, and would like to consult a family counselor." In a sense, you own up to having the discomfort, and allow him to choose to attend or not attend. The therapist ought to help you and/or him to sort out your feelings and how you might best proceed.

Just a few suggestions. The Bi-Polar aspect is a horse of another color.

kiehn · 01-16-2005, 11:01 AM

Hi Dale
One thing I love about these broads is a person can get a wide variety of opinions, advice or personal experience. Im not a doctor but it sounds to me that your husband could very well be experiencing depression and hypomania in the form rage and high
irritability. Either he's just expressing a fantasy for this cabin life in CA or he may
be delusional. When I first started having bipolar symptoms I would get delusional
thoughts that at times were so strong I acted on them. Now I would intrepret them
as instrusive thoughts that get worse the more unstable Im. Another factor that
doesnt help here is a major symptom of Bipolar is denial and refusal to get help.
I realize his thinking probably isnt to rational right now but sounds like you need to take some action. Try talking to him and letting him know your marriage is very unstable unless he gets help. If that doesnt work and you feel he's a threat to himself or others you can call the police and have him hospitalized. It's hard to
do but most people after they have been hospitalized and were stable on meds understood the why and how much they needed help.

The bottom line is you cant continue like this not only for your sake but for your
daugthers as well. Give all you options some thought but dont delay as this illness
doesnt go away by itself. Take Care, K

Misindale · 01-16-2005, 11:27 AM

Thanks to both of you for the replys. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this. He's very difficult to talk to. I thought about putting it all down on paper. I was going to talk to him this morning but he was being cold and I asked him why he wasn't talking to me and he says that I'm being cold to him. Well, yea, what does he expect after calling me a Jer* Of* the day before. I am a little hurt. He just left to go hunting with the dog so I can get a few hours of peace. Things have never gotten so bad where I would want to call the police, thank god. He can't get in any trouble with the law because he has a state job. He's a very large man and incredibly strong so I wouldn't want to see any kind of conflict with the police. He basically keeps to himself. He doesn't have any friends except for a few "aquaintances" at work. He barely interacts with his family. Not sure if I'm making to much out of his story that I read. All his books are about Wilderness survival, knives, and living off the land. Maybe it's something he always dreamed of doing.
Thanks again...
Dale

kiehn · 01-16-2005, 11:47 AM

Dale
My husband has lived with my BP disorder for over 12 yrs and still he forgets
when I get unstable and say things that it's the BP talking not me.

P.S. I know involving the police would be very hard but if things get worse
just remember you would be helping him for his own good.
Take Care, K