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Old 03-16-2005, 05:31 PM   #1
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Luka Mullens HB User
Husband with bipolar mom

His dad died 20 years ago, his mom about 5 years ago. She was bipolar, his dad not, but all he did was shield his children, never talking to them and never getting them involved. He meant really well, but he especially forgot my husband quite often (I think because my husband was the youngest of his children).

Now my husband is slipping in a severe depression. His excellent therapist (he decided he needed help) tells him to find a way to grief his past. She told him (and will help him with this) to find his memories and work through them to give them a place.
I have always known something is not quite right, and I really hate to see him struggle so badly.
Things are going downhill real fast: he talks about wanting to leave us so he won't burden us and hurt us (he has done his share of very hurtful things, somehow managing to keep us on "the outside").
If he wants to leave us, he can, but not for the wrong reasons!

Any of you recognize this? Have a bipolar parent? I don't think his depression is bipolar, I think he really has depression. I have never seen him manic, and - too be honest - untill now also never depressed. He can be down, but not like this...

Is therapy going to help him?

L.

 
Old 03-17-2005, 05:20 AM   #2
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Husband with bipolar mom

Luka there is a condition called Unipolar depression.
It's the depression part of bipolar disorder without the "high" side".

The question I would ask first (and then emphasize to a physician) is:
Did something happen that kicked off this period of depression?

If there is no external cause then I would suspect a chemical imbalance - especially with mood disorders in his genetics.
Keep in mind that only a doctor can diagnose!
Let us know how it goes. And don't forget to take care of yourself and have other outlets (plus us!) for communication. Living with depression is a total black pit for the other person, but it is extremely demanding for the person who loves them.

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 03-17-2005 at 05:21 AM.

 
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Old 03-17-2005, 05:53 AM   #3
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Luka Mullens HB User
Re: Husband with bipolar mom

We know what kicked of the depression and right now it comes down to: "I don't want to leave for the wrong reasons, but I also don't want to stay for the wrong reasons".

If I understand you correctly, the changes of it being unipolar is smaller if you can identify a clear cause?

It is painful to see him in such turmoil. It is painful to relive the mess his mom brought on in his life.
I come from a very happy home with no such problems and I always believed that stuff like this would come back to you if you don't work through it (e.g. he has no emotional memories from when he was 6 till when he was about 16!) but then, last year, I thought maybe not...maybe he has put it in a place where it is gone...
Guess what...it is here with a vengenance!

L.

 
Old 03-29-2005, 12:05 AM   #4
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: michigan
Posts: 264
MIpigpen HB User
Re: Husband with bipolar mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luka Mullens
His dad died 20 years ago, his mom about 5 years ago. She was bipolar, his dad not, but all he did was shield his children, never talking to them and never getting them involved. He meant really well, but he especially forgot my husband quite often (I think because my husband was the youngest of his children).

Now my husband is slipping in a severe depression. His excellent therapist (he decided he needed help) tells him to find a way to grief his past. She told him (and will help him with this) to find his memories and work through them to give them a place.
I have always known something is not quite right, and I really hate to see him struggle so badly.
Things are going downhill real fast: he talks about wanting to leave us so he won't burden us and hurt us (he has done his share of very hurtful things, somehow managing to keep us on "the outside").
If he wants to leave us, he can, but not for the wrong reasons!

Any of you recognize this? Have a bipolar parent? I don't think his depression is bipolar, I think he really has depression. I have never seen him manic, and - too be honest - untill now also never depressed. He can be down, but not like this...

Is therapy going to help him?

L.
How is this going?

Funny, my hubby has a mom that I think I bipolar...or narcasistic (sp.) He comes up with this stuff that is so untrue about his childhood...or at least it seems to change a lot.

His depression just hit. He is doing well after a hard time.

Hope things work!

 
Old 03-29-2005, 09:56 AM   #5
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 36
alexgranny HB User
Re: Husband with bipolar mom

Luka,
It is true that a tendency toward mood disorders has a genetic link but that doesn't mean a person can't live a normal life if they face and deal with the "monster". I have a type of bipolar called Bipolar II. We spend most of our time on the depressed side with occasional hypomanic episodes. I have never had a totally manic episode but after years of trying to understand my behavior I accept that Bipolar II fits the picture.
My first husband had Bipolar I. We have three children two of which are bipolar and one who suffers from major depression. Surprisingly everyone seems to be doing fine on meds and having therapy. The treatments available now are much more effective than they were during your mother-in-law's time so don't be afraid to explore these options.
God bless.

 
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