I apologize in advance for the length of this post.
I'm just writing this in hope that someone can give me some advice. I'm hurt & depressed and just looking for some answers ...
See, I was dating this guy for a few months. He's bipolar but refuses to take medication. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with him (although *everyone* else can see there is).
When we first hooked up he completely latched on to me (physically & emotionally), telling me he was in love after only a few days, constantly complementing me & asking me how "someone like him" got the chance to be with "someone like me." It was kinda flattering at 1st, but then it just started to seem odd. It was like he idolized me & if I'd try & rationalize with him, he'd get upset. He wanted to spend every waking minute with me & would barely let me go to the bathroom by myself. I'm wondering if he just has trust issues, or if this is a characteristic of the disorder?
He's *extremely* jealous & even beat up a guy for saying "Hi" to me in my friend's living room! No joke, all the guy did was say hi & that was enough to set off my bf's irrational jealous streak. Speaking of fights, it seemed that he was always trying to start something with just about anyone who looked at him or I. Very violent temper, very distracted & irritable.
Pretty much acted out his whole life. He has a lengthy criminal record due to his inability to *think* before acting. It seemed that we were opposites in so many ways, but I guess that's what attracted me to him at 1st.
He could go days w/o sleeping & felt the need to talk extremely loud so that everyones attention was on him. Sometimes he'd talk so fast I could hardly understand him. He'd do & say innapropriate things in public & see nothing wrong with it. (Like making *loud* sexual comments to me in a public place).
Other times he'd be unusually quiet & would cry easily (which seemed out-of-character for him). For a week straight he made himself cry because he told me he was scared of losing me. But it made no sense because I did *nothing* to make him think I was leaving him. All the reassurance in the world did nothing to change his stubborn state of mind...
Then suddenly a couple days ago he started acting really mean to me for no apparent reason. It was like the sweet tone of voice he normally used w/ me was replaced by this flat, blah-sounding tone. When I asked him what was wrong he flipped out on me. Later that night he said he'd call me at a specific time (which he *always* did like clock-work), but the call never came. I was worried something was wrong, because this was very out-of-character for him. 2 hrs later he finally called. He didn't even apologize & acted like nothing was wrong. When I asked him why he was late, he got angry & snapped at me. He started screaming at me & telling me he's sick of my BS. I was completely stumped!!!! I had done *nothing* to deserve this un-provoked temper tantrum! It was like he went from this little lost dog that followed me around & treated me like a queen to this crazy mean jerk. ALL FOR NO REASON. I broke up with him that night and it barely phased him.
I have been crying for 2 days now because I just don't understand why he's acting like this! He won't even answer my calls. Is this typical of a person w/ bipolar or is he just crazy?!?!?!?Does this even sound like bipolar, or something more serious??? He was diagnosed w/ bipolar years ago, but I've never seen a case this extreme...
Last edited by malibubarbie999; 04-03-2005 at 06:31 PM.
I can truly empathize with what you're experiencing. Admittedly, my case was not as severe, but there are some similarities.
-"He's bipolar but refuses to take medication." Bipolar, but in denial. No meds or treatment.
- "telling me he was in love after only a few days" Was "in love" after a few days. I told him not to tell me until he was SURE. He said the words three weeks later. I did give mutual response.
-"constantly complementing me & asking me how "someone like him" got the chance to be with "someone like me." I felt like he put me on a pedestal, which I don't think is very healthy. He would say he couldn't believe I loved him. He needed constant reassurance.
-"he started acting really mean to me for no apparent reason." Yes. This was the start of his manic episode. (I'm not a doctor, his behavior matches the symptoms). I asked him a question and he snapped. Huge argument which led to the break up. His violent temper came onto the scene. He didn't hit me, but was driving erratically. He fell out of love with me in one night. "What we had died that night," he told me. Following the break up there were time he was so mean to me. I didn't even know who he was anymore."
-"He won't even answer my calls." - Ditto. He utilized caller ID for sure. He left a return message on my answering machine when he knew I wouldn't be home. He usually would call my cell phone. He wrote me emails instead of talking to me to avoid another argument.
I have a thread entitled, "A Manic Episode" if you want more details.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Like mudhound said, unless he admits he needs help, there's nothing you can do. Take care of YOURSELF. Don't take his behavior personally. He is not well. I pray what we've written helps you.
you just described my ex. exactly. thats crazy. except im bipolar too, and looking back most likely manic myself when i met him, so naturally i fell for all of it. its a very unhealthy relationship. no one has ever made me feel so good, and no one has ever made me feel so bad. im glad you got out. i cried about him for a few months, but i had the support of a great friend who broke up with what seemed to be the same guy as me around the same time. so we had a blast being single in the city for a summer together. it will get better and you will get over him. i met a fantastic guy and 2 years later im still with him. i wish you the best.....
Thank you so much mudhound, Jovial & weasel for your input on my crazy situation.
mudhound -- Unfortunately, what you said holds a lot of truth. It truly is impossible to help someone who doesn't want (or think they need) help. Looks like this situation is a lost cause.
As far as a court appointed treatment plan goes, I'm afraid he's already been through that. He has also spent 2 yrs behind bars as a result of his violent temper. He missed birthdays & holidays and was allowed a mere 30 minute visit per week.
Even going through that hasn't seemed to phase him in the least. He is continuing down that destructive path & hurting those that care about him in the process. I will not allow him to hurt me anymore.
Jovial -- I feel so much better having read your response! It helps to know that others have gone through similar experiences. It's so sad to think that this disorder (left untreated) can create such turmoil and devastation, not only in the life of the individual, but in the lives of everyone around them.
I'm off to work in a few, but I'll be sure to check out your "Manic episode" post later on tonight. You've been very helpful & I appreciate your thoughtful response. Thanks again!
weasel -- Thank you for your response, I can completely empathize with you. "No one has ever made me feel so good, and no one has ever made me feel so bad." Couldn't have said it better myself!
Just curious, but you mentioned you are bipolar. Are you being treated for it & if so, how does the treatment work? See, I have a few friends with the disorder, but *none* of them take their meds regularly & it shows. I'm just wondering if consistent treatment for bipolar really works to control the manic episodes. It makes me want to break down every time I think about the guy I fell for (the sweet, loving, passionate guy) and the person he is now (mean, edgy, distant). It's like he became a *completely different person* overnight!
Glad to hear your have moved on to new & better things. Hope everything works out for the best! Take care.
UPDATE -- Last night guess who called me out of the blue? Yes, him . He immediately asked me where I was & what I was doing (being his usual un-trusting self) to which I responded it was none of his business since we are no longer together. Then he started telling me how much he loves me & said he wanted to see me. He then promptly got off the phone.
An hour later he calls back & tells me to come over. When I got there he was drunk and in a very strange mood. First thing he did was try & kiss me & got pi*sed when I told him to back off. One min. he was telling me he loves me the next he's telling me he's not gonna take my cr*p. HA! He was being obnoxious so I decided to leave. He promised to call me this morning because he *supposedly* wanted to talk about "us." Well, surprise-surprise the call never came! I tried calling him twice -- no answer. How conveinent, huh?
That was the last straw, I'm done playing his games! Thank you all for your advice & support! I now realize trying to have a successful relationship w/ such an unstable person is a big waste of time!
Last edited by malibubarbie999; 04-04-2005 at 02:15 PM.
you are smart to leave now. but yes, i am being treated for it. i think successfully. i stick to a very strict sleep schedule (pretty much guarenteed if i start getting depressed or hypomanic its sleep related) and i never stop taking my medication, especially when im feeling good. basically we caught it early on (although i was pretty depressed in high school) and nipped it in the butt. im VERY conscious of how im "feeling", most of the time i feel like maybe too much for my own good but thats just me, my ex said "ive been to therapy i dont need it any more" and somtimes took zoloft, but not regulary, and i think that did way more harm than good.