X-Boyfriend with BP II, and I still care for him - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

SunnySmiles2u · 03-27-2005, 05:42 PM

I am really having a hard time doing what I know would probably be the best thing. Here is my problem. My x-b/f started emailing me a few weeks ago and now he is calling me (and I answer b/c I want to talk to him). I do still have feelings for him, but I know that things cannot work for us. The main reason is that he is only currently being treated for depression because he denies that he has BP II. His doctor and family are unhappy with him b/c he quit taking his bp meds. He has terrible moodswings when he starts cycling. He has 6 week cycles and I know that if I end up in a relationship with him again, in the near future we will have problems again.

Right now he is doing well and he is the guy I fell for in the first place. He is really a great guy when he is himself. Because I care I answer when he calls. At first he said that he just wanted to be friends, but now he is not talking that way. Now the conversations have changed and he wants to come see my new place, wants to know what I am doing or why I was out late with my friends, wants to know what I think a dating relationship is and isn't, etc. I can tell that if I do invite him over to see my new place that we are going to be back together in a matter of no time b/c he has feelings for me (although he questions his feelings when he cycles).

He told me the other day that it hurts his feelings that I won't invite him over. I told him that I cannot have a relationship with him other than friendship and if I invite him over it could be a mistake. He said that all he wants is a friendship, but I am not stupid.

I really am struggling inside b/c I want to see him so badly and I wish that things could work out for us. I know how wrong it would be for me to see him again b/c I cannot take it when he cycles. He says horrible things and is not good to be around then. I keep praying that I will meet some really great guy so that I won't be tempted to take him back, but that hasn't happened. We have mutual friends and he knows that I am not seeing anyone.

I don't want to continue to have relationships that I end up heartbroken, but I somehow fall back into that pattern. I thought I was stronger and would be able to resist him if he started calling me again, but I cannot. I haven't wanted to go out with any guy who has asked me since we broke up, so maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am supposed to be with him and learn how to deal with his illness. I just want to be happy about who I am in a relationship with and not constantly wondering how he is going to feel about me from one day to the next.

I don't know if I should actually be on the relationship board or the BP board, so if anyone thinks I should start a new thread somewhere else, please tell me.

Somebody please give me some advice. I am really upset

NotSoSunnyToday

biz-e-mom · 03-27-2005, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunnySmiles2u

I am really having a hard time doing what I know would probably be the best thing. Here is my problem. My x-b/f started emailing me a few weeks ago and now he is calling me (and I answer b/c I want to talk to him). I do still have feelings for him, but I know that things cannot work for us. The main reason is that he is only currently being treated for depression because he denies that he has BP II. His doctor and family are unhappy with him b/c he quit taking his bp meds. He has terrible moodswings when he starts cycling. He has 6 week cycles and I know that if I end up in a relationship with him again, in the near future we will have problems again.

Right now he is doing well and he is the guy I fell for in the first place. He is really a great guy when he is himself. Because I care I answer when he calls. At first he said that he just wanted to be friends, but now he is not talking that way. Now the conversations have changed and he wants to come see my new place, wants to know what I am doing or why I was out late with my friends, wants to know what I think a dating relationship is and isn't, etc. I can tell that if I do invite him over to see my new place that we are going to be back together in a matter of no time b/c he has feelings for me (although he questions his feelings when he cycles).

He told me the other day that it hurts his feelings that I won't invite him over. I told him that I cannot have a relationship with him other than friendship and if I invite him over it could be a mistake. He said that all he wants is a friendship, but I am not stupid.

I really am struggling inside b/c I want to see him so badly and I wish that things could work out for us. I know how wrong it would be for me to see him again b/c I cannot take it when he cycles. He says horrible things and is not good to be around then. I keep praying that I will meet some really great guy so that I won't be tempted to take him back, but that hasn't happened. We have mutual friends and he knows that I am not seeing anyone.

I don't want to continue to have relationships that I end up heartbroken, but I somehow fall back into that pattern. I thought I was stronger and would be able to resist him if he started calling me again, but I cannot. I haven't wanted to go out with any guy who has asked me since we broke up, so maybe I am kidding myself. Maybe I am supposed to be with him and learn how to deal with his illness. I just want to be happy about who I am in a relationship with and not constantly wondering how he is going to feel about me from one day to the next.

I don't know if I should actually be on the relationship board or the BP board, so if anyone thinks I should start a new thread somewhere else, please tell me.

Somebody please give me some advice. I am really upset

NotSoSunnyToday

Kahlia25 · 03-28-2005, 10:08 AM

First of all let me say that I am BiPolar. You cannot control what your BF does. If he refuses to believe that he has a problem, you are asking for problems. You cannot have a relationship with a person that is not on meds and delusional.....thinking that they are OK. He is reraching out to you, maybe for help and maybe because he knows how to push your butttons. You need to talk to people that have Bipolar issues as they can help you a lot better. They have been there and back. I hope you post on the BiPolar board and tell you BF that he needs to get help or you will not see him. It is like a JOLT of truth.......Kahlia

mudhound · 03-28-2005, 11:22 AM

I agree with Kahlia. My wife had to know she needed help before she could recieve it.

Jovial206 · 03-28-2005, 01:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SunnySmiles2u

Maybe I am supposed to be with him and learn how to deal with his illness.

I know your pain, Sunny. My ex-boyfriend is also bipolar. See my thread "A Manic Episode?" for more details if you want. If things were different and he had been dealing with the illness we would probably still be together. If he was getting treatment and taking his meds like he used to, his disorder would not scare me away.

However, that is not the case for me, and that is not the case for you either, SunnySmiles2u. He has no business being in a relationship with anyone. Relationships are enough of an emotional rollercoaster.

You asked for advice. Stay strong and let it go. He's not ready, and you don't have time to wait for him to be ready. I know you love him, but this is the choice I think you should make.