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Old 02-16-2005, 03:36 PM   #1
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cujo25 HB User
Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

Hello,

Another thread I thought I would start as I go through my ordeal with a s/o with bp (although we are currently broken up). A big issue seems to be sudden romances or affairs etc... when manic. I am curious how many go throw this. In my situation we were very happy, even as the mania was just starting my s/o wanted us to work and didnt want to break up but the confusion from the mania led to us being put on hold more or less. She is now seeing someone while being off her meds and completely manic. This isnt her AT ALL. We have been apart for about a month and her mania got worse during the 2nd week to now where she isnt herself. Even if I do get text messages from her or whatever its not her in the least. She is atleast not being mean towards me but hardly acknowledges me in the way we were just a month or so ago.

My main questions is who is in a better position with her right now? the guy she is currently seeing while manic, or myself who had this amazing relationship with her while she was fully stabilized and medicated?. I am curious when she does ever come down from this, (whether crash, hit a norm, or god forbid reach psychotic levels like she did last year) will she then feel for me what she did before being manic, and feel the guilt then etc..? I realize we may never get back together again but I even just want to be her friend, and she wont talk to me on the phone right now because of the guilt right now or just because she is so happy in her mania i really dont matter right now. I am just curious what others experience when they go through this and what happens when the fun/mani dies down?

thanks again all.

 
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Old 02-16-2005, 04:31 PM   #2
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Munozchick HB User
Re: Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

Cujo,
From what I understand, y'all had not been dating that long. You have said that she is not acting like herself. Well, its' not that shes not acting herself. MAYBE its just that you have just never seen this side of her. You cant just assume that she has never done this and she had been this one person all the way up until now.
Im sure she cared about you very much. I'm just saying that maybe she realized that her feelings(as far as romantically), were not as strong anymore. NOT that she doesnt love you. Just that maybe she saw something that maybe you did not and did not think that y'all were meant to be. This is not a bad thing for you. It honestly has nothing to do with the person that you are. It has more to do with the person she is.
Sometimes, when Im manic, I tend to be excited, energenic, etc. about one thing and then later on realize that maybe it was not going to work. I personally think that there are a few things that are going to make you stronger in all of this.

1- It ended before you moved in together.
2- Better now that years down the line.
3- You have learned about this illness and have taken the initiative to better YOURSELF.
4- You have a new beginning with a new job!

I think I can vouche for everyone on here that you are a sweetie. You have invested alot of time into someone you care about. No matter what this girl has done(consciencely or not), you should never stop being that way. Some people think that because they got screwed over once, they will not care the same way for someone new in their lives.

Good luck

With love,
Deanne

 
Old 02-16-2005, 08:33 PM   #3
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silentspirit987 HB User
Re: Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

cujo,
Ive got a different perspective.
I tend to get very obsessed with people in my mind very fast. Such as after 5 minutes of talking to them. I have control over this and never mention it to anyone expect my diary. Then it will die down and I will feel normal again. Then up, then down. Some people might have this cycle in a less r**** cycle. Be patient, your gf is dealing with a hard thing. If she is with you when healthy and with him when sick, then you can bet that your relationship with her was healthier. That is the one that will last if she can become well again. Eventually she will probably want to be. This might not be under her conscious well control. Be patient. Sounds like you are being a saint so far by sticking with this. But either way, be a whole person in yourself so that you have yourself to be with while she is away. ~Libby

 
Old 02-25-2005, 10:23 AM   #4
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Munozchick HB User
Re: Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

Where are you? I haven't seen you post in a while. I just wanted to see how things were going with your ex. Has she called?

Love,
Deanne

 
Old 02-26-2005, 12:06 AM   #5
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cujo25 HB User
Re: Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

Hey Deanne, thanks for the concern.

I have been ok, still kind of up and down. My feelings for her and my love for her certainly have not changed.

I would give anything in the world to have her back the way she was, even to just be able to talk to her right now. The last I heard from her was two weeks ago when I tried texting her one night, actually the night after I left the letter on her front door. She actually responded right away, just saying hello etc.. we text back and forth about 3 times but to be honest it still wasnt her at all . Even alot of the words she used were just weird, things she never says or words she just doesnt use but it was still good to hear from her. I am guessing that in some way my letter must have gotten through to her, even in a tiny way for her to respond to me so quickly. I have tried since then to contact her a few times but with no results so far. I have not given up on the Friends and Family meetings yet, they definitely seem to help me, even when i give up hope I regain it enough to attend and they do help. Actually last week, one member in the group had a manic episode right in front of us, I felt bad as he was doing so well and such a good person. Too much built up with his wife and a pending divorce, her treating him badly etc... he just lost it, started shaking and all he could think about was killing himself and this guy who was staying with his wife. So we all supported him and walked with him down the hall as he admitted himself. Quite an experience to see that but greatful he took the right step to help himself.

No one can say how long she will be like this, or if it will ever change. Sure I would like to think she will come down from this and atleast talk to me again but its so 50/50. I dont care about meeting others right now, and feel better off alone with my memories I have of her for the time being. I did however finally do a few things for myself for once. Last Friday I got a tattoo I have been wanting for about a year, went to the concert of one of my favorite bands the next night, then saw my favorite comedian (dane cook) two nights later. It felt so good to do those things, to be honest though haha, those are all things her and i shared deeply so it was a little tough being there without her but I had her in my mind the whole time and enjoyed those things for her so to speak. Maybe someday I can tell her about it if she talks to me again.

 
Old 02-26-2005, 03:01 AM   #6
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goofyafter2 HB User
Re: Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

Hi Cujo! I am glad that you got out to do some things that you enjoy. Its hard for me to imagine what you are going through, because sometimes I feel like that girl myself (and I am married!). I just wanted to wish you the best and I really think that things will work out the way they are supposed to. Take care my friend! Lori

 
Old 02-27-2005, 06:02 PM   #7
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Re: Regarding manic romances, manic relationships

CUJOOOOOO....It's great to hear from you. You sound much better. I think its awesome that you are still going to those meetings. It tells us alot about your character!
Its also great to hear that you're getting out. What concert did you see?? My favorite comedien is George Carlin. Music and something to make you laugh. Those 2 things always make me feel better!

Love,
Deanne

 
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