perplexing darkness.... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

darkdancer · 02-03-2005, 05:31 PM

when the dark is so prevalent and the mists of sorrow is all you see, then am I merely afraid to see the light? The hospital was nice, this time, when I found a safe sanctuary but, in the end, leaving, I did remorse of the newness of the what I thought was familiar. I have 1000's of songs yet, all I can play are the ones that hurt. I am loosing a fight I cant decide to try and win, this time. ....is anyone out there?

Ruth6:11 · 02-03-2005, 05:57 PM

I have been there.
I remember even now how engulfing the darkness was.
It is no longer.
But it took awhile, and a diagnosis to explain why the darkness was so overwhelming.
I still play the songs from then.
Plus some newer ones that mean just as much.

darkdancer · 02-03-2005, 06:13 PM

25 years of fighting and what soldier can go further? Is there anytime when its no longer a reality in the meaning of truth and hope? A right-brain thinker with a degree in physics, ...lost within a time I fear and a place I can only hear the echoes of.. walls, within walls, within walls....searching for a door!!!(or am I fooling myself?)

"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all the hurt.' - Max Lerner (1902-1992)
(survive??)

I'mtired · 02-03-2005, 06:34 PM

We all feel this way sometimes. When you are reaching out to folded arms, what do you do? When the only ear who listens is the piece of paper in your journals what do you do? When you feel you can trust no one including yourself, how do you continue?

darkdancer · 02-03-2005, 06:56 PM

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." - Anna Quindlen

trust, as in all matters, can be one thing that is deceptive, when facing one's self. But its the passion to want, and change, and move, that is denied when all is a sorrow. I must speak in this way, as a social anxiety does exsist, .... when in time i can become less confused, i shall attempt more prolonged discussions...

I listen to Bjork now, her haunting melody strives to break that eternal facade of self-loathing and obsecurity i dwell in. i do understand and reading all thus far, of many here, know that im not alone...beliving in this and matters of 'trust' are a hope...one flame does still flicker in the dark winds...