Join Date: Jun 2004
Hey, please read my story.
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was five, I've always been a mediocre student...poor concentration, blah blah...
I used to be a lively kid, good with people, laughable, etc. But soon after hitting puberty I started being more reserved, more anxious, I knew something was wrong, yet at the time I didn't...
So about a month ago I found out I have bipolar depression (type 2, wt.f is type 2 anyway). I am taking anti-depressants, a mood stabilizer, and tranquiliziers, just 3 pills a night. The change was noticeable in a week, I've been feeling better and better, yet for a week or so...I've been feeling sorta bored, just a little bit anxious again(not like I used to). I'm 20 now, and I'm entering college for my 1st year in march, so I hope i'm feeling ok by then. I'm just very exhausted from all of this and I'm glad to see there's people carrying the same burden like me, **** happens...and I'm learning to cope with that. Going through so much garbage in the past 3 years made me strong though, wiser, I get some periods in which I'm extremely confident...about 2 or 3 a week, sometimes I'll feel like junk, bi polarity...
My anxiety is almost gone, yet what bothers me now is the tension left behind by the anxiety. Sometimes I feel phisically great, strong, sometimes I'll feel weak as f***(excuse moi french, not in a good mood).
So I'm just venting off here, thanks for reading. i'm new to all of these, and meds have helped a great deal, but they are only 50% of the help.
Talking with my family and friends helps a lot, I even make fun of myself, for example my dad will ask me if I'm ok if he sees me releasing a normal *sigh, and I'll grab a kitchen knife and look at him with these crazy eyes "It-It's taking my soul, dad, run away!!" Hahah, stupid jokes like that. But it's good to laugh at yourself every now and then, soon i tell him not to be so paranoid about my condition, it's all good.
But today i was taking a few drinks with an old friend at a bar, now i just can't stand the guy. It's like, he's got nothing interesting to say, he used to be a great friend, now I think he's just a living rock, not that hè's a dick or anything, I just can't stand him anymore. Typical conversation with him:
Me: So, how yer dad?
Him: He's in Venezuela, didn't I tell you that?
Me: Venezuela? the **** is he doing in Venezuela? Some oil business thing?
Me: So you're home alone and all?
Me: You should arrange some sorta party, not like a party PARTY, but a few people from our highschool(he used to be in my highschool 4 years ago), a few drinks, maybe some exotic dancers or some **** hahah.
Him: Maybe I should...
I dunno if it is me or him, maybe I'm too irritable, and paranoid - cuz knowing I have this condition has turned me a bit self-conscious, yet I too have judgement. And everything that comes outta his mouth is A word, or a short phrase. See, I used to live in the states 2 months ago, now I'm back at Chile after 4 years, my homeland. it's like starting from zero, so I only have like 4-5 friends left, and a girlfriend, we have nothing serious going on though, so it's all i got for now.
Without meds I wouldn't be able to even maintain a relationship with my girlfriend, that's pretty worrying if you ask me, being dependable of meds for the rest of my life, but like I said....**** happens.
Soooo...what do you suggest, what sort of MEDITATION should be appropiate in my case? For tension? ANY help would be appreciated? I tried to look for meditation on the web....forget it, just a bunch of "...be one with the wind" BS, or some yoga ish i can't even pronounce, I don't want some extreme dedication into this, just a simple meditation to practice everyday.
Remember, I forgot what is to feel physically without this condition, it's not that serious though...but very annoying spams. My phsychiatrist told me it's due to my "altered functioning" that I'm having all these problems. How do I regain my functioning? I'm going to start swimming as of march 2nd, but i need more, something like meditation to calm the 'waters'. So, what I'm trying to say is...I HAVE NO POINT OF VIEW AS TO WHAT TO ACHIEVE PHISICALLY, so any experiences, recomendations are welcome. The past 8 months messed me up emotionally, mentally and phisically, the meds helped me a lot, I'm amazed at how bad I was and I didn't even realize it, but meds are only 50% of the work IMO, so now i need to put some of my own effort, what kinda sports, meditation, diet, sleeping habbits, etc, you know -to have anicer tomorrow...Thanks for reading all these, cheers mate
Last edited by drfeloni; 02-15-2005 at 10:16 PM.