I have a few questions for anyone who is kind enough to help me out.. I've been thinking about going to see a doctor about the mood swings I've been having and the changes in my behavior but I figured I'd get some advide from the people on the board.
Everythign started last september... I started getting VERY irritated with my boyfriend... To the point where I would throw stuff at him.. He would **** me off so much that it made me cry... and it was over stuff like asking me to pass him the remote... Very simple things... then the follow month (October) one of my good friends from highschool was murdered in a drive by shooting 10 days before my 18th birthday and it pretty much killed me... I stopped caring about myself and I started to get REALLY moody... I cried a lot.. and I had days where I would go from EXTREMELY happy to EXTREMELY angry 15 or 20 times over... Then in november my grandmother on my moms side suffered a massive heart attack and passed away on my mothers birthday... I became more angry and more upset and more moody... then two days before christmas, my grandmother on my dads side passed away. So thats three people close to me dying in 3 months... needless to say it was ROUGH... but I was able to "get over" it... but since then I've been crazy moody...
I've also started eating more. I've gained quite a bit of weight... I have developed a memory problem... which is basically when I fight with anyone I easily forget what I've said or what we're fighting about... Yesterday my boyfriend was trying to remind me of something I had said to him and I had absolutly no memory of saying anything like that...
I have started sleeping a lot more. EVERYONE pisses me off. I can laugh one minute and then cry the next.. Its like I have constant PMS.
I'm getting sick of being a complete basket case... There are times when I'm sitting in the break room at work, and I get like this RUSH of thoughts in my head... and it makes my heart RACE and its REALLY loud and scary and makes my head spin... as well when i get mad, I get lightheaded and my face feels red hot....
I know there are a couple more things I can add, but I have forgotten what they are...
I guess all I would really like to know is, does this seem like anything I should seek help for? I no longer want to be like this... I miss being happy and laughing... It seems like I dont smile for real anymore.. Could I be bi-polar? Should I see a doctor? If so, what should I say to him? What should I ask about? Is my family doctor going to be able to help me or am I going to have to pay $100 an hour to see a psychologist?
Thank you SO VERY MUCH to anyone who reads this... It is VERY appreciated as I am super depressed and lost about all of this...
So sorry to hear about everything that's happened to you and that you're having such a rough time - we've all been there and we know just how you feel. I think you most definitely need to see your doctor - you've been through an amazing amount recently and it sounds like you need a bit of back up. Anger is a normal part of grief, as are mood swings - it's the body's way of coping. Add to that the good old menstrual cycle and normal day to day living and it's no wonder you're struggling.
It's really hard to know if you're bi-polar - most people are ill for years before they are diagnosed, but you're very young. Best to put as much info as you can on paper when you see your doctor - he/she should be able to help you from there. As to whether you'd need to see a psychologist it's impossible to say, but it does sound like some therapy could help you get through this. Keeping a mood diary can help, it can help you see any patterns or triggers - once you know what these are you can work around them.
I've been taking a supplement called Milk Thistle for years now - it's very good for anger, although it may be some time before it starts to show results. There are lots of prescription meds that can help too.
I'm also into homeopathy - I don't know how you feel about it? I prefer it because they treat specific symptoms rather than labelling you and treating you accordingly - it's just another option.
Be nice to yourself - you've been through a lot and it's going to take time for life to adjust around you. Try not to beat yourself up about what's happening - you'll come out of this a much stronger person. During extreme angry outbursts I've found beating the c**p out of the bed or the sofa helps to vent frustrations! Make sure you're only hitting the soft bits though!!
Hope something here helps. We've all been through it - feel free to vent anytime you need to.
Candice, You should definitely go see a dr. Tell him about EVERYTHING. You have quite a lot going on in your life lately and whether this is just a reaction to all of this stuff, or a trigger for something more serious, you NEED to know. If you need to be on meds, You should know about it and get help. I have been experiencing some anger issues myself and It is NOT fun. You deserve a so much better quality of life then you have right now. Please get some help. Let us know how it goes. Take care. Love, Lori
Depression and anger are never any fun. Bipolars get that way for no reason.
You I am sorry to say have PLENTY of reason to feel depressed and angry. Those are two of the stages of grief - YOU ARE ENTITLED TO THEM.
That said, it is never a bad idea to talk to someone about such difficult feelings whether they are caused by a chemical imbalance or a death of someone you care about.
There is another board that might help you here - Grief & Loss, it's fairly new and of course you are ALWAYS welcome here. I've heard it said that the Bipolar board is one of the most understanding boards here!
Talk to your regular doctor about all you've been through - explain that it's affecting your everyday life...
Thanks for the info Ruth. I do plan on seeing a doctor soon. I just have to muster up some courage and hope that I can actually drag myself to the doctors, since it feels REALLY awkward for me... I mean, what am I supposed to say? Walk in there and be like "So... 3 people died in 3 months last year.. I'm angry and I'm screwed up and I cant remember things when I'm angry... Help me!"
It just seems like a doctor isnt someone I should go to or something.. I dont know.. I guess I'm just shy... and I dont want there to be a problem with me...
Scared I guess... *Shrugs*
But thanks for your help everyone... You are all so wonderful!
Okay, so when I'm talking to him, what do I tell the nurse that asks me what my problem is? Just say something about depression or irritabilty? Ugh.. I'm SO SHY about this stuff... I feel like such an idiot... :P
Tell her to go f--k herself and let you talk to the dr. Just kidding. Seriously tell hr exactly what you are experiencing, and I mean EVERYTHING. They have to help you so they need to know exactly what is going on. Love, Lori
I have a walk in clinic by my house that I go to. I have been to psychiatrists before but they cost A LOT of money... and I dont want to waste a bunch of money seeing one if all I'm going to get out of it is "You're sad and you need to deal with it" ya know?
*Sighs* So I have monday and tuesday off of work... I think I might drop by then... Wish me luck everyone... *crosses fingers*
OK Lori ~ please resist the urge to slap me, but...
In my experience, the screening Physician's Assistant (at a regular doctor's office) is simply writing a brief PHRASE to give the doctor a directional focus as to why you're there... (this clears their minds and nostrils from say, the guy with foot fungus they just treated)...
I wouldn't (personally) waste time describing my symptoms to any major degree UNTIL you're with the DOCTOR...
Just tell the assistant that you've been VERY concerned about possible depression and/or bipolar moodiness. Save the details for the "doc", and THEN let fly !!! The doctor can recommend psychiatry if he/she is so inclined. Additionally, due to the need for suicide reduction (bipolars' 20% is only a bit higher than depressives' 15% actualization rate), you OUGHT to be able to self-refer to the Mental Health Department within whatever medical sphere you a part of... (ain't this country a mess in the medical department, but I digress...)...
Well... Ugh... I still havent gone to the doctors... and its not that I dont have time.. its just that... well... they kinda scare me... Ugh.. I'll go soon, i promise...
But as for my condition.. i feel its gotten worse... my boyfriend almost broke up with me today because i LIED to him... I NEVER lie... and I went out and had a drink last night... and that is unusual too... and I have this weird like... panic attack feeling in my throat/chest... it might me the beginning of panic attacks... i dont know... it feels the same as when I get really worried about something... it almost feels like a heartbeat but like a THROBBING heartbeat.. and it was just like once a day, but now it's getting to be like every 10 miniutes I get a weird spazm... anyways... *sighs*
I have this monday off of work... maybe I will go then.... *sighs* maybe I'll tell a friend to force me to go... that way I have someone else there with me
Candice, PLEASE GO TO THE DR.! I didn't realize you hadn't gone yet. Please do this for you and your peace of mind. Grab a friend if you have to and don't be afraid. Its not so bad as you think it is. Nothing ever is. Let us know how your appt goes TOMORROW! Ok?? Love, Lori
Thanks for caring Lori... The feeling in my throat and chest is getting more and more frequent... and a girl at work told me i should go to the doctors... well she got mad and yelled at me and told me i needed to go.... im hopefully going tomorrow... *crosses fingers*
Okay... So I just went to the doctors a couple days ago.. My boyfriend finally dragged me to the doctors with him (He just recently was in a big car crash.... so he was feeling pain in his chest and side...) and I didnt say anything about how I was feeling because it wasnt my regular doctor (it was the jerky old doctor that I hate going to because he always tells me to suck it up and deal with it), but I did tell him about the panic/anxiety attacks I had been having and he gave me a prescription called novo-lorazem... *Shrugs* anyways just thought I would update..
All your base are belong to us
Last edited by Candice561; 05-16-2005 at 09:40 AM.
Candice, I am glad you got in to see someone anyway. If this med is not helping you or going to help you, I suggest you go to someone else. I hope you feel better soon. But if you need to go, GOOOOOO!!! There (LOL)!! Take care of yourself and let us know what you are up to. Love, Lori