I've been down a bit. The meds that I started a couple of weeks ago are starting to help, but it's a mixed blessing. As they start to help, the start slowing down the swings. That means each one lasts longer and is more distinct. Anxiety separates out of the mix and hits harder. I know that this is just a process to endure, but it is hard.
The past couple of days I have been really productive. Guess a result of a bit of high whithout the nasty parts. I'm starting to see a familiar pattern from my past. I'll go out and get all sorts of things lined up and make obligations and plans. Then, I drop down and wonder what I've gotten myself into, and how I am ever going to survive.
I locked myself out of my truck yesterday, and missed an intake appointment for help with meds. I can reschedule, but that's the thing. I have to reschedule. That means picking up the phone and calling and talking to someone that even though they work for an organization, doesn't really know anything about it. Sorry, I apologize for the negative, there.
I did, however, manage to become registered for school. I actually am scheduled to start on the 28th. Yet, I have to take them vaccination info, and I'm not sure I can get it by then. I am having to reschedule an appointment with the psychologist I see, as the school schedule interferes with the time. But I think I will be pretty upset if I cannot go to class and rescheduled for naught. He is always quite booked, and I know I am going to have to wait a few weeks more, especially since I don't have an open schedule.
I also am having vehicle problems. It is scary. I totally rely on my truck, and I really don't know who to have look at it. I am afraid I'd have to stay in a shelter if I lost it. I have to confess that I still don't really know how much money is in my account at present, and don't seem to have the energy to try to figure it out.
That's all I really feel like typing. There's more to say, and I probably could sound more positive if I worked on it. I just feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper. Haven't had to deal with a close to pure depression in a while, and I don't like it. I'd rather be flying if I have to do anything.
Don't apologize for being down!!!! We all have been there and may be back again. We can't always be up - Believe me!!!! I'm very sorry you have to feel this way though. I know you're not in a place where you can just be depressed. Please know you're loved.
I'm glad the meds are starting to work some. They may need to be adjusted so you're going to have to pick up the phone for the appointment. I know it can be hard when you're so down but, you need to do it. Start with getting to a phone...Step one...Step two...Dial...Step three...Tell the person on the other end what you need. I know it's tough but, try just breaking it down in to steps. Even smaller steps if you have to. The same thing with checking your bank account. It a very important thing to do. Just break up the job as small as you can.
I'm excited about your school! What are you going for? When does it start? No fair not giving and details. I'm so glad your doing it. I feel so happy you'd think it was me going.
Hi Loopy! I am sorry you are feeling blue. I hope it doesn't last too awful long. I am so with you on the productive end. For the past few days I have been cleaning and organizing my house nonstop. You should be very proud that you have registered for school. Please get yourself an appt. I know how hard it is. I just keep telling myself this "It is time for me to get well now. I am running out of people to see. I have complete trust in my therapist and pdoc (which I do) and I am promising to myself and my family that I will really let them try to help me this time. If I start having problems, I am comfortable to call them rather then try to "cure" myself." At least this is how I feel lately (while I am on the strong end of things). Sorry to go on and on, but when I am energized like this, I most often do. I have also been on the -i am not calling anybody -I'm fine -even though I won't take 5 minutes to pay the bills, I just can't. Once you get yourself to take care of a couple of things you will feel so much better. When you do get in to the dr- can they recommend a mechanic? or even someone at the school? I just want you to be happy Loopy! I also know its not that easy. Please stay in close touch with us at least, we are all here for you and love you! Take care, Love, Lori
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Re: the blues have hit
I know how you feel. I just went through a med change myself, and it's tough. I started to feel better too, and get some energy back. But in the back of my mind I was thinking....this can't last, the depression is just around the corner....and it was. But it didn't last too long, and its getting better. I don't know if you are able to get any sunlight right now, but I find that helps me. Even if I have to go to a tanning bed when It's crummy outside. I can also relate to your financial problems, I'm not struggling with that right now, but I've been there, and it could be affecting your depression, also.
As far as your problems with getting an apt. to talk to your doctor about your meds, that happens to all of us sometimes. I have great insurance, and what they call "the best healthcare" and I still get treated the same way when I call the clinic for a question or concern. Basically, they blow me off. I have to wait the full three weeks to talk to a doctor, no matter if this new med is working for me or not, they just tell you to cope, and we will see you at your regularly scheduled apt time.
Just hang in there. We're building character by coping with all of this stuff, right?