help me here please!!bp - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

dragonprincess · 01-23-2005, 06:08 PM

Hi, i'm dragonprincess i'm new to the baord but not bp .I'm 28 a mother of 2 and one on the way i'm 5 months pregnet .Please forgive my spelling not good. well i'm bp mood disorder and manic mania deprsion and have a seizer dis order .I have been reading the post about the online exsperament .reading about HegHog and ruth and princncess pea and ever body else there .i'v also read help my girl friend has bp good luck cujo .well my problem is i have all this going on and i'm trying to deal but i'm pg and on no meds for bp because it enter fear with seizer meds and the seizures are more dangous than the bp for the baby . so i'm going through soo much right now with the ups and downs the depression is so bad alot of times i don't even want to get out of bed but i have to force my self for my kids i leave alone .some days i don't even want to be here i've had 9 suicid attemps.I HAVE TO LIVE FOR MY SONS THOUGH .sorry. i'm not good at this writting thing .i had a hus been of 15 years which was good and bad 4 the first 10 years he had a alcohal problem and drugs , but we finelly got him help and at that tim i did'nt know i was BP . but i got tough and made it through.not together any more but we still talk sometimes ,I ALSO think he's bp but who know i'm not a doctor . I currently have a boyfriend of almost 2 years that is having a hard time with me because of bp i'm pregnate with his baby . i don't know why but ever 3 months or so I swich up on him and miss my ex-husben well almost ex .just broke up with boy friend but we still talk i still care and love him but i'm also talking to my ex trying to make up my mind but don't know how to. they both love me but different kinds i can't tell if it's my bp or me can't tell? well my boyfriend read cujos story know he thinks everything that comes out of my mouth is bp great .Even WHEN IS NOT . that's not helping .need help.plz. by the way were did ruth go?

princesspea · 01-23-2005, 07:42 PM

Hi Princess,

You did just fine with expressing yourself. I will never fault anyone for not being able to spell...I can't spell to save my life.

To answer your last question first...Ruth didn't go any where it was all just a big mix up. It's over with.

Honey, it must be hard for you going through bp and having your hormones raging. I just can't imagine it. I understand though...the baby comes first. I hope you'll be going back on meds as soon as the baby is born.

I'm sorry about your bf thinking everything that comes out of your mouth is bp. That can get very frustrating.

Your switching back and forth between wanting your bf and your husband could very well be a symtom of your bp. Not really a symtom in itself but, caused by the confussion bp can cause. This is probably not your best time to make any life changing decisions. You really need to wait until you're stable.

I understand about horrible depression and suiside attempts. Please take care of you. That's a scarey place to be. I was told in treatment that you should do the opposite of what your depression is telling you. If you don't want to move get up and take a walk. If you don't want to eat go make yourself something to eat. If you want to lay down or stay in bed get some exercise even if it's just a walk. If you don't want to talk to anybody call somebody. Put on some music and sing at the top of your lungs. These things have never cured my depression but they can lift me out of the depths of depession so I can avoid getting suisidal.

I'm not sure if all this has helped. Just know we're here for you and together we can get you through this.

Love,

Jamie

dragonprincess · 01-23-2005, 08:29 PM

Thank you so much for the reply princess pea .I hate to say this but it's getting worse with the anger and rage seizuers gran mal about 1 a week depending on stress levels. i'm trying soo hard but my boy friend is making it hard .He thinks i'm trying to kill him mentaly .I try to stay away so that i don't hurt anyone ..between him and my ex I feel i'm going cazy . my boy friends e -mail reads dying .Meaning i'm doing it like i enjoy this .so when we talk on the phone it usally truns into screaming and me in a pure hate fit .when I talk to my ex all i do is cry and read stuff that is'nt there. He tells me that he is afraid of me hurting him but still loves me and will come back and that I should realy think .OHHH i can't think ! my boy friend wants answers now I can't . I feel that my be their better off with out me .may be i deserve to be alone don't now anything right now exept i love my boys and they love me regardless. plus My boy friend is 25 and needs to grow some more and get a job we do have a baby coming everything is on my head .but he thinks we can live on love alone .may be i'm wrong about everything i'll i do is hurt the people i love or should i say the man in my life. i've been through alot in my life a lot of damage and hurt and pain but than agin who hasn't . yes I will be back on meds after the baby comes .hope I MAKE IT . Sorry guys u didn't need to hear all this .

princesspea · 01-23-2005, 09:03 PM

Princess,

Honey we're here for you. You can come and dump here anytime.

I'm sure you're not hurting people as much as you think you are. Your x and your bf are big boys and they both know what you're going through. Your bf needs to figure out that this is not about him right now. It's about you surviving and having a beautiful baby. By the way is it a boy or a girl? Do you know?

The tought that your bf needs to grow up a little and get a job...with a baby on the way...is not unreasonible. I think that's a pretty basic want that you have. It would be what I wanted in your situation.

It's only my opinion but I think it might be time for you to back away from both your x and your bf and take a deep breath. Your not in any state of mind to be making any big choices right now.

I have no idea what it would feel like to be you. I'm very afraid for you right now. I'm assuming that you can't get into see a therapist but that may not be true. If you can you need too as soon as possible.

I've got to run honey. Take care of you!

Love,

Jamie

Dragon127 · 01-24-2005, 05:08 PM

see u @ B.C.

Mook Love U 4-ever