I had a rough weekend, well it's still rough, but looking better. I have an exsisting appt. with my psych tomorrow and I need to know whether or not I should tell him all the crazy thoughts that have coming and going out of my head for the last few days, you know serious thoughts of suicide and utter hopelessness, or since I slowly feel myself pulling out of it, keep it to myself? I'm afraid of what might happen if I do tell him, I'm supposed to be leaving on vacation next week with my husband and I dont want anything to jepordize that? Should I just give him a sugar-coated version or am I just hurting myself in the long run if I don't say anything? I didn't think I could fell so low being on the meds, do I need a tweak or something, or was it just a normal reaction to what happened?(if you dont know what I'm talking about read my venting post)
Please help. Thanks.
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Posts: 447
Re: To Share or not to Share?
I know exactly how you feel. Like if you tell them how depressed you really are, they might hospitalize you, and then things will be worse. I don't think I have ever admitted to ANYONE just how miserable I am when the depression hits. But I find that if I ease back on my seroquel, and increase my wellbutrin and spend some time in sunshine and listen to upbeat music, it seems to help. I wouldn't admit being suicidal to a doctor myself, just because I have heard of too many people who do get hospitalized, and although the mental health system has come a long way, once you have seen "one flew over the coo-coos nest", you can never rid yourself of the fear of having your life and your choices completly taken away by an over-zealous physician. You do have to reach out if you are really contemplating different ways to commit suicide. But there's a difference between letting those thoughts go through your head and really looking for different ways to do it. I read your venting post, and my heart goes out to you. Anyone would be stressed out and depressed in your situation. I think you should give yourself time. Once your hospitalized, that stigma will never leave you no matter what. By the way, DONT watch that movie when your depressed!! I just came back from a great vacation in Mexico a few days ago, and the depression that hit when I got back was worse than ever. I drank a lot more than usual, and I dont know how much of a factor that was, but the "let-down" of returning back to reality was shocking. Just prepare yourself for that....Hang in there. Good luck!
I think the best answer is telling the truth, including why you don't want to tell the truth.
It all depends on the relationship you have with your doctor, really. For me, even in the good times, thinking about these things is a daily battle. I don't have a p'doc at the present time (working on that), and when I do I am always cautious at first on how I deal with that subject. For the same reasons you are listing. But in the past, and with my shrink I find that they are very helpful in discussing it and where I am and where I need to be. They know me well enough that they just talk about it with me, and that is what helps me the most.
Now, I have an appointment with someone new tomorrow morning to try to get the meds going again, and still pondering how to handle this, myself. It was easy on the intake interview I had there, as they specifically asked, "Are you suicidal right now?" I could honestly answer "no".
Thanks for the advice. I went to see my psych this afternoon, and when it came down to it, I told him exactly how I felt this weekend which is a heck of a lot worse that I feel right now, so thats ok. I discussed with him the feelings I was having earlier that week, on the uptake to hypomania, completely crushed by the NEWS... which led to dismal depression. It was probably going to happen anyway, but the NEWS just jumpstarted it a little bit, so he said that my lamictal probably needed to be upped, which we did, im now on 300mg. He also said I need to be taking my adderall everyday, which I haven't been, sometimes it makes me feel on the verge of being manic, but thats a lot better than the depression. Plus when its in a steady stream it's "manic" side effects go away and all thats left is the anti-depressive qualities we want. So well see how this goes and pray I dont have to add any more pills. Oh and hope I find out soon when we are going to hawaii :-)
~Jen
