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Old 03-03-2005, 05:37 PM   #1
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Colefort HB User
Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

I've been dating a girl for about eight months now who was diagnosed as bipolar. When she told me, I wasn't really phased because I didn't really think of it as anything that couldn't be managed by the medication that she was on. Well, everything was great for the first 5 months of the relationship, and then she lost her insurance, and decided to try and take half of her perscribed amount of Zoloft, and then I think she might have stopped taking it all together. About a month after she started taking ahlf her dosage, is the first time aside from regular "zoning out" that I have ever seen real signs of her being bipolar. By the end of the sixth month, she was wanting her space, but didn't want to break up. The next day after she told me that she wanted space she called me a couple times, and was all over me that night. Things kind of slowed down again, and then they got back to the way they were in the beginning of the relationship. At the end of January, she told me that she loved me for the first time, and that I was only the second person that she had ever said that to. She was told that she had to see her doctor to get her new perscription, and she doesn't have insurance so she didn't want to. She warned me that she may be crabby until she goes. The next two weeks were great, we never seemed closer. Two weeks later, she dumped me, telling me that she wanted to be by herself, and not with anyone. The next day she called me, when I got over to her house, she said she just wanted to watch tv and hold me. Things were back to normal the next day.

I'm sorry for writing so much, I know how annoying it is when people write so much in a post on a board, but I am just so sad and confused. I am not the kind of guy to cry, but I am crying as I am writing this. She is just the only woman that I have ever been this close to in a relationship, I mean the friendship is just amazing, and I love her so much in every way. I guess what I am trying to find out, is if this sounds like something that is a normal occurance for someone that is bipolar. I want to know if the feelings are real or if they are a product of a low. I know you all can't tell me for certain, but I am just asking what you think it sounds like because I have no clue. She doesn't like to talk about her depression, and has bitten my head off whenever I have mentioned it. Also, does anyone know of options for medication for people who are not covered by health care. Any help is appreciated because this is tearing me apart. Last night we were together, and everything seemed so perfect, but I am always worrying about tomorrow now, and it isn't healthy.

 
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Old 03-03-2005, 06:04 PM   #2
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jen1008 HB User
Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Colefort,

Welcome! Don't worry I have seen longer posts. Glad you're here. I will add more later.

~Jen

 
Old 03-03-2005, 07:08 PM   #3
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Colefort HB User
Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

I would also like to know how I proceed from here. I want what is best for her, and I want to help her as much as I can. What is a good way to approach a conversation about her depression w/o her shutting me out. When I bring up her not taking her meds, she just says that she lived 23 yrs w/o them.

 
Old 03-03-2005, 07:48 PM   #4
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

I understand. My wife has bp. It's a long road but love will endure. The crying will stop before you know it. Get yourself involved in her treatment in someway. Learn about the illness and you shall become less emotional and more knowledgeable.
These items should make dealing with this a bit easer.
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Old 03-04-2005, 05:40 AM   #5
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Hey there 'CF'...

Welcome to the boards...

1) Let it out, it helps...and NOBODY will ever say "shut up you talk too much" here...

2) Listen to MUD...he doesn't say much, but what he says, is priceless...

Hedge.
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Old 03-04-2005, 07:06 AM   #6
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Hi Colefort,

I would say all your girlfriends actions and feelings are a product of the bipolar. I wouldn't worry about them being real until she is normal. Hang in there! There is somewhere you can go for help. You will just have to search. My mother, who is also bipolar, has no insurance and not much money(she can't work and her husband works in constuction.) She gets care from MHMR-Mental Health Mental Retardation. Before she was going to John Peter Smith. I don't know where you live or if these places are anywhere around you but there is somewhere that will help you if you just look around. I hope some of this helps and good luck to you!
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Old 03-04-2005, 07:29 AM   #7
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

You sure she's been clinically diagnosed as bipolar? Zoloft is usually not prescribed for that. Usually Seraquel, lithium, geodon are prescribed. hm.
She can go to Social Services and get meds for free. Catholic Social Services, or call a state run treatment facility. How old are you both? Sounds like a whole lot of problems to start your life with.

 
Old 03-04-2005, 08:59 AM   #8
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Lightbulb Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Colefort
I would also like to know how I proceed from here. I want what is best for her, and I want to help her as much as I can. What is a good way to approach a conversation about her depression w/o her shutting me out. When I bring up her not taking her meds, she just says that she lived 23 yrs w/o them.
She may have lived 23 years without them but what was that time like? Try and tell her that you are concerned about her and that you would like to share with her, maybe you can think of a time when you were depressed. That always helps, if the other perosn has experienced any symptoms that the Bi-Polar Disorder person can relate to. They are more likely to open up with you. Right now is a very hard time for you and you have to have a LOT of patience..........I cannot tell you if your GF loves you but I can tell you that her STILL being with you is a good sign if she is off her meds......Kahlia
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I have seen many things BUT the most terrible thing I have ever seen was the lack of compassion for another.....................Kahlia

Last edited by Kahlia25; 03-04-2005 at 09:11 AM.

 
Old 03-04-2005, 09:51 AM   #9
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Yes, she was diagnosed with bipolar at one point, although I don't know if she really recognizes herself as such. She has been on Depakote?, Lithium, and some others I don't remember, but I know that she doesn't take those now. She didn't take anything until she was commited to a hospital about three years ago where I am assuming she was diagnosed. The only med she ever talks about now is Zoloft 200 or 250mg, and when she is on it, she seems fine most of the time. She tries to hide her depression from me most of the time though. I am 30 and she is 25

 
Old 03-04-2005, 10:21 AM   #10
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beers4466 HB User
Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

If you don't already love her get out NOW!!! If it's to late for that you need to find out every thing you can about this illness.Lots of info and groups on the net. My wife is bipolar and it makes life very dificult.

 
Old 03-04-2005, 01:28 PM   #11
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LeeRB HB User
Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

I agree with you Beers. I know a number of people who have bp...the conversations with them, when they're manic, are always grandiose and exaggerated. For instance, if the guy lived in a small house and had a little stable in the back with 2 ponies, the story now is "I lived on a 25 acre farm in W. Virginia with 25 thoroughbreds." It's exasperating for anyone listening to the story for the 87th time, and you can't correct them because they become argumentative. On the flip side, the depression can be so bad that it makes YOU want to jump off the bridge. And for those people who don't get help or put themselves on meds....I've heard that the bp person is always waiting for the mania.......and the meds evens things out and makes them feel monotone.

 
Old 03-04-2005, 01:43 PM   #12
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Beers and Lee,

I am sorry but I am a little offended by you two. Not ALL bipolars are like that, some are more mild. We do not ALL have grandoise and exaggerated ideas like that. You should not just abandon someone because they are bipolar. Besides, this guy is trying to help his girlfriend. I don't think having such negative things to say are going to make him feel any better. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings here but I just had to get that off my chest.
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Old 03-04-2005, 04:12 PM   #13
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Hi. I just wanted to add that the one thing that ALL of the drs, therapists, I have seen re my bipolar diag., have told me that if I do not take some kind of meds, the condition will just worsen. Don't know if this is true but the way I have changed by taking meds erratically, I am inclined to believe them. Also when I was at the hospital, they told everyone if they ran out of meds & could not afford them to call because it was too IMPORTANT to stay on the treatment plan. Sorry if I can't help, but I just want to wish you the best of luck. I hope she will agree to seek help from a hospital, clinic or somewhere. She will thank you for it later if you can only get her to take the 1st step. Lori

 
Old 03-04-2005, 08:28 PM   #14
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Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

I just wanted to thank everyone for their help so far. Obviously I don't know much about bipolar disorder so I guess the first step is to learn as much as I can about it, and find some way to get her into an honest discussion about her feelings about it. If anyone has any suggestions about the best way to approach the subject, I would really love to hear them. Keep in mind, she doesn't think the doctors know what they are talking about sometimes, and that she thinks that she can live w/o her meds at times too. It is not going to be easy, she does not like to talk about it. Suggestions from anyone who is bp themselves would be greatly appreciated! Also, it is apparent that I really need to educate myself on BP, does anyone have any book or resource suggestions? I really appreciate everything you all have offered, I don't feel nearly as alone now. I do love her, and I am not ready to give up on this.

 
Old 03-04-2005, 09:35 PM   #15
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lockedaway HB User
Re: Guy trying hard to love bipolar girl please help

Hi Colefort(sp)
I think it is great that you want to learn how to deal/help/live with your gf. I was diagnosed with BP more than ten years ago, i am 25 now.. my boyfriend of about 5 years is 26. He is very understanding and cooperative of my BP. Over time he has learned when NOT to talk to me. I have irrational outbursts and get very frustrated and filled with anxiety when i am manic and thoughts are racing so fast I can't finish one thought, much less a project. He sees when I am like this and knows to just stay out of my path for a little while.
I think hiding depression and feelings in general is something us BPs do to protect ourself and those around us (i can't speak for everyone ofcourse but I have had many close BP friends as well). Its hard to admit there is a problem and sometimes it can make you feel less of a person... its very hard to fully admit you are/have BP. I am VERy familiar with declining medication... I self medicated with drugs for many years and then I finally went on meds and I will admit I still have a problem staying on the meds. My reasons:
1. after being on a med for a long time, i tend to feel 'normal' and feel as though i can stop taking them and will still be 'normal'
2. the side effects can be pretty bad from some meds.
3. admitting to yourself (and others) that you have to take meds for LIFE to be mentally stable is a really hard thing to do.
4. Like your GF.. insurance and the cost of meds.

I want to say one more thing in reference to your girlfriend wanting space and whatnot.
I am going through the process of switching meds and I had a horrible outburst the other night that I regret so much... I told my boyfriend that maybe we should put some space between us.... this is the farthest thing from what I want and it makes me cry now being in a stable mood that I even said that to him.

I am so sorry this is so long and rambly but I wanted to put my input in, because you seem like you really want to understand and that is good, its important!
good luck and i'm open to answer ANY question you may want to ask (i'll answer to the best of my knowledge).

 
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