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Old 03-26-2005, 04:48 AM   #1
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feelinbad HB User
In a Bad way

Hi..Im new. Im 30 and married with two young kids. I have Bipolar and manic depression, and I have been trying so very hard to keep it all under control. Yes, I take meds, but not a very high dose, and I am not very confident in my Dr. My marriage hasbeen horrible for the last 6 years and we have been together for the kids. My husband is a terrific dad, but we are basically roommates and he is in denial and has been about my illness. I have had no support or shoulder to go to. I am in manic phase and deppressed right now and it takes every bit of energy out of me to hide it from my kids and be the fun mom that I try to be. I am absolutley exhausted aat the end of the day. Ok..Along comes this 18 year old guy who lives across the street who just lost his mom. I befriended him, and tried to be kind. He has fallen in love with me and this is a shock to my system. No one has told me I am beaustiful in years. I get along with him..Its making my mania worse. I like the attention..I feel like I am going to spin out of control. I want to be there for him and yes, I have feelings for him, but look, A. I have problems and trying to maintain for me kids, b. marriage is bad, c. this is really wacked help..I hope you can understand what I am trying to say here..anyadvice would be great ill write back thanks guys..-April

 
Old 03-26-2005, 04:55 AM   #2
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mudhound HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Weclome to the board. Oh what a mess. A husband in dinal is a case history for a divorce. I know, we almost got one. Get him on this board fast. Have him search the board for items related to BP. Also, a local support group should be in your area to help educate him.
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Old 03-26-2005, 01:37 PM   #3
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Kahlia25 HB User
Exclamation Re: In a Bad way

April-you are in a mess as Mud said. First of all, another relationship is not tha answer to anything. Your husband is in denial and that makes you feel insecure and alone. ALONE is the baddest place to be when you are Bi-Polar. Being 18 is another story. This guy may make you feel attractive and give you attention but in the long run, what is in it for you? Right now, you say you are manic, that is a symptom of mania.....being attracted to just about anybody that will glance your way. I know, I have been there. It is hard to convince yourself that you are just doing this for the attention factor. Have you tried telling your husband that you need him to be there for you, that you have problems that you cannot handle alone? I finally did and I was shocked at my husband's response. He was just as messed up as I was and had NO clue as to what to do for me. He finally got some information about BiPolar disorder and he just lets me be me now. He really has no other choice. I hope you keep posting and talk this out with someone who understands what you are doing........it helps.......forget about the 18 year old.......Kahlia
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I have seen many things BUT the most terrible thing I have ever seen was the lack of compassion for another.....................Kahlia

 
Old 03-26-2005, 04:01 PM   #4
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polarized13 HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Hi April,

When I was reading your thread, I got goosebumps because it sounded so much like what I went through about 2 years ago.

In my case, I was married for five years with two kids, my marriage was'nt that bad, but my husband had cheated on me, and I had really never completely forgiven him.

And he never told me how pretty and sexy I was anymore, and I really needed to hear it. This gorgeous 25 year old guy came along that worked in the same building as me, (I was 33 at the time) and started giving me the kind of attention I craved. At first I thought I could "handle" myself, and not get caught up, and just even the score.....

It turned out to be a disaster. I went into the worst manic episode ever, actually it was how I got my diagnosis. I completly regret it now of course, mostly because it hurt my kids. I lost complete control. I became addicted to the adrenaline rush I got from sneaking around and meeting him on my lunch-break, etc.

Believe me, I know how much of a temptation you are facing. But it will only cause you to spiral into a destructive manic episode that will make you miserable in the long run. Maybe you and your husband can't work out your problems, but you have to find out and try....for your kids sake, if nothing else.

And then if you do end up splitting up with your husband, you should wait a while, and start a relationship with someone who is mature, and able to really handle being with a real grown-up.

I know you probably feel like your head is spinning, and it's all just so confusing. I'm a really good listener, and I have been through a ton of stuff in my life, I think it helps to talk to someone who has been there, and isn't judging you.

I also thought I had feelings for my "boy-toy." But looking back now, I know it was just fooling myself. Please write back, and I will try and help you all I can.

Don't stress, you will get this all sorted out. It will be ok....

take care,

heather

 
Old 03-26-2005, 07:23 PM   #5
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feelinbad HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Thanks guys! Just the fact that you wrote makes me feel good. I hear what you are saying. I am glad you understand. This sucks. Because My hsband just has nothing to say to me anymore. We dont talk, nothing in common. I am a freak in his eyes. Heres my friend, who needs me. He really does because he just lost his mom and doesnt have another soul. We are both needy right now, I suppose that makes a manic combo. imagine there was an antideppresant drive thru..Ill have a xanax with water, hold the side effects please..Nah..I dont dont take those..Im just trying to make light of this...Thanks so much again for your replies..I would really love to hear more of manic experiences, just to feel less alone. -April-

 
Old 03-27-2005, 06:19 AM   #6
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Soniarose59 HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Feelinbad,
I understand your situation. Been there. It is one thing to be a friend to someone who is hurting. He needs to know that you are only a friend. Which is hard as he is saying the things you want to hear. IMHO, if I were you, I would seek some kind of therapy. If your husband won't go, then you go. You have to get your part of the sidewalk cleaned before you can go further. I don't think there is anything wrong with an 18 yr old guy with a 30 yrd old woman but you both are vulnerable right now and not in a position to make big decisions.
Take care of your mental health first and if things are meant to be then it will happen. Don't go off half crocked and do something you may regret later. Look at all the pieces in the puzzle.
My best to you,
Sondra

 
Old 03-27-2005, 07:04 AM   #7
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Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
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polarized13 HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Hi Again,

I just wanted to respond again after I read your reply post, and Sonia's reply. Sonia has a good point, that it isn't necessarily the age of your new friend that's the problem. Although, most 18 year old's I know are'nt really able to handle the respnsibility of bieng in a relationship with someone much older who has kids. It's more of the fact that you are both emotionally so vulnerable, with him losing his Mom, and you having not dealt with the resolution of your marriage yet.

It sounds like after your last post, that there is truly nothing left between you and your husband, and if that's the case, then you shouldn't stay together in my opinion. Although, my husband and I were together for a long time before we got married, and we had problems off and on, and often they were compounded by my mental illness, but often in any relationship, I think people go through ups and downs, and sometimes, if both people are willing to work, it can be salvaged.

So, I guess my point is, that this isn't just all about bipolar. There are a lot of factors involved in how you ended up here, and you just have to get it all sorted out before you can really resolve things.

Anyway, I gotta go do Easter stuff, have a good holiday!!

take care,

heather

 
Old 03-27-2005, 09:09 PM   #8
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barbarals HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Quote:
Originally Posted by feelinbad
Hi..Im new. Im 30 and married with two young kids. I have Bipolar and manic depression, and I have been trying so very hard to keep it all under control. Yes, I take meds, but not a very high dose, and I am not very confident in my Dr. My marriage hasbeen horrible for the last 6 years and we have been together for the kids. My husband is a terrific dad, but we are basically roommates and he is in denial and has been about my illness. I have had no support or shoulder to go to. I am in manic phase and deppressed right now and it takes every bit of energy out of me to hide it from my kids and be the fun mom that I try to be. I am absolutley exhausted aat the end of the day. Ok..Along comes this 18 year old guy who lives across the street who just lost his mom. I befriended him, and tried to be kind. He has fallen in love with me and this is a shock to my system. No one has told me I am beaustiful in years. I get along with him..Its making my mania worse. I like the attention..I feel like I am going to spin out of control. I want to be there for him and yes, I have feelings for him, but look, A. I have problems and trying to maintain for me kids, b. marriage is bad, c. this is really wacked help..I hope you can understand what I am trying to say here..anyadvice would be great ill write back thanks guys..-April
you said ou were manic depressive and bipolar...honey that is the same they both describe the same illness.you can not be manic and depressed at teh same time unlesss you have manic episode superimposed over a major depressive epsiode and if that is teh case you are doubly at risk for suicide and other problems. your longings for the 18 year old across the street is part of your mania. we become overly promisciuos when manical and we will literally have sex with anyone at any time. if he told you you are beautiful then your mania magnifies that. if you screw him it will feel good but later could cause overly self defeating thoughts and suiciadal behaviors. you need counseling now and a professional not online rookies.your husband needs to be educated on your illness. i urge you to seek counseling now. do not screw the 18 year old. masturbate or screw your husband.

 
Old 03-29-2005, 02:54 AM   #9
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goofyafter2 HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Hi April. I know what I would do if I were in your shoes, but I know it would be wrong. It has happened to me and not only that but was it with 2 different people at the same time plus dh. Trying to run many lives at one time takes its toll. At that point in my life, I was not diagnosed anything and never even considered it to be anything but what it was. I actually had a coworker back then who suggested the idea of chemical imbalance. I thought SHE was crazy. I was young and of course knew everything and never even heard of such a thing. So what exactly am I trying to say? I'm not sure but your tale struck a chord with me so I guess I wanted to share. It won't be a happy ending if you can't think rationally. It all made sense to me though at the time. Please be cautious and seek a therapist advice if you don't think you can handle things.

 
Old 03-31-2005, 09:39 AM   #10
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pferg101 HB User
Re: In a Bad way

I understand what you are going through! I am married with one child. My husband spent all his time with a computer battle game! I finally gave him a ultimatium. Me or the computer. He chose me but,...........I have been talking to an old boyfriend for about 2 years and he makes me happy! To talk to that is. He tells me all the things my husband doesn't and more. He is the man that chose another woman when we a were dating and has lived to regret it for 10 years!

Bottom line though: The boyfriend won't make your life any easier. It will add to your illness and guilt and ultimately make you feel worse about yourself! I know this too!

What shall we do?

pferg

 
Old 04-01-2005, 04:21 AM   #11
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feelinbad HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Hey Guys..Its me..I hear everyone! And btw thanks for being so kind. UGH..its been crazy , yes. Okay. Here we go. Um..well, I did not want to admit it before but idid do it with him, and I feel like now I am a woman scorned. Heres my story. Got a few hours? I grew up jewish and last summer I felt that iwas really having a nervous breakdown. My husband never really liked the real me(after i had baby) and his mother in law kept sending me all kinds of stuff on christianity , and we just so happened to be visiting her house last summer. I couldnt take it anymore so I guess I was having a manic monday..poof I found christ. This lasted a few months & I was Baptized, I read the Bible every night andthen all of a sudden bam..Im empty. I realised I cannot keep up with playing the charade of trying to be someone else to please the husband and his mom -so I have been trying to be someone else live another life all along. Its wacked. If only he could have just looked at the info I gave him- and accepted athe 6 years we have been living together maybe asked why I burned cigs into my hand & pierced my own nose & shaved my head & did crazy things in the past & askeds himself why.. why I was crying out to my husband for help and support and not have gotten a psychological backhand from him like go ahead kill yourself or you are NOT bipolar and "there is nothing wrong with you other than you are selfish" maybe I would Not go for the hurting 18 year old across the street. But manic phase or not right now, He is very mature, and makes me feel like I can be the real me! Crazy and fun and goofy and loving and ECCENTRIC because those of us who have this disorder are eccentric and most of us who have this disorder are DEEP>>LOVING AND artistic individuals and we need to love ourselves and know that we are special!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!thanks for listening and you people that have responded to me are sweethearts thank you so much

Last edited by feelinbad; 04-01-2005 at 04:25 AM.

 
Old 04-02-2005, 08:03 AM   #12
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goofyafter2 HB User
Re: In a Bad way

Like I said, I wouldve done the same thing. Take care and good luck! Love, Lori

 
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