Ok, here's my new story-lol! I used to be pretty unopinionated subscribing to the "how does this affect ME?" way of thinking. I know notice that I am getting angry about things that are like- who cares or who cares that much? My coworker just had to have emergency surgery last weekend and went on and on about how horrible the staff was. Like nobody knew what was going on, people were ****** because they had to work later, the nurses didn't like the dr. etc. I got so freaking mad that I was composing (in my head of course) a "*****" letter that I wanted her to sign and send in. Why do I care? It wasn't me. She was telling me the story and I was swearing and carrying on, like it was me. Anyhow, I have been composing my "own" letters too about my one time visit to a p-doc, who I considered incompetent at least with me, and my reg dr who I will be leaving because I consider him a quack. After I had some kind of weird experience in his office and just "HAD" to get the hell out of there. Its not me though, right (LOL)? Its not all drs though, because I love my new pdoc and my new therapist.
OMG, I can't believe how long this is getting. Then the dr office called my coworker with some disturbing news and I cried about it. She wasn't even crying, what the hell? Why am I so intrusive or whatever. Then I am getting ****** because I am seeing Billy Idol, Duran Duran and Motley Crue on tv again. Isn't that crap over with yet? What do I care? Turn the channel, right? Why can't they make roads that will last? After all these years, I am certain that they can figure it out. Why do I have to drive along having a fit everytime I drive over potholes. Who really cares right?
Anyhow, I guess my question is -am I doomed to be one of those old people screaming at kids walking on the lawn (LOL)? I never had anything to say about anything and now I want to spout off about anything. Anybody else have this experience? I am just wondering if it is the meds, or getting older, or this disease, or what. I am just feeling like what is this world coming to? And these aren't even issues that make a difference! Like why do we live in a world where U2 sings slow songs? Yuck!
It's OK, just ' vent away ' ..............! I am listening............,
I know you may hate to hear this, but I do know how you feel. I get in
these moods, or whatever, too. These days, since my mood swings are
seasonal, I am coming out of this darkness and getting a bit hyper ! YEAH !
I just in the past few days got up out of the bed and decided I
need to ' get up and do SOMETHING ! '
During the holidays, I decided that I didn't give a **** about anything.
I feel that way now. Like, I was really ****** at my sister. Now days,
I just don't care. I don't care much about anything !
Sometimes, I just don't think I FEEL ANYTHING ! Am I making any sense ?
I wanted to tell you ......., ' No, it's not just you, and it's not all Doctors, like you said. '
And the main issue is that you like your PDoc, and your new therapist !
I think you have things figured out, really. I hope I haven't said anything
wrong. And, I hope I have helped in some way.
Sorry, I guess I am the one who has been venting.....,
Thanks for listening,
I too am also quite frequently a block of ice. I don't know, don't wanna know, wouldn't care if I did know. Then other times get really ****** off at fictional characters from books or tv. Or take on the causes of others that have nothing to do with me. But I mostly run cold, and when I'm like that people are hard to convince that I was ever a nice, kind, considerate person. Irritable! Reesie snarks and snaps like there's no tommorrow. I once came indoors from a sunny outdoors wearing sunglasses, a woman said "you're wearing shades is it sunny out?" I said "no I'm impersonating blind people, of course it's sunny you dolt do the world a favor and get your tubes tied!" Luckily she was a complete stranger and I don't have to see her again.
I wanted to respond to GoofyAfter's post - my BF (BP II) and I were just having a discussion similar to this and this is what we came up with. He had similar concerns to yours and I explained to him that often, I get irritated by the silliest things, especially inanimate objects (which he gets a kick out of) and can easily lose my cool over things that do not matter AT ALL. So we agreed that we BOTH have these irritations (obviously mine differ from his) but that he FEELS them more intensely because of the illness and may have more clouded (or crowded) thoughts when experiencing the same thing.
I hope that makes sense.
And you know what, if anyone says they don't get irritated by anything, I'd have to wonder...........
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Re: next question...or is it a vent???
This thread is so similar to the thread "Highs, lows or somewhere in between". I think we all get the idea, we are all the same, we range in emotions from happy and euphoric to irritable, confrontational and down right depressed. It is the disease.
And then we have to factor in meds, and how to know if we are over-medicated, or not. Its not that simple. In fact it's down-right complicated. We're all smart, and we are figuring it out....
If you havent read that thread, please do, so I don't have to be redundant.
Oh, and by the way, Reesie. You always crack me up. The seroquel has definately not taken away your personality. And really, if a stranger makes a comment like that to you, doesn't she deserve it?