In such a bad place - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Chelsea23 · 04-02-2005, 08:09 AM

I sit here, after sleeping for hmm 5 oclock to 9 am so, 16 hours, and i feel so dark inside. I cant be this way, at 23, I have a 5 year old i HAVE to be better for. But im never better. 200 mg zoloft 120 mg geodon 25 mg seroquel klonopin 2 and xanax 2 with xanax xr2. all i can do is cry.
my boyfriend asks why he has had no attention from me in 2 weeks. My insides scream stay love me im hurting, but my mouth yells out get the f outta here i dont want you here i dont want you at all just leave!!!!!!!!

on the inside i want to stay please im sorry just dont leave me like everyone else. i cant get the insides to come out.

All im left to do is lay in bed in cry while my 5 year old daughter says oh no, mom is sick again.

Please help me as sad as it is this is my only place to turn to people who might know how i feel. im so tired of feeling this way... 9 years im so tired of life at this point.

chelsea

goofyafter2 · 04-02-2005, 08:54 AM

Chelsea, I am so sorry you are feeling so badly. Please, please, please see your dr and get some kind of relief. I am so glad you did come here though. Everyone can understand some of how you are feeling if not all. It sounds as though you want your bf to hold you and love you, but you don't want to feel like you have to ask. Please accept help from everyone you can. As much as you might not believe it, people do care. My husband never acted lovey dovey or caring or whatever. til I got "sick". Don't be too proud or too stubborn or too denying or whatever. You need to help YOU, esp to care for your child. If mine were older, I don't know what they would think.

Anyhow, 10 million words later, (i can't help it-lol) please stay in close touch with us or your dr or your bf or people, or all of us, and let us all help. Let us know what is going on. Love, Lori

polarized13 · 04-02-2005, 09:08 PM

Hi Chelsea,

I'm so sorry to read your post, and see you are struggling so much. Lori's right, you need to get in touch with your doctor, and see if he can do something to help you. Do you have a support system, like family or neighbors to help with your daughter, maybe take her for ice-cream or something while you work on pulling yourself together?

I never know what to say to someone when you are feeling like this, I mean I experience depression also, not usually for long periods at a time. There are many mornings where I wake up and I just feel so overwhelmed and tired of being in pain ( I suffer from pain every minute of the day) and I feel like I just can't take it anymore.

So I will cry, and sometimes I cry for an hour or so, and then I just pick myself up, and pull out of it. I feel like I have to for my kids, like I don't have the luxury of being able to wallow in my depression. So I just don't. And once I force myself to get up, and have some coffee, and brush my teeth, and take care of my responsibilities, usually just getting going will pull me out of it. I'm not saying those are the days where I'm up and singing and happy, but I deal. I'm often cranky still, and lethargic, and just go through the motions, instead of really enjoying anything.

It's really hard, I know. Just hang in there, and remember you are taking a sedative, (seroquel) I was on it a long time, and when I started feeling like that more often, my doctor took me off. Maybe you can call on Monday, and see if you should at least lower your dose until you can go in and see your doctor, and make some other changes.

Good luck, take care!!!

~~~heather~~~

dragon25 · 04-04-2005, 08:25 AM

Hi Chelsea,

I can relate with you. I am 25. I just recently came out of a severe depression. I am still recovering. I agree with everyone else on this one. Also, when I am depressed my boyfriend is the only person I want to be around. He helps me so much. Even when I ton't want to talk just knowing he is in the same room with me helps. You should let him give you a little affection. I think it might help.

I hope you can shake this of soon. It doesn't last forever even though it might seem that way.

jen1008 · 04-04-2005, 05:42 PM

Hi,
I don't really have any advice, because I know when Im feeling like you are now, I just want someont to vent to and someone to actually listen to me, So I'm listening and praying for you. I hope things get better soon. It helps to come here and let it all out, so please do. We are here for you.
Luv,
Jen