Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
I have pdoc appt tomorrow and I am apprehensive about being entirely truthful with my doc. I’m on 400mg of seroquel and the last 3 months (or 4 months I forget) have been great! I am sleeping beautifully for the first time in 2 years, I’m not cycling (if I have I haven’t noticed). I really don’t want any of that to change. On the down side I am a lackadaisical idiot. I sleep 10+ hours a day, so if I’m not at work I’m asleep. On the weekends when I am actually awake all I do is lay on the couch and watch DVDs, read, or stare into space daydreaming. And, of course, nap. I don’t eat regularly, and definitely not healthily, I’ve gained 20 pounds, for a month or so I only ate cookies, cake, and pie. So I’m craving sugar like there’s no tomorrow. With all the sleep, I don’t get a lot of free time and I’ve goofed away that, so I don’t get anything accomplished. Dishes pile up, laundry piles up until I have no choice but to do it and then I only wash what doesn’t need ironing cause I definitely ain’t doing that sh**. Then the clean laundry never makes out the basket until I decide to wear it. My neighbors (who know I’m ill) have taken pity on me and mow my front yard. Somebody bless them. My house is dirty, I’ve basically stopped selling Mary Kay (which was my “fun get out of the house” hobby), which is really unfair to my customers and is not getting me out of the house. At work I’m new so get away with working slowly cause I have to catch up but I can’t do this forever. I can’t keep being lazy at work and taking naps in the bathroom with the sofa in the next building. I’m supposed to be young and full of initiative while building a career. I’ve got a great chance to build a career but I really don’t care. But I’m also a little dumb. I can focus but not for too long. I get sidetracked into daydreaming a lot. I not retaining information too well and multi-tasking is a joke. I just off a 2 hour teleconference where I never figured out what was going on or who was saying what. I just don’t to want be bothered or responsible for anything. I want to collect my check so I can pay my bills and get some sleep.
I’m really just scared to tell my pdoc all this and have her adjust meds not knowing how I will react to it. I am so scared of going back to rapid cycling while searching for the right cocktail. Do you think I can put mind over matter and pull myself out of the laziness without a med change? I’ve been telling myself I can do this for about a month now and I haven’t progressed much. But I did do a load of dishes last week! Somebody analyze me and give feedback please! I don’t trust my own judgment too much right now.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Reesie, I think you know that I am the least qualified person on this board to analyze you -lol! I will give you my opinion. If it were me, I would fess up and just ask the pdoc if she adds meds, or changes meds, what are the odds of bad effects you don't want. She can't MAKE you change, can she? And how much do you trust her?
I love my pdoc and tell him what I want or don't want to happen and he tries to select meds that have a record of whatever that may be. I know it must be scary to change. I don't know how many times I have given up or wanted to give up. If you honestly feel you can be happy the way you are now, then stay there.
Personally, I don't know if you can make the change on your own. I have had anger issues that I have tried to correct, but meds are the only thing that works for me right now. Whether its forever or not, I will have to wait and see, but I am willing to try. Good luck. I will be interested to hear what happens. Love, Lori
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
honisty it the best policy when dealing with our drs. Or other in fact.
My wife used to lie to me about being ok. Then i'd hit the door to go to work or to go outside to feed the dog and BAM. She would let go.
Had she been truthful, help would have been so much better.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Just wanted to echo what the other two have said - it's best to be honest with your doctor (it has a habit of biting you on the arse at a later stage otherwise!!).
I had similar problems and found paying attention to my diet really helped - it's a hard cycle to break but if you grab a piece of fruit or some veggies every time you fancy another sugary snack your body will give in and quit craving!! I also used to find setting myself a little task before I had a nap helped as well - eg wash the dishes and then sit down for a rest, get the clothes out of the washing machine and then watch a DVD. It is hard I've been where you are now but there is a way out! And although it will seem hard to believe exercise will give you energy - get a workout DVD and just do five minutes - it will quickly become a habit and you can do a bit more as and when you feel like it.
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Posts: 447
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Hi Reesie!!
I was wondering how you're doing. I bet it's the seroquel. I turned into a big, fat, lazy sugar-craving blob on that stuff. Not at first, but after a couple of months I really started to lose my motivation to do anything. You are on a LOT of it too!! Jeez!! I never took more than 75 mgs, and usually only 25 mgs.
I think you should tell her the truth. My doctor asks me questions about my habits, activity level, and my relationships to get a better picture of how I am besides me just telling her.
Your doctor can't help you unless you're honest. You sound like you're getting depressed to me. A tweak in your meds could turn you into a happier, more productive and successful person.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I also sleep 10+ hours a day and find it very hard to accomplish anything. My body feels like dead weight and I find it easier to just watch tv all day.
I am changing meds right now, so I hope it helps. I am also in the fight mode. I push myself to exercise as well as to clean up the mess that my house has become. It is very hard and I am hoping that it will help in the long run. (It's only been two days.) Other than that, I have even considered going to a sleep clinic. Then, I also think its chronic fatique syndrome. Who knows! I am ready to find the answers because I cannot live like this as I am sure you cannot.
In your case, it sounds like you may be overmedicated. I hope you find the answer, in the meantime, hang in there.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Oh I hope it isn't chronic fatigue syndrome, I had a year of that in 2003 and don't care to revisit those symptoms.
Heather, I say I had depression too if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not sad. When awake I'm quite content, giddy even at times. Giggling like a fool have the time.
You all are right I should be honest with my pdoc and deal with whatever comes. There's a good chance a change could cause things to get better versus worse right?
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Posts: 447
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Hey Reesie,
Depression to me is kinda complicated. I don't necessarily feel sad when I'm getting depressed. I go through a lot of other emotions before actual sadness. First, just kinds of malaize, and lack of energy. I just don't feel motivated. Then slowly, that becomes kind of an anti-social thing, where I just pull into myself, and lose interest in activities and things I normally enjoy. Even just small things like doing my nails, I just think why should I waste my time on that? I start pulling my hair up in a ponytail, instead of taking time to fix it. But I don't feel sad. It can be such a slow progression. Pretty soon, I am doing anything I can to avoid a conversation with anyone, even old friends that I haven't talked to in a while, and I love, I just don't want to talk or do much if anything. And I start looking at things as if I'm sizing them up to see how much energy it will take to do it.
You know that when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was so shocked, because I didn't feel sad at all. I was teaching aerobics classes, and running a day care out of my home, and I was so busy, always going, and I didn't sit around and cry or anything. In fact, my doctor told me he was putting me on prozac to help my pms, because I wouldn't agree to go on it otherwise. It's like you kind of forget how you used to be. Does that make any sense?
I really hope you decide to be completely honest with your doc. And I hope you're feeling happier and more like yourself soon. Let us know how it goes, K?
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Wow,
I'm reading my own auto biography...but instead of watching tv, i became addicted to chat rooms. If you find help to get back youre self motivation please share, im not used to being this way lol. Thanks and hope all goes well.
__________________ Happiness is out there........you just have to be open to itundefined
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
just got back from doc and told her the whole story, she didn't look suprised and even admited that the seroquel caused my sugar cravings and weight gain. she said I was sleeping too much and that overmedication will do that so she cut my dose in half. I'll start tonight and we will see what happens. thanks for all the support. Jade I will definitely keep you posted on my progress!
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Update time. It has been almost a week since my seroquel dosage was cut in half. I have ceased to sleep too much. I'm down to 8 or 9 hours without extreme fatigue. However my choices of music lately have taken a melancholy turn. Saturday around noon my parents said something that bothered me a little bit and I was agitated and obsessive about it for the next 2 hours in which I talked myself down and cleaned my house with fervor. Then I felt fine, I went out shopping it was sunny I was bouncing really for the remainder of the afternoon, I did laundry and happily listened to my new cd. By evening I was still listening to the same cd and ready to surf the internet for the evening. I surfed for all of ten minutes when all desire to surf was gone (I have a huge internet addiction btw) the same cd I'd been listening to now sounded intense and sad and I began crying for no reason I can discern for the next 3 hours until I fell asleep. I also spend a fair amount of time screaming at the sun that had not set by 8:30pm for mocking me with its happiness. The next day I awoke (at noon) perfectly fine and a little worn out (probably from the crying) I went to CiCi's and ate a ton of pizza then went home, listened to the same new cd that now sounded amazing and beautiful while I happily surfed the internet for the rest of the day and napped a bit. Today I get to work 2 hours late because I just didn't want to get up, even thought I'm late people at work of very nice to me and that is making me feel really unworthy. I don't deserve such nice people and a forgiving job on days like this when I don't even try. I'm still listening to the same cd, it sounds intense again (but a little soothing). I really don't want to be here at work. I'm doing my best not to be noticed by anyone today. That would be a lot easier if we had offices instead of cubes. I want my bed and a dark room back.
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
Posts: 447
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Reesie,
I'm sorry you're feeling badly. You know it can be rough for those first couple of weeks after you change a med or dosage. Can you call your doctor and see if she can suggest anything for you? It sounds like you're rapid cycling again. I know it's difficult....
Try to think positive. Of course you deserve for people to be nice to you. At least you fought through it this morning and got yourself to work instead of calling in sick. You should be proud of yourself for that. I'm sure you're a huge asset to the company, you're just being way too hard on yourself.
This is exactly what you're afraid would happen if you changed your dosage. It may be partially psychosomatic. (in your head) You're fullfilling your own prophesy that you will struggle now that your dose has changed. Hang in there. You're gonna be ok.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
I was fine until this weekend. I did go to a funeral friday (my great great aunt) and spend half the weekend with family. I wonder if that has anything to do with this. I'm always good about getting work, being productive or staying on the other hand is another issue. All I've managed today is to screw up a report repeatedly, stare into space, and lie on the bathroom couch.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Update: Seroquel dose has gone up (from 200 to 300mg). Depression is lifting but migraines remain. Had migraine last friday about a day before my depression - crying spell attack on saturday. Sunday was a great day, I was even bouncing. But Monday was depressive again with milder crying spells and migraines. I've effectively had a migraine for 3 days now (monday, tuesday, today). I spent tuesday in bed. Now I'm back at work and consuming large amounts of coffee to remain vertical. Not the best solution but it works for now. But I don't feel too depressed to function so that is good.
Re: Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please!
Hi Reesie,
I feel like I'm jumping in right in the middle of this one as it has gathered some momentum already, however, MY little bit of advice...
Regular feeding times.
Try to eat healthier (improve your diet a little bit at a time - it all helps)
Try to reduce to coffee, tea, alcohol.
Try to establish a sleep pattern.
Make a list, last thing at night of what you're going to do the next day.
Next day - do some (not ALL).
Daily exercise (start small - build up slowly)
I know it sounds lame...it will help...
Hedge.
__________________
Hedge
Last edited by Hedgehog No 1; 04-28-2005 at 04:25 AM.
Lacking self confidence and motivation, little help please! 
Reesie
