Hello....I have been reading posts for several weeks now, but this is the first time I have actually posted a message. A little background to my situation is: I am 36 and my boyfriend is 26. We work together (we are both teachers in a highschool). I am divorced with two children and he has never been married. This situation is something that is stressful for him. Actually, there are times when he is ok with it and other times when he has a hard time with it.
Anyway.... We have been dating for a year now and I think that he is BP. The problem is that he has not ever been to a doctor to be diagnosed with BP. He did go to a doctor a few years ago and was tested for anxiety. He said he tested off the chart. I asked him what the doctor did for him. He said that the doctor gave him medicine, but he never took it. Now, I am not a doctor and know that I can not diagose him as having BP, but I am a special education teacher that has experienced students that have BP so I have seen the mood swings. Over the past year, I have noticed my boyfriends severe mood swings and started to write down how he was acting each day. There hasn't been a month in at least 6 months that he hasn't experienced highs and lows. And when he does come out of his lows, he is always very apologetic for how he has acted. When our relationship first started, I did think it was anxiety. Actually, he does have a lot of anxiety....but when I started to really see the pattern in his mood swings I realized that it had to more than just that. His friends and family refer to it as him being in one of his "moods". When we first started dating a few of his friends asked me if I had experiecned one of his shut downs yet...and then kindof laughed, like it was just something that was normal for him. At the time I hadn't been seeing by boyfriend all that long so I hadn't really seen what they were talking about. However, it is now clear as day! I know his family and friends think that he has mood swings and anxiety but I really don't think anyone considers it BP or even knows about BP enough to think that is what it is.
What I have noticed over the past year is a shift between highs, lows and somewhere in between. During his depression states, we will go from being together almost everyday and talking on the phone several times a day to not seeing each other for several days and one call at night to say goodnight. When he does call to say goodnight he is very distant and withdrawn. I know that is more than some people get from their SO when they are in their low periods, but emotionally it is still very difficult to deal with. My emotions can't down shift that fast. When he is in a low period he will also say he doesn't know if he can deal with our situation and doesn't know if he will ever be able to handle it. I use to ask him what he wanted to do about our relationship. His reponse was always: "I don't know." I also asked him if he needed some space to try to figure things out: Again, he said : "I don't know." If I pushed him on this to try to get him to make a decision or talk to me more, he would get mad and shut down. I no longer push him or try to talk to him about us when he is in this state becasue I have reseached BP and realize that he can't make a decison during this time.
When he is in his manic phases (actually his are more hypomanic), everything is great. He can express exactly how he feels about me. He also tells me that I am the one that he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he loves my kids, and wants to have more children with me someday. He also drinks excessively during his manic states and parties all night, with no need for sleep. His friends will come home from the bar and crash, but he will be wide awake and wired. He will call me (and friends) all night. Sometimes he will call every 15 minutes from 3 or 4 am until 7 or 8am ~ then he will usually crash for a few hours until his buddies wake up and then he is ready to go again....no hangover, not tired....he feels great!
I guess what I need help with is how to even approach the subject with him?? I know he doesn't like feeling this way and probably knows inside that something is wrong....but he says to me: I've always been like this. So I think that he feels that it is something that he just has to deal with. I also think he is scared. He did tell me one time that his old girlfriend said he needed anger management and also that she thought he was BP. So it's not like it would be the first time hearing it....I just don't know the best way to talk to him about the subject without pushing him away??
Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I think the world of this guy and really want this relationship to work. But most of all, I just want him to start feeling better about himself and know that there is help out there for him!!
Sorry this is so long.... but I guess there wasn't really a shorter way to get it all out!
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