Blah - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

LauraAnne · 04-04-2005, 01:53 PM

Hi, i'm Laura
i don't know what to do. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar, and while it's somewhat a relief to finally know what's wrong with me, it makes me sad. I had had the delusion that maybe I was fine for a long time.
I don't know.
I just feel trapped with this now. All my moods have a purpose now. I know what they are and i know what they mean.
Hypomania. Depression. Repeat.

It makes me so sad.
and I hate medication. I've always said i would never use medication for my depression, and bipolar seems no different to me.
But the doctor said if i don't it will just slowly get worse.

I feel like I'm a bad person for being the way I am.
I treated my ex boyfriend horribly. now i know why. and i love him so much. we've been broken up for 10 months but i still cry all the time for him.
does bipolar have anything to do with me HORRIBLE coping skills?

this is pointless.
sorry
Laura

reesie · 04-04-2005, 02:47 PM

Welcome Laura,

Nothing is pointless. Ever, got that? Being bipolar means a lot of different things to different people but I think everyone here agrees that our actions and thoughts are never pointless. Depression does a number on all of us. So does hypomania is some cases. Bipolarism doesn't cause horrible coping skills, as our symptoms become more pronounced it just facilitates the need for different coping skills. Your mind and emotions are now very different from what you are accustomed to and that requires adjustments in how you react and behave to certain triggers in life.

But relax you don't need to learn those skills all at once. It will take time and be at your own pace. To learn these skills I recommend seeing a "talk" therapist (psychologist) regularly. The decision to take or not take medication is unique for everyone. I personally believe seeing a talk therapist is doubly important if one is not taking meds. At these boards some us take meds, some of us don't. It's a personal decision that you and your doctor (psychiatrist) must agree upon. But more importantly you will need a support network. Family, friends, and people at this board are a good place to start. Keep posting. We are here for you and we have a lot of experience that can help. Keep your head up and try to think positive

We come from all ages, backgrounds, and stages of life. You are not alone.

-Reesie

alexgranny · 04-04-2005, 05:19 PM

Hi, Laura,
First of all let me assure you that you are NOT a bad person. Bipolar Disorder is caused by a biochemical imbalance.
When I was first diagnosed I too could look back on my life and understand why I had acted a certain way at certain times. Understanding and acceptance are the first steps.
Whether you decide to take meds or not, I agree with Reesie that you need a therapist to talk to. Being bipolar can wreak havoc on personal relationships and you will probably need some help sorting things out.
If you do decide to take meds find a psychiatrist you are compatible with because you will need an open and honest relationship if you want to find the right mix of meds. Please consider medication because I sincerely believe it could make your recovery smoother and quicker.
Good Luck (you deserve it)
Pat

jen1008 · 04-04-2005, 05:37 PM

I understand completely what you are going through as I was at to some extent am still there. I was just recently diagnosed last November. I used to think that maybe I had the skills to cope with my depression by myself, but as I got older it just got harder and harder to cope with. Like you said, it was probably the gradual(sp?) progression of my BP. With my lows getting lower and highs getting higher(which made the lows seem even lower) My husband and I decided that it was no longer healthy to keep trying to cope by myself. As I have been on my meds almost 6 months now, I have seen a great improvement in my moods, although they are not gone altogether. Sometimes I still try to convince myself that I would be just fine off my meds, I come here for some support and try to remember how I *really* felt being off my meds, and I usually come to the conclusion that for right now I am much better off being on the meds. That's not to say that some day I will not try to deal without meds. Try the meds for a while and be honest with your psych, they usually have far more insight especially from an outside perspective and together you can come up with the best treatment plan for you. Good luck and keep coming here for support. It's the best thing I ever did.
Luv,
Jen

Sorry so long

jmm1_em24 · 04-05-2005, 07:37 AM

Hello Laura, I am currently in a 9mo. relationship, its hard. dealing with bipolar and maintaining my relationship with 3 kids 1 of my own 2 are his. I'm getting a more of an insight of exactly what type of bipolar Thurs. The therapist I talk to said that I will be put on meds to balance me out.

Which is a good thing, I've progressivly gotten worse within the past 12 yrs, and Now I'm totally at my worst!! 12 yrs ago I was told I had bipolar but did nothing about it, (denial) Until now, where I don't know which way is up!! or down!! I have been told that it takes a few weeks for the meds to "kick in" depending on the dosage. I can't wait to get this solved.! Yesterday was a I don't give a ---- day, Today will hopefully feel better, 'Normal Day'.. I hope.

I do know this I was married to a good man, but I made it worse 4 yrs ago, Thinking everything was his fault, but I took the blame, I divorced him.. I have a beautiful little girl from him. and regret ending the relationship, because I too treated him awful!! Only if I could turn back the hands of time and start over again.. With that man. I am starting over again with a different person, who I think is better, but hes' not as understanding about this, as my ex would be..

Its hard,! I do know this. Its ruined my relationship with my ex.