Im angry all the time. Well either angry or depressed or so elatied I cant stand it. These mood swings were under control when I first started out on Depakote but now at 750 mgs I am starting to rage again. I dont know whats wrong with me. I feel so alone all the time. Tonight my fiancee and I got into a fight and I gave him back his ring and he didnt even try to make me stay. I feel so put out and so damn alone.
The walls here are closing in on me and suicidal thoughs race through my mind. The only thing keeping me grounded is my 11 monts old son. I cant die before I watch him turn 1.
I'm a recovering addict. You'll see me post on the addictions boards too. I have the strongest urge to drink or use just numb this pain this hole inside me is all consuming.
I feel so lost and so alone someone give me hope.
~MoonLitWillow
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
(Jeremiah 29:11)
God has not forgotten you, MoonLitWillow. Talk to Him. He'll hear.
Hi Moonlit. Have you spoken to your dr? Maybe you are ready for an increase in depakote or ready to add something else to help. It makes life difficult when you have the moods and the people around you don't know what to do and never say the things we want to hear. To be honest, you can't die at all. Your child needs you forever. I have 2 of them and you know sometimes I think that they are the only thing that keeps me going. When I feel good, life is just peachy, but throw in some severe mood swings and I am ready to do who knows what. Please talk to your dr. and then talk to your fiance. We do things in arguments that we don't always mean. Please accept my love and hugs! Let us know how you are doing. Love, Lori
Hey Moonlit Willow,
I know exactly how you feel, and so do a lot of other people here. Please, please, please go see your doctor. Just know that you will find comfort and understanding here, and a few good suggestions. Post again soon so we know how you are doing.
Take care, you've found a home.
T.
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Posts: 447
Re: Angry All The Time
Just spend an hour reading some of the threads and posts on this board and you will realize.....
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
We're all struggling with what you're talking about. You won't ever get your old life back, but you will develop a new one, and you will become wise, and learn how to accept your illness. And you will go on with your life as best you can. I've had friends with the illness, and never known anyone to get better without meds, and a good p-doc. Whenever you feel lost and overwhelmed, just vent. No one here is gonna be shocked by any of the stuff you tell us. And keep thinking about your son. Thinking about my kids, and how my actions affect them has gotten me through a lot of depressions. Make sure when you get an apt that they know how serious your feelings of hopelessness are right now. It might help you get in sooner. Hang in there, OK?
-H
First I want to say DON'T PICK UP!!!!!! It isn't worth it!!!! It's not going to help anything and will probably screw things up.
If I were you, I'd march right back to boy friend and try to explain and apologize if you were wrong. Bp is a reason to rage but, not an excuse.
You need to get to the doc to get your meds changed or tweaked. There is no reason for you to feel this way if it's your bp and not situational.
I'm so sorry you feel so alone. I don't think there's a worse feeling in the world. I've been there when I was in the middle of a crowd. It's awful. {{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}to you!
Think about this. When you had your child you made a promise to be his mother. Not until you couldn't take it any more but, for your life time. Cutting out early means you lied. I don't know about you but, at times I've had nothing else I have had my word. When I give it I mean it. I'm proud of that. Your goal to make it to one is a good short term goal but you need to be there when he turns 41.
Think about this. When you had your child you made a promise to be his mother. Not until you couldn't take it any more but, for your life time. Cutting out early means you lied.
This is so true, even though I have also felt like quitting. Sometimes I wish I never would have had them - to put them through all of this. But I love them to death and they love me and NEED ME. As does your child. Please let us know you are doing ok. We love you!! Lori
I'm usually depressed, but a lot of times something will set me off (esp when I'm already in an agitated, irritable mood) and I'll just lose it - Yell, say things I don't mean, do things I regret later... all rationally goes out the window and its like I'm a completely different person.
Right now I'm trying to read myself to better know when I'm in these moods. If I'm having a bad day, I have a few people I avoid . And if its someone close to me that is making me mad or that I'm getting angry or annoyed with, I try to explain to them that I'm in a bad mood. It sucks though, because a lot of times my moods shift so quickly that I'm reacting before I've even had time to think!
I hope you are okay, please post to let us know how you are!
