Hey, don't dispair. Read the first couple of threads on the board, the one about "Some questions" especially. Most of us have wondered at one time or another if we had multiple personality disorder, or something worse. And worried about what a doctor would think or say if we told him how we felt, and worse,we behaved!! Of course you love your kids, EVERYONE yells at their kids sometimes, even normies.
But for us, its usually so out of character, we feel horrible, and wonder what the heck!! If you do have a chemical imbalance, and it sounds like you do, (I'm no doctor) then you can't help the feelings of impatience, irritablity, and even rage that seem to accompany the time right before you flip to one extreme or the other. Be honest with your doctor.... and read, read, read. I have learned so much from this group. You're in the right place!! Hang in there!!