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Old 05-14-2005, 12:47 AM   #1
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can anyone relate to this?

Hi again all,

I was diagnosed with depression 4 years ago, and in hindsight I realise now that there were behaviours etc that preceeded my first depressive episode that could fall under the 'mania' banner...deciding on the spur of the moment (literally) to move house and doing so half an hour after I'd made up my mind; excessive drinking and not stopping until I'd thrown up, passed out or run out of money; flighty behaviour etc etc etc but they weren't severe enough to screw up my life so I never considered these in the context of the situation at the time and so as I said was diagnosed with depression. Although becoming depressed on and off over the years, I did not have another hypomanic episode until early this year, at which point I was diagnosed etc. I now have my best friend (an ex-mental health worker who has lived across the country since before I last became sick) telling me "I don't think you're bipolar, you never displayed manic symptoms until now, you were fine" etc etc - and it creates a whole lot of self-doubt in my mind and makes me question myself and wonder if I'm just imagining things...I feel as though I'm unsupported and misunderstood (she herself was diagnosed with bp 3 years ago so should understand) and there's just a whole lot going through my mind since discovering this about myself and I don't know what to think or feel sometimes...

K.

 
Old 05-14-2005, 04:43 AM   #2
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mudhound HB User
Re: can anyone relate to this?

I'm sure a lot of people on this board can. My wife has BP and I'm looking at her illness from the out side.
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Old 05-14-2005, 05:10 AM   #3
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Re: can anyone relate to this?

thanks mudhound I think though, that it's as much about the opinion of someone who is supposed to know her stuff (and know me!) creating uncertainty and confusion in my mind as it is about watching "from the outside".

 
Old 05-15-2005, 07:22 AM   #4
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Human Child HB User
Re: can anyone relate to this?

K.

I can totally relate to what you have posted. Iíve had a similar experience. Thought it was just depression/anxiety and an obsessive personality for years. Then, this year, some things happen which sent me to the MDís. He put me on Ads- had a bad experience. And, to make a long story short, now have probable dx of BP, OCD, and possible dx of dissociative disorder.

Anyway, I have a family member who is reacting like your friend. And, we are close. This, when my mother and my cousin have both been dx with BP. But she is looking at how BP affects them. My mother gets psychotic. My cousin has ADHD, and is a compulsive liar to boot Ė so she looks at that. Iím not a compulsive liar. I donít act like he does. So, therefore, I donít have BP.

But BP affects everyone differently. For years, I didnít think I could have it because I looked at my mother. I never got psychotic or had the problems she has had. But, Iíve learned there are three types of BP. 1, 2, and 3. I also read that there is BP not otherwise specified (NOS). So you have to keep all that in mind.

Now, since doing so much research, I can look back and say, yeah, I do have the symptoms of BP. Not like my mother has (who is BP 1) but of both BP 2, and 3.

Sometimes, my relative (who is also one of my closest friends,) her comments have bothered me and thrown me into dark introspection. It hurts because I feel I canít talk to her about these issues when I used to be able to talk to her about anything, She has been dx with depression/anxiety. She told me that she thinks my problem is that Iím just a ďdeep thinker and have an artistic personality.Ē I think too deeply, I guess. And get too obsessed about things.

Funny thing is, in my research, I read that BP 3 is sometimes called the Ďartistic temperament.í Go figure.

My DH, on the other hand, (who, by the way, I live with) is being very supportive. He knows better than anyone my mood swings, my obsessions, my strange behavior at times.

So, donít let what your friend says affect you too much. I know itís hard. I know it can hurt. I wish you the best.

HC

 
Old 05-15-2005, 12:46 PM   #5
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Re: can anyone relate to this?

Boy can I understand. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. So along with the bp disorder i deal with all the other things that addicts/alcoholics deal with. It's hard in a 12 step program to explain my situation, because alot of the oldtimers are sooooooooo down on taking meds to "change the way you feel" What i have found out through years of therapy and detoxs and what have you that i have been self medicating my bp disorder for as many years as i can remember. I am not using this as a cop out, its just a reality. My hubby is also a recovering person with 13 years clean and sober in July, but he has no clue or tolerance for my bp disorder. He says its a cop out. Thank God I have a best friend who also has to take meds for her depression and we are able to talk. Life is difficult sometimes. I am a type 2 diabetic, have hypertriglyceridemia, and im positive for hep c. I have been doing alot of of good things for myself. In the last 15 months I have lost 70 pounds and I now excercise everyday. Plus, I work at home depot which is a work out in itself. I am so tired of being misunderstood. People dont want to listen long enough to let me explain my whole story. It's frustrating. Can anyone relate?????? I am glad I found this board. I need to have people in my life that can relate to me. Even my best friend has trouble understanding the manic side of my disorder since she suffers from depression only. So anyway, that's my story and I would truly appreciate any replys anyone may have,
Thanks and God Bless,
Cherokee_Gal
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Old 05-17-2005, 03:33 AM   #6
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Re: can anyone relate to this?

My boss said the same thing to me. She was like -everyone is bp and I have never seen you "over the edge" or anything like that. She IS a b-tch and thinks she is a dr., and said to stay on the lowest dosages of any meds they try to give me. What if I am not bp and am taking all these meds for nothing. My dh says he knows that something is not quite right when I am not on meds. UGH! This whole crap is frustrating.

 
Old 05-17-2005, 04:00 AM   #7
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fiesty_leo HB User
Re: can anyone relate to this?

Quote:
UGH! This whole crap is frustrating.
Hear, hear!!

 
Old 05-26-2005, 07:39 AM   #8
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Re: can anyone relate to this?

Hello-
I can relate to all this. Now that I see all ya'lls comments I am shocked, I guess. That my husband has been suffering for years but never thought he had a problem. Just thought he had a temper problem, then be depressed. We are currently seperated and unsure at this point if the marriage after 13 years will survive. I am researching this illness and I see things alot more clearly now. But he never had a problem and he would get help or talk to someone until he was ready. One night he called and said he wanted it all to end, then the next morning, on my birthday (which was a good b-day gift that he was getting help), he called and asked me to find somewhere for him to go. I did that and he is on meds now, some days are better than others, and I understand that his actions were not directed at me personally, and for years I thought I was not making him happy enough. I hope that we can get thru this, and advice for a newbie to this illness and suggestions.
Machtill

Last edited by machtill; 05-26-2005 at 07:42 AM.

 
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